Dear ConsciousCafe Friends,
2025 has been a tumultuous year on the planet. It has been an emotionally exhausting time as each of you, no matter where you live in the world, has had to adjust to sweeping new changes affecting both your daily lives and the bigger picture.
At ConsciousCafe we have endeavoured to introduce you to many new ideas, tools and ways of thinking to help raise your consciousness and widen your horizons as all of us do our best to manage our way through this remarkable time on the planet. We would like to thank all the amazing speakers who we have worked with this year for their kindness and generosity.
In January Nick Haines revealed the major themes that were in store this year in his fascinating event, The Year of the Wood Snake. This was followed by Robert Holden giving you tools for greater self-awareness in his event titled Being More of Your True Self with the Wisdom of the Enneagram. Colin Smith in March taught us how to communicate and connect better using The Art of Listening.
Jane Gunn introduced new concepts of resilience in her April event, Barefoot Survival 101, while in May Steve Turner shared spiritual wisdom in Transformation through Turmoil. In the summer David Hamilton gave us wonderful insights about our health and our mindbody connection In How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body and expert global astrologer Jessica Adams revealed aspects of your future in Your Big Astrology Reset.
July introduced seers Carolin Rathbun and Trudy Marie Williams who shared powerful guidance on How to Access Your Soul Wisdom. In September spiritual teacher and astrologer Pam Gregory gave us up-to-date news in her event A Major Time of Transformation. Fiona Robertson took us back to the ancient past in October, enabling us to Explore the Magic and Mystery of the Stones while our final event of the year with Kirsty Allen demonstrated that Sensitivity is our Greatest Strength.
Huge, grateful thanks to Gina Lazenby who has hosted all of our inspiring speakers and presented all our online events. Huge thanks also to Tess Wilderspin and Karen Persad who support our admin activities with great competence and generosity.
Most of our past videos are available to view and enjoy and share on our website here so you don’t need to miss anything!
We want to thank all of you who have supported our ConsciousCafe Global Online events this year and it has been a great treat to meet some of you in person in breakout rooms.
Aside from our global events on Zoom, 2025 has also been an exciting year for new local community launches. We have been delighted to welcome John Hill leading his group in Great Yarmouth, Karen Blakeley whose existing group joined ConsciousCafe in Basingstoke and Davinder Chauhan who has launched a friendly new group in Milton Keynes. We were very sad to say goodbye to dynamic Jackie White who has stepped away from leading her local group in Totton but Jackie will stay connected with ConsciousCafe and we may offer occasional events together in the future.
We send our condolences to our lovely friend, Anne Jones in Burley, New Forest, as her very loving and supportive husband Tony passed this year. We hope to hear more from Anne in 2026.
We are very excited to be launching a new local group in North London in January 2026, and we hope to give you more news of other local groups launching early next year.
Meanwhile our popular UK existing groups have been flourishing. All our groups are run by volunteers who put huge time and effort and immense creativity into bringing people together to raise consciousness. We offer huge heartfelt thanks for Cora Kemball-Cook in Canterbury, Emma Loveheart in Newbury, Violet Dalton in Perth in Scotland, Gina Lazenby in Skipton in Yorkshire and Ruth Seodi, Dave Everett and Theresa Wassif in St Albans. We also enjoyed bringing people together for lunches and dinners in Central London this year.
Our local groups abroad have also flourished during 2025 and we offer huge thanks to Marianne Hartley in Basel who offers both online and live groups, Debbie King in Geneva, Katrina Evans in Johannesburg, Nurazida Daud in Kuala Lumpur and Sucheta Kohli Khanna in Singapore.
We are a not-for-profit organisation and we try to keep our prices as low as possible so that everyone can come to our events. With costs going up in the UK, it has recently become quite a challenge. We hope that our ConsciousCafe events have brought you great pleasure this year and we would be so grateful if you could support us via the donations page on our website because even the smallest amounts help contribute to our costs. The link is here and please do send us a note if any of our groups or our events have given you particular pleasure (or even changed your life!) this year as we always love to hear from you at info@consciouscafe.org.
Finally we would like to thank all of you who are reading this for contributing to our shared ConsciousCafe communities both online and in person. Your passion and energy fuel our mission to create a supportive and enriching environment so that we can continue with our mission which is ‘raising consciousness one conversation at a time’. In these remarkable times of growth and transformation, raising consciousness has become more important than ever for each one of us.
Please share details of ConsciousCafe with friends and family who you think would love to know about what we offer. Most of our recommendations come through word-of-mouth as we don’t have a marketing budget. Every recommendation is very much appreciated and we love it when people tell us how they heard about ConsciousCafe.
We wish you a joyful holiday season and a happy new year filled with love, growth, and connection.
With love,
Judy and all the ConsciousCafe leaders
www.consciouscafe.org
We have all had moments when we have hoped for something good for ourselves or someone else, sometimes a trivial thing, but at other times something serious. Hope is a quiet strength that keeps us moving forward, even when the path seems uncertain. It carries us through difficult times and gives us the courage to dream of a better future. It is not foolish optimism – that a better future is inevitable. Instead, hope is a motivation, a drive, to persevere towards something even if we’re sceptical that a positive outcome is likely. Losing hope, on the other hand, is destructive and can mean losing all motivation.
So have you ever wondered just where hope comes from? This is the question that was posed at May’s Geneva Cafe.
The first thing everyone was asked to do was to close their eyes and put their hand where they thought hope came from – was it from their heart, from their head, or from above their heads i.e. something ‘holy’, an exercise Debbie the host had seen online. When everyone opened their eyes they could see that not everyone thought the same and had chosen different places to put their hand. This stimulated the first conversation between them at their tables of four. Why had they chosen that source of hope? And did they feel that hope was a feeling, a mindset or a choice?
After a while Debbie shared some of the theories concerning hope. One theory notably put forward by American psychologist Charles Snyder is that hope is about thinking, it’s a cognitive skill requiring what he termed agency thinking (planning a way ahead) and pathway thinking (a belief your goal can be achieved). Other academics say that hope is instead a powerful emotion, that keep us striving towards our survival and desires. Others conclude that hope is a mix, an intricate blend of our thinking skills and emotions.
At the Geneva cafe people change places and join a different group of four for each discussion. So, after a changeover the next prompt was on what they saw were the internal and external sources of hope for us and to attempt to list them.
After a lively dialogue we saw that there had been a lot of agreement with the information that Debbie then shared on ‘The 5 Sources of Hope’ from ‘The Hope Pentagram’ (Obayuwana, Collins, Carter). These are :
1. Your intrinsic assets : i.e yourself, your ego strength, your virtuous attributes, signature strengths, self-discipline, and self-esteem.
2. Your human family assets : Family, friends, colleagues, and others from whom you get support, love, empathy, and understanding.
3. Your economic assets : your sense of material sufficiency, perceived resource adequacy, and good stewardship.
4. Your educational assets : your intellect, experience, skills, curiosity, knowledge, and awareness.
5. Your spiritual assets : your ethos, prayerfulness, religious faith, and convictions.
We found that we could add to this list of sources of hope. For example, non-religious experiences that help us get in touch with our ‘spiritual selves’ through quiet reflection, time in nature, music, meditation, art, poetry etc. And what about stories of overcoming & role models who inspire us? Finding joy in small moments? Practicing gratitude? Visualisation? Mantras? Giving as well as receiving kindness? Celebrating small steps? Journals? Creativity? Books? There are so many sources of hope if we think and look for them.
Lastly there was a time for people to share what they wished to of their own experiences, stories and wisdom, where and when they have found hope, and which of the sources we discussed had been helpful.
In closing Debbie hoped that the evening had been thought-provoking and helpful and quoted the famous line by the poet Emily Dickenson : “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.”
Where do you find hope when you need it?
Debbie King
ConsciousCafe Geneva
Dear Friends,
Twelve years ago I invited a group of thoughtful friends to my home for the evening. I have always liked bringing people together and I always enjoy interesting conversations with conscious people. We explored the question ‘What is Consciousness?’. Everyone seemed to have a good time and so I invited them back for another conversation the next month, along with any friends they wished to invite who might also enjoy similar discussions.
And so it was that ConsciousCafe was launched. During the intervening years thousands of similar conversations and events have taken place, first in my home, then in cosy London venues and finally expanding out to different parts of the UK and abroad. Several of the people who came to ConsciousCafe in the early years have formed their own local groups and other leaders have joined us later. Over the years wonderful close friendships have been made. Yesterday I received an email from a longstanding ConsciousCafe member who shared that she had met both her current partner and her best friend through ConsciousCafe.
In 2020, when lockdown happened, we created our ConsciousCafe Global Online series of interactive experiential events. So nowadays, if you don’t have a group nearby, you can join our programe of events from wherever you are in the world.
During this year we have worked with a range of excellent presenters. We would like to thank Nick Haines, John Quill, Anne Jones, Mark Ballabon, Jessica Adams, Diana Cooper, Roger Green, Christa Mackinnon and Theresa Cheung for their generous contributions. Huge thanks to Gina Lazenby who hosts all our online events with such joie de vivre and does so much behind the scenes to make sure everything flows smoothly on the night. You can find the videos in the past events section of our website www.consciouscafe.org.
Enormous thanks also go to our fabulous local group leaders. As many of you already know, nothing is too much trouble for them. All are volunteers who love to bring people together to meet and form friendships and enjoy soulful, nourishing experiences. They give so generously of their time. Every event requires a lot of behind-the-scenes effort. We so appreciate Cora, Debbie, Jackie, Gina, Anne, Ruth, Theresa, Dave, Emma, Marianne and Violet.
We have always expressed our ConsciousCafe purpose as ‘raising consciousness one conversation at a time’ and never has that intention been more important and more necessary than during the extraordinary years we are living through. The more we learn about ourselves and our place in the world around us, the more we are able to understand and manage our emotions better and be of service to others during these tumultuous and exciting times.
We are working on some fabulous events for 2024 and we look forward to meeting you all either in person or online. When we come together to raise consciousness, we can never know how far the ripples may spread. Every one of you is making a contribution by your presence. We thank you for your support and send you our heartfelt greetings for a joyful time over the holiday period and a happy healthy and conscious 2024.
Judy
Happy New Year.
We want to send you New Year Greetings and to wish you all the best for 2023 from ConsciousCafe.
ConsciousCafe was launched eleven years ago to bring people together for conscious conversation and connection. We are a not-for-profit and our aim is to help raise consciousness, one conversation at a time. Over the years we have been told by different people in different places that ‘ConsciousCafe nurtures my soul’ and we love that description of what we provide. We offer a range of events, both online and in person locally where people can meet and connect. All our leaders are volunteers, giving their time very generously to create connection and to help expand your thinking about consciousness, the unseen and the beautiful mystery of the world we all inhabit together.
2022 has been an exciting year for ConsciousCafe. You have all gradually been coming out of lockdown and we have had the opportunity to meet with many of you in person again. We have enjoyed many lively reunion events with people greeting each other with great affection. ConsciousCafe friendships run deep.
At the same time we have continued to offer wonderful interactive presentations from excellent speakers during our online global zoom events. We have welcomed Nick Haines, Jan Day, Joanna Bristow-Watkins, Paul Fenton-Smith, Nick Williams, Dr Dina Glouberman, Dr Sharon Blackie, Christa Mackinnon, Roger Green and Jessica Adams during this year. You have responded to all of our events magnificently and if you missed any of them, all the recordings are on our website, together with many past recordings, for your continuing enjoyment.
At the end of November we held a Retreat for ConsciousCafe leaders. 6 of us were there in person and we were joined by 4 online. It was a fabulous occasion, offering us all the chance to talk about and share our experiences of ConsciousCafe during this remarkable year in human history. We see ConsciousCafe evolving as changes evolve in society. Our astrologer friend Jessica Adams tells us we will soon be moving into a very different energetic time. People will come together much more in groups to help and support one another. Community will become much more important to each one of us. We see ConsciousCafe offering new opportunities for people to develop together and support one another through the changes that are going on all around us. When you have a safe space to discuss and share your feelings, thoughts and ideas with likeminded friends, you are truly blessed. ConsciousCafe is offering you that opportunity with our online events and drop-ins and with our live events where you can greet old friends and make new ones.
During 2023 we launched a new ConsciousCafe group in Edinburgh and Perth which will be continuing next year. Thank you Violet Dalton and Moraig Henderson who are offering a wide range of talks, walks and events in both Edinburgh and Perth.
We also had to say very fond farewells to three of our lovely colleagues who have been leading groups for several years now, Anne Jones, Hanna Krasnodebska and Karen Brodie. Anne launched the ConsciousCafe New Forest group several years ago and it has been hugely popular bringing so many people together for exciting conversations, connections and events in the Burley area. Anne will be focusing her time and energy on other projects now but we know she will be staying deeply connected with ConsciousCafe and we aren’t saying a real goodbye to her just yet.
The New Forest group has now become the Totton (near Southampton) group under the leadership of the amazing and dynamic Jackie White and she is continuing to offer a wonderful range of events. Hanna has been leading our friendly Singapore group for several years now and is only discontinuing it because she is emigrating. Maybe she will launch our first Eastern European group. We are waiting to find out where she will eventually land. Massive thanks to Hanna for holding the space for so many wonderful conversations and events in Singapore where we have made many new friends.
We also very much miss Karen Brodie who took over our Oundle group just before lockdown and offered regular weekly online conversations on a variety of topics throughout the last three years. Karen’s generosity and creativity have become legendary and we really miss her enthusiasm and her wide knowledge.
We would also like to thank Sheila Steptoe and Chrissie Astell along with Simon Buckland all of whom led ConsciousCafe groups during this last twelve months. We are also missing our lovely friend Nadia Menichetti who led our lively group in Rome.
We continue to offer several very popular groups which will be growing during 2023. We offer a massive thank you to all our group leaders – Cora in Canterbury, Gina in Skipton, Ruth, Theresa and Dave in St Albans, Emma in Newbury, Debbie in Geneva and Marianne in Basel. I run the London group which has offered outside events this year and together with Gina, we have put together and hosted all the ConsciousCafe online Global events.
Finally thank you to Charlotte, Tess and Joyce for their administration skills and conscious care for all that we do. You are all shining stars and we are very grateful for your support.
The planet is going through a time of massive change and each one of us has a part to play. We send all of you New Year greetings for a very happy and healthy 2023 and we hope that life will become easier for you in 2023 and that you will find more love and more happiness in the next twelve months than you expect. We look forward to meeting you at our events and to raising your spirits alongside your consciousness at ConsciousCafe in 2023. For a glimpse of what is in store for the world in 2023 and for the opportunity to think about what you would like to create in 2023, do sign up now for our January events listed below. We will be posting more information about future events very soon. If you would like to launch and lead a ConsciousCafe group yourself please contact judy@consciouscafe.org
We hope 2023 will turn out to be one of your best years ever.
With love,
Judy and the ConsciousCafe Team
The ConsciousCafe YouTube channel has all of this year's events listed for you to enjoy watching. One highlight from earlier in the year is 'The Power Of Listening', a conversation between acclaimed author of 'The Tattooist of Auschwitz' Heather Morris and Colin Smith.
Another enlightening event was held by celebrated Artist Louis Parsons who introduced us to his 'soulscaping' technique. using imagination and creativity to discover who you really are. Watch it here.
Check out the rest of the channel for all of our other videos.
Having read about Awe walks I was excited to go for a ConsciousCafe walk with the aim of experiencing awe and wonder and sharing the experience with others. As the day approached, the weather forecast looked bad but I was determined to go ahead with it. We were so blessed that we had a wonderful two-hour window of lovely weather and the rain only started when we reached the cars!
The walk was glorious and as we looked at the trees we reflected on their strength and resilience through the seasons . We felt that nature imparted to us feelings of joy and hope just as we stood there. This will probably be the last chance to see the bluebells as they are now gradually fading but still it is magical to see so much blue in the woods. I would strongly encourage everyone to try walking outside and experiencing awe at the beauty of nature wherever you are . Research has proved that this is good for your health and mental well-being.
Cora Kemball-Cook, Canterbury Consciouscafe
By Marianne Hartley, Leader of ConsciousCafe Basel.
Hosting the first ConsciousCafe Basel was such a joy! We came together with open minds and hearts, sharing a little about ourselves and creating new connections.
We were a very international group. Two of us were in Basel. Three people were in the UK, one person in France and another in Norway.
The theme of our first meeting was 'Acknowledging Ourselves'. We asked what has changed in the past months for us and the world around us? The things we discussed included:
- What have we learned? What have we missed? What have we let go of?
- What have we cherished and been grateful for?
Being able to connect with like-minded people in different countries and sharing what is in our hearts and what is on our mind really is a beautiful gift of our times.
We looked at what these past months had taught us, the challenges we went through, the things we missed, lost, let go of, what we were grateful for and the unexpected gifts we received along the way.
A lot of de-cluttering took place, of wardrobes and email lists. There was more appreciation of our time and the realisation that we need very little to live a happy life. There was more conscious buying and counting our blessings and being grateful for things we may have taken for granted before. Acknowledging how privileged we were and the responsibility that comes with this in making a positive and constructive difference with our time and resources.
It was a beautiful, open hearted evening of conscious conversations and seeds of new international friendships being sown. I can’t wait to host the next event on 29th October 2020. Find out more on our Basel Group page.
I hope to see you there!
With love, Marianne
Earlier in the year Nick Haines of the Five Institute explained why the Chinese Year of the Rat would likely mean a return of the COVID-19 virus this autumn. With the headlines filled with news of a second wave, now is an opportune time to enjoy his ConsciousCafe Global video recording. Click the video below to watch this fascinating event.
This event, presented by ConsciousCafe Global featuring Nicholas Haines is designed to be a practical guide to understanding, navigating and rising up within these strange times; building a future we can be proud of.
We're currently sitting in a moment of time that is unprecedented in the history of humanity; six critical cycles have coincided to create the Perfect Storm and a Golden Opportunity for you and the world.
In this event, Nicholas unpacks and explores what has brought together this Perfect Storm and share why this is a massive opportunity for humanity.
The session will is practical, enlightening and will help you support yourself and those around you. What you learn will help you to navigate these challenging times. It is well documented how stress and fear can cause great harm. Nick will also share how you can support your immune system by reducing the stress and uncertainty you may be experiencing right now.
Nick says: “I believe you have been born into this time because you have a role to play in the future of humanity. But all that starts with a deeper understanding of what is really going on."
Nicholas Haines is the creator of The Vitality Test, as well as an international speaker, author, strategist and teacher in Chinese energetics. Through his work at the Five Institute, Nicholas has been engaged by a diverse range of companies, individuals and organisations from leadership teams at large corporations through to NHS hospitals, educational institutes and international governments to address issues around relationships, cultures, communication, diversity, empowerment and kindness.
You'll also find him passionately sharing the wisdom of the Five Energies and how they apply in our everyday life and relationships within various books, programs, courses, webinars and live events.
Renowned astrologer Jessica Adams gave a remarkable online presentation to ConsciousCafe Global revealing to a large live audience from all over the world what we might expect the next couple of years on the planet to look like. Drawing on her vast knowledge of astrology, Jessica was able to demonstrate how and why she was able to draw the conclusions she presented. The video has now been viewed over 1100 times since it was launched just ten days ago.
Jessica also invited the audience to go to her website where she answered a lot of personal questions about what the changes might mean for individuals. It makes fascinating reading and we hope you will enjoy both watching, listening and reading.
ConsciousCafe was launched in June 2011 in Judy Piatkus’ flat in North London with 25 people. Judy wanted to enjoy regular deep thoughtful conversations with friends and she wanted to invite them to meet together because she loves connecting people.
The first event was a discussion about 'What is Consciousness?' So many people enjoyed it that it encouraged Judy to offer more. After that everything spiralled and friends began to bring friends so that the community grew and its reputation for friendly meaningful conversation and connection began to spread. Since then the London ConsciousCafe group has offered over 150 events, a retreat and a conference. Several new ConsciousCafe groups have sprung up in the UK and abroad, run by a number of very dynamic conscious leaders and people have continued to enjoy their conscious conversations and build relationships.
The first few ConsciousCafe groups outside London - New Forest, Oundle and Canterbury are still going strong. Over the years we have added popular groups in several UK towns and now we are in Geneva, Annemasse in France, Singapore, and our latest group has just launched in Rome. We hope to have more new groups in the West Country in the not-too-distant future and we are always happy to talk to people who might like to lead their own group.
ConsciousCafe’s milestones are always the launch of new groups. Also important though has been our unique conference in 2016, Raising the Vibration of Love, a topic ahead of its time. (You can see videos from the day on our ConsciousCafe Youtube channel. Our guest speaker was the celebrated novelist and mystic Elif Shafak). We were also thrilled to win the Kindred Spirit Editor’s Pick Award in 2018 for our work in raising consciousness.
So there was a lot to celebrate at our birthday last week. Whatever our thoughts over the years about the world we would like to create, it certainly bore little resemblance to the world we have found ourselves in during these memorable months in 2020. Nevertheless, lockdown wasn’t going to stop us celebrating. With friends from France, America and Singapore and all over the UK coming online we introduced ourselves to one another, enjoyed a meditation together and broke into small groups for a discussion on the topic of Why is Life Precious to You? We concluded with a gorgeous birthday cake, provided by our facilitator Claudia Roth and her generous husband and we simultaneously blew out the cake candles and the candles we had brought with us and sang happy birthday.
It was a joyful uplifting celebration of 9 years of consciousness raising in an atmosphere of fun, friendship and love.
Here’s to the next exciting year ahead. We have a lot of work to do but, at this time in the history of our civilisation, nothing is more important than helping one another develop our own self-awareness and raise our consciousness. We are proud of the work we have done so far – each conversation benefiting everyone who takes part – and we look forward to the simple pleasure of learning from one another in conversation and contemplation as the months go by.
Judy Piatkus
We had a small yet international participation at our Zoom conversation on Monday 6th April to share in this particular time and circumstances our strategies for a daily way of being and our personal insights; to explore what are we learning about ourselves, and what are our hopes for a new, different future?
The conversation revealed and everyone agreed that the community connection is a relief to offset the disconnection some of us are experiencing, being “stranded” in transit, separated from family due travel restrictions, or being in quarantine or lockdowns.
Even though some of us are used to and often enjoy living alone, spending most of the time at home
we are experiencing a collision of our many roles – worker, partner, caretaker, parent, child, friend, teacher - now all confined to one place. Normally the different aspects of our identity are localised, they have a setting such as home - commute - work place – school - gym - park- home. There is “out” no more …
We all agreed that these challenges are opportunities with interesting side effects: we are re-prioritising, seeing possibility of a new way of being. We are communicating differently, we are reconnecting, we are slowing down. We are taking care and checking in…
To the delight of some, the word “busy” and associated behaviour has been losing its grip, disappearing for most of us bar “frontline workers” hectic schedules and intense involvement.
Halfway through our meeting we got up and joined in clapping for the Singapore healthcare workers uniting throughout the island in expression of our gratitude.
And the sense of gratitude came as the first amongst the strategies we generously shared; how helpful and grounding writing a journal of gratitude can be. A gratitude for a physical, safe space, for the relationships, for the wise governance, for health, for food and nourishment, for just being.
Everyone agreed how important is to have tools and strategies to stay calm and resilient. The inner strength comes for some from their faith, their spirituality, using the power of prayer, of intent to anchor themselves into here and now through the divine. For some, overcoming and surviving the past traumatic experiences, previous world crises is the source of their resilience.
Creating a daily routine, cleaning, detoxing and de-cluttering both your environment and your inner world, regular physical exercise are all helpful activities. Feeling useful, being of service to others offers a positive shift in personal perspective and bring different focus and energies. Checking mentally on your family members, your friends, your community and on “the others, the strangers”, holding them in loving kindness of your heart is no small feat and consolation.
Each one of us experience the fear; fear of the suffering seen around the world, that is not anymore “somewhere out there”. It is here and everywhere, a threat like an invisible glitter. It can be overwhelming to experience so much grief, heartbreak and sadness, yet there is a silver lining - the pandemic is bringing out what is best in us – rise in consciousness, love, kindness and compassion; the fuel, the motive force for the acts of great courage and heroism.
It is a transition to a new “normal” where wisdom of insight into radical INTERDEPENDENCE of ALL, the web of life interwoven between us humans and our planet is forming the foundation and focus for action. We envision the world where our planet is respected and clean from toxic pollution and relentless exploitation, where all human race is free from hunger and harm, and respected; where children are cherished and loved, growing with confidence; where women are loved, caring and nurturing, growing with self-esteem, free to speak, and where men are strong and loving, free from repression and hate, at peace with themselves and each other. We see ourselves living in the world free from fear.
With acknowledgment to Anne Jones for a Planetary Meditation from “The Power of You. Heal and be Healed”
Stay safe, be well.
Hanna Krasnodebska
ConsciousCafe Singapore
Dear Friends,
We would like to send you all our heartfelt love as we go through this very tumultuous period together.
Every one of us is experiencing heartbreak and sadness yet the silver lining is that there is already a huge rise in consciousness as people all over the world perform great acts of heroism, courage, love and kindness. Already our beautiful planet is responding as the air is clear of planes, the roads are emptying of pollution and suddenly the world outside is much quieter and more peaceful.
Hopefully we will in due course mirror that calm in our inner worlds even though perhaps not in the short term.
As we go through the transition from the ‘normal’ of the past to the normal that we will create for the future, there will be much learning. Learning about ourselves in particular. We are being called upon to get to know ourselves in undreamed of ways. The journey to self-awareness is never an easy one but the more we cultivate our own understanding and intuitive intelligence, the sooner we will be able to achieve peace of mind and emotional maturity.
ConsciousCafe is now going online and we will be bringing you a wide range of events, both thoughtful and practical, which we hope will give you the opportunity to review our present situation from new perspectives. Some of these events and discussions will be for the groups you attend regularly. Others will be for everyone on our mailing list, no matter where you live. We are so thrilled that working in the online space means we can reach out to so many of you who we haven’t yet had the chance to meet.
Our first global event will be with energy expert Nick Haines on Tuesday 7 April and we look forward to meeting you there. You can find out more below.
With love
Judy
A Message from Dina Glouberman
Dear Friends
I find myself wanting to reach out to everyone I can during these challenging and difficult times. So here I am.
Things fall apart.
So many of the structures that we rely on physically, psychologically, socially, spiritually are disappearing fast, and we don’t know what the world will look like when this time passes. This is profoundly disorienting and anxiety provoking. And of course I don’t need to tell you that many people around us are having terribly difficult times as cafes, theatres, restaurants, shops and small businesses generally close down without financial support, people in the gig economy are left high and dry, self employed people may be losing clients, and financial security seems to disappear in a minute.
Many people reading this email may be in this situation. I’m so sorry about this, and I hope that our government will decide to provide the much needed support. Add to that the closing of borders, the grounding of planes, the people unable to get to the funeral of loved ones, or the birth of a new baby. On the positive side, it is great for the environment, but keeping foreigners out and stopping journeys of love also have very difficult implications. We also get crucial but conflicting information from right and left and up and down, in each email, text, what’s app and social media message, and we don’t know what is true and what is not true. How not to feel confused?
Things fall apart, it seems.
We come together.
Yet, this is a time when many people are beginning to take responsibility for each other in a new way, reaching out to the vulnerable, phoning their friends and checking that they are okay, setting up or joining volunteer groups, finding their own way to be of service.
I applaud what everyone is doing, and there is not much I can add to help with these wonderful efforts. But I do want to say that there is also an inner level to what is going on, and we neglect that at our peril.
If you are feeling anxious, lonely, frightened, depressed, panicky, confused, or any other uncomfortable feeling, this is not your personal neurosis you have to live with. Recognise that you are not alone. You are part of a difficult world, many others are feeling this way, indeed some of these feelings are not your own but are picked up from the general emotional aura, and there is a reason you feel this way. Look at yourself, and at all the others you can picture who may be feeling that way, with a look that combines compassion for your pain and respect for your magnificence.
These words “social distancing” and “self isolation” which are bandied around don’t just denote a physical reality. Being confined in your home, particularly if you live alone, may be delightful for some , but for many it is traumatic and endangers mental even physical health. Solitary confinement is a torture. Loneliness is a risk factor for illness and mortality. So it is not good enough just to remove social contact without thinking about how to supply what we need in some other way.
Remember that we are physically distant but we can decide to be socially, emotionally and spiritually close.
I find that I am naturally checking in my mind everyone in my life, and wondering how they are, and wanting to reach out to them, as if to gather them into the fold, into the home and hearth, the community of loved ones. And indeed people are phoning me to check on me, and I am phoning loved ones I normally think of and move on because I’m too busy or I think they are.
Imagination and Transformation.
Luckily we do have means from phones to Skype, Zoom, Whatsapp and social media to connect to people. But we can also connect by sending light and love and healing, and imagining our loved ones and the vulnerable people in our life smiling with joy and healing. As someone wrote to me after a cancelled workshop, “It’s such a very strange time and if ever imagination and transformation was needed, it’s now!”
Remember that in the world of the imagination, we don’t need to be physically present to be with people, to love them, communicate with them, be a healing presence.
I suggest that as often as you wash your hands to protect yourself and others physically, you can think of someone you love, or the neighbourhood you live in, or a local hospital, or the people in a passing ambulance and shed light and love on them and see them healing. If the washing is 20 seconds, you can spend a few more for this precious activity. And if this inspires you to contact them as well, or offer some help, or ask for some help, then do it. Even asking for help makes a connection that benefits both. Do try also co-listening or oekos by phone, Skype or Zoom to deepen your connections.
The other thing that is so important is to keep our stability, and align with our inner light, and indeed live in that light as much as possible. There’s nothing like light to make our whole life holy, rather than full of holes and loss. Whenever you think of it, step back into the light, and shed light on yourself and on the day ahead. You can picture the events of the day and suffuse them with light.
You may all have your own methods of meditation, which can include breathing, gardening, yoga, or chanting. But if you haven’t already tried the meditation on my website, please try it. Follow this link and then look at the “Morning Meditation and Visualisation.” If you’ve already bought my “You Are What You Imagine” double CD or MP3, this is the tenth Imagework exercise. It is a wonderful way to align yourself, mind, body emotion, and soul, and to get messages for the day, shed light on the day, visualise your intention, and send love all around.
Try this:
Perhaps you might try this little sequence of gestures that came to me when my life was tough:
I put my palms out and say: Thank you. And then, I think of one thing I can do to make the situation better, and do it.
Much love,
Dina Glouberman
ConsciousCafe London enjoyed a lively interactive evening event presented by Jan Cisek on the topic of Spiritual Intelligence.
Jan has over thirty years experience in exploring spirituality and wellness and he has a wide range of skills and talents being also an environmental psychologist and an expert in design and branding and feng shui. His material was therefore both practical and reflective and he soon had each one of us exploring our own connections to the wonder and energy of life and to what gives us inner peace.
The group shared ideas and thoughts of the deep connections we create and the moments in our lives that give us joy. Being in nature, in woods, or by the sea, enjoying beauty, playing with children, being in the moment – all of these can bring us deep awareness of the beauty of life. Jan believes that spirituality and wellness is deeply interwoven and he then gave us much valuable information about achieving good sleep patterns, and avoiding pollution. We also had the experience of enjoying a profound and relaxing meditation where we had the opportunity to access a state of pure consciousness.
Jan offers a unique Spiritual Health programme and generously gave everyone a printed workbook to take home. During his very brief talk we had the chance to explore so much rich material. We all left feeling, at the same time, both content and inspired.
If you were unable to come to the event and are interested to find out more about Jan and his work you can download the material from the workbook from Jan’s website www.jancisek.com
Judy Piatkus ConsciousCafe Founder and London Leader
The Singapore ConsciousCafé group recently discussed the topic of “Resilience”, which seems to be appropriate in the current situation of chaos, fear and panic in the world affected by the spreading novel coronavirus infection. The group was smaller than we're used to, and that was conducive to an interesting in-depth sharing of personal experiences, stories and discussions about useful strategies.
The group defined the term “resilience” from a few different view points as:
There will be always stress and adversity in human life. Stress is an important tool that helps us in our survival in face of a threat or adversity. We are hard wired for the negative, to be more alert to danger, adversity than to good and beauty. Negative emotions seems to stick much longer. In 1990 Kabat Zinn wrote in his book “Catastrophe Living” how our negative thoughts patterns and emotions , reactions to stress and adverse events actually makes matters worse for ourselves and those around us. He offered some novelty strategies ( at the time) how to use the wisdom of our body and mind to become aware “in the movement to moment”, and to navigate life experiences from that perspective. Now we recognise this as mindfulness.
Individual experience of an extreme threat, may lead to an overwhelm of the nervous system and depending how we think about the situation, can erode an overall sense and wellbeing, can distort thinking, undermine confidence and drain energy. One can become inflexible, anxiety-ridden and simply unable to cope. Courage is replaced by fear, doubt and inability to make a decision. What is even worse that often the much needed connection with another, a sense of physical and emotional safety, through ties to family and friends is replaced by withdrawal, an isolation leading to a loneliness.
We all agreed that a first step is to acknowledge that “bad things happen”, that suffering is part of life. In Chinese culture there is a saying “chi ku” – “eating bitterness” figuratively speaking of one’s own suffering. Another saying “culture is not your friend” suggests increasing our capacity to tolerate discomfort as a necessary course of action.
Our ability to adjust, to adapt can be helped by selecting on what to focus the attention. Many of us pointed that trying to find a positive aspect within an adversity, changing that which can be changed and accepting things that one can not change can bring some calm and clarity. It is not to diminish the negative, but to consciously tune into the good. Such strategy could become a daily mental exercise, for example, to name 3 positive things that happened during the day. The shift of the attention from negative onto a positive has a profound affect on the physiology and psychology and coping ability.
Also we can ask ourselves a question: is this action, the way I am thinking, the way I am feeling helping or harming me? The honest reflection can bring a sense of empowerment.
Finding a reason, a responsibility to survive the traumatic event because someone else depend on us, being of help, of service to another can restore a sense of control. Understanding the importance of personal contribution can be a source of purpose and motivation.
Unanimously we agreed that the Nature definitely has restorative powers, offers grounding and a sense of expansion; can help to shift one’s perspective and a sense of belonging. Similarly physical activities, movement exercises are all important strategies to restore the ability to “bounce back”, to restore energy.
An important extension of this topic would be to explore how can we teach our children to be resilient?
Hanna Krasnodebska, ConsciousCafé Singapore Leader
Our first event of the new year for Conscious Cafe Skipton was all about one of life’s big questions: Who am I really beyond all the work and roles and ego?
To help navigate through that enquiry we welcomed Yorkshire-based spiritual advocate Philip Wade, a former Civil Engineer who walked away from his role director of a large Consultancy business at the height of his career, after experiencing an awakening. That awakening experience took him to a deeper exploration of life and he now works as a guide for people all over the word. Nearly 40 of us gathered at Avalon Wellbeing Centre prepared, or at least open if not fully prepared, for a deep conversation. Here are notes and insights from the evening…
The Big Question: We started with the big question which people often ask themselves “Who am I?” But what kind of answer do you get, if any? Do you think in terms of your roles .… your accomplishments .. who you are in your family?
Follow this with another question: “Who am I without my memory?” Perhaps this has taken you into a feeling of being in the NOW .. feeling present. Words may come like Love, Truth, Nothing, No Thing … maybe even Fear.
Our Identity is strong: We spend all our lives building our identity, creating our story with our roles, and around our gender. But your true nature is not this identity that you have created.
There is actually an eternal unchanging self.
What Changes: Everyone has experience emotions, feelings, sensations, thoughts. These are all constantly changing… each thought comes like a wave. It passes through .. leaving behind the feelings. But it does not stay. You catch the thought wave, you can even get lost in the thought. It can take you in many directions, but none of these will be your Truth. What is seen and felt passes and is actually temporary. The waves can be violent or gentle, but they keep coming.
The Unchanging: What is it that notices the arrival of the wave? What is it that is beyond all that?
That is the silent witness – within awareness. What is it the notices all the things that move and change? It’s the observer or Silent Witness.
You might feel you are that emotion, that thought …. that feeling sensation, but it will pass. Then afterwards comes the realisation that “I can’t be that because I am the Unchanging rather than what keeps changing.”
Mistaken Identity: What do you identify with and attach yourself to? Most people think they are their bodies or mind… the Body/Mind … and that’s all there is. This is the mistaken belief. And it’s at the root cause of all suffering. That’s why we’re talking about a mistaken identity. We need to see the truth behind all the beliefs.
To realise the Infinite Silence, you literally have to be out of your mind …. not in the sense of being mad but simply realising the true YOU is Universal Awareness or Infinite Silence.
Success: a question was asked about how the concept of awareness relates to what you think of as success and achievement? The world gives a definition of what success is. It is an external and changing concept. Accessing the Silence within you actually gives you power. You can use that power for what you choose.
Key Distinction: Your body is what you have but you are not your body. Your body becomes the vehicle of the awareness of consciousness. Your body is simply a gift from awareness.
Inspiration: this comes from within, from this inner space and our action follows that inspiration. An outward expression of an inner awareness. There is a distinction here between action and activity. Lots of activity that you can engage is actually busyness. But this is very different to inspired action, actions you choose as opposed to activities and busyness you can get lost in. Trusting your inner voice helps you choose. The inner voice guides, it takes you through a doorway, a gateway to awareness. We realise we are already this.
Beliefs: The body/mind ego can give you a hard time. It can be full of beliefs that it does not like to let go of. In opening to a higher truth, seeking awareness or hoping to achieve awareness, you find that a great realisation comes which is that “I have never not been this awareness”.
The Wake up call: this is when life stops and changes for whatever reason, and it could be an illness that stops you, brings you to a halt. An awareness to awareness comes. A waking up to the inner voice, inner truth.
But the timing has to be right. You can hear new knowledge but at the time you can dismiss or run away. Then later it sinks in .. and maybe you move along step by step. That can be a gradual shift or a gradual opening up.
Then there can be feeling that everything that ever happened to you in your life has brought you to that point, to this moment…. what can be called the new, virgin territory of awareness, awakening.
Meditation: this helps. Yes it can mean sitting still and being quiet and if your mind is not used to doing this it can feel like an inner battle. That is simply because a mind is used to being full of whatever thoughts it likes to think. Training and practice helps the mind quiet down which is helpful. But it is not the only route to stillness.
Being in the woods in nature, being in stillness, being in the quiet. That’s just like meditation. It’s another way of doing it. Being still. Making a commitment to the quiet keeps you going. That helps to train you to be still. What we call mind will naturally be still.
To access the awareness: You just need to accept totally the invitation that comes from awareness. You access the awareness that remembers itself. This is not something that you can do, it’s only something that you can realise, something that is here now for you.
The idea that meditation is hard is just a belief. So you can create it that way and make it hard so that it fit your beliefs. Or you can let go. The heart says to let go. The body mind ego hangs on by its fingernails.
Question: It feels like Awareness comes and goes. Awareness is constant always. Your mind asks questions but awareness knows you are already that which you seek. The purpose of all spiritual practice is so that you don’t have to. You don’t have to practice who you already are. Self Realisation rests on nothing. What is it that sees the changes and the comings and goings in life? That is awareness.
If you attention is in the present, then you are in, or realise you are in, awareness, which is a form of meditation… the Living Meditation. Then you begin to realise “I am not that thought. I am not that challenging emotion. I’m experiencing it, but I am not it.” Living in our ego identity of the small “i” you can think the answer is in someone or in something …. but the bigger “I” the awareness knows. This is living in the knowing and as the knowing!
Intuition: Sometimes a crack will appear. Intuition is that crack that opening, something comes up into the field of awareness, gives us a knowing, as it communicates with us. And a call will come from awareness itself. Then you start listening from within. That is when you start to turn from transmitting to receiving. It’s like a beam of light reaching you, coming through that crack.
The Iceberg: You can think that you are separate from others .. from the source but we are connected. Think of a big iceberg sitting on the ocean. It sees the ocean but it thinks it is not the same. Eventually the iceberg melts and becomes a sliver of ice in the ocean. And then it realises that after all, it is the ocean. We live life, like we are all separate and yet we are all the same. We are all Universal Awareness or Infinite Silence.
Philip was asked if he believed in eternal life. He said that he does not hold a belief about that as it is a knowing, and it is a knowing that comes from awareness. it is in fact part of the Realisation or Self Realisation that one is eternal awareness. The human body/mind ego is actually filled with fear and particularly holds a fear about death. Opening to awareness becomes a portal and leads to the dissolution of the fear of death. One Realises one is and always has been eternal Awareness or Infinite Silence.
Philip used a fibre optic fountain light to demonstrate what happens when you turn your attention inwards. You can take your awareness down the column of light to the light source. You can understand how we are all connected to the same source. You reach the light source within, this represents the being part of human being, the part that is not personal. The part that is infinite for all intents and purposes and the power behind which give rise to the light is Eternal Awareness itSelf or Infinite Silence – this is like the battery in the fibre optic an Infinite one.
The Realisation of this experientially is that Self Realisation ends the case of mistaken identity! This is the gift from Life to Life, as Life and you are Life. Life = Awareness. This is both the meaning and purpose of Life. This is its greatest gift to itself to realise this experientially.
From Gina
Host of ConsciousCafe Skipton
"To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it." - Kurt Vonnegut
On a cold and frosty night, warm-hearted folk met up ConsciousCafe Newbury's first event of 2020. We had a fabulous group of lovely people – including authors, artists and film-makers – and a fantastic evening exploring ‘What is Creativity?’
We talked about the different things that sparked our creativity. Examples included: a desire to help others; to create an impact through our art, changing people’s perspectives; to encourage more empathy and peace in a polarised world; our natural impulse to play and have fun, just for the pure joy of doing something we loved; to distract us from physical pain; to help us understand ourselves and others better; and to learn and grow.
We asked ourselves:
• What is creativity? Is it a force within us or a force outside ourselves?
• How can we use our creative gifts to enhance our lives?
• What might block our creativity? What helps us to free up our creativity?
Each person brought a wealth of knowledge, talent and experience and everyone contributed with thoughtful insights, personal reflections and playful humour. There were moving testimonies about how being creative had enhanced or transformed people’s lives, even during the most challenging of times. We considered strategies to overcome the Inner Critic, the different stages of the creative process and how we could be more creative in our lives.
Some of our take-aways included:
• Giving ourselves permission to be creative, whatever that might mean to us
• Encouraging and cheering others on makes all the difference … and creates a ripple effect of positivity
• Our imagination and unconscious minds are incredibly powerful
• The importance of being kind to ourselves when we’re trying something new or developing our level of mastery
• The act of being creative feels amazing! All our worries drop away and time seems to stop when we’re in flow and following our bliss
The lively conversations continued as we chatted and mingled over cups of tea, coffee and delicious biscuits. New friends were made, and we left feeling inspired, happy and energised.
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” - Picasso
Rachel Calder, leader of ConsciousCafe Newbury
Follow the ConsciousCafe Newbury group page on Facebook to keep up to date with upcoming events!
For others to see that you have lived well, yes there may be outward achievements and accomplishments that make you shine, but more often than not people’s memories will be about YOU as a person .. who you were as a friend, a neighbour, a parent .. your ability to listen, to enjoy life and to spread joy.
As much as we are impressed and appreciative of tireless effort, particularly for community and making a difference in the world, it would be sad simply to be remembered as a hard worker and a go-getter. So the discussion we had at our Conscious Cafe Skipton evening in December about looking at whether our lives are being well-lived, called us into a self reflective enquiry. Questions about who we are, how we have become the person we are and how/what we feel about that, were more revealing than what we had actually done in our lives.
Not everyone is a naturally optimistic thinker, especially when to comes to opinions of themselves. It can be easy to hide behind a positive demeanour and still have a web of self doubt inside. The questions we discussed during our evening brought up many different issues for people: while some were at peace and reconciled with life now and who they were, others held threads of guilt, shame or regret that they are living a life of their choice but one which is at odds with their family’s or other’s expectations. It seems to take great personal strength, and pain, to create a life for oneself that is not necessarily one that others would like us to have.
The inspiration for this evening’s topic came from Community member Richard Hayes who recently attended the funeral of an uncle, aged 103. That in itself is something to celebrate but Richard also noted that his uncle’s life had been judged to be one that was “well-lived”. When his wife died, after 76 years of marriage, his uncle had set out to reinvent himself in his twilight years, skydiving at age 100 and even holding a world age record for a tandem sky dive at age 101. Being inspiring is a massive contribution to others. When we hear of anybody grabbing life with both hands, each day, it can set off a thought in us .. wow .. maybe I could do that. It’s amazing how other’s courage, energy and joy can give us permission to embrace the same .. in our own way.
For this discussion evening, the community went through a series with self-reflective questions with partners. Conscious Cafe December 2019 Questions. You might find it stimulating. From the sharing these insights were forthcoming. I hope you find this interesting and helpful in your own self enquiry about living your life well.
There’s a movie starring Shirley MacLaine called The Last Word. It did not get particularly good reviews or ratings but the premise was amusing. Control freak Shirley wanted to oversee the writing of her own obituary so she got the local paper obituary writer to do this. Unfortunately, nobody had a good word to say about Shirley (it’s a Hollywood story!) so Shirley set out to do the good that would get her a decent write-up… and there’s your story of redemption. It’s food for thought and I found it amusing.
Gina x
ConsciousCafe Skipton host
There is a thirst for what we do. Nowhere has it been more evident for me than around Lake Leman at the end of November.
The Geneva cafe met as usual in the centre of Geneva town by the main railway station. We had an excellent guest speaker who talked to us about ‘Being in Flow’ and helped to facilitate our small group conversations. Lee Eldridge is a Strength and Fitness Performance Coach who has worked with many champion athletes. His educational training and background with the Hintsa organisation has led him to a coaching approach where high performance is built upon a foundation of holistic wellbeing, from a starting point of self-awareness or ‘knowing your core’. The Hintsa method has now been extended to the business world and to the coaching of Fortune 500 CEO’s, executive teams and employees in thousands of organisations.
We were asked to remember an experience when we performed really well and felt our best. We then compared it to the things that Lee explained trigger a sense of being in flow - a state of losing ourselves in something we are doing. They are : Selflessness where our brain and inner critic shut down; Timelessness where we don’t notice time and it passes either quickly or slowly; Effortlessness where the task or solution comes to us easily; and Richness where all our senses and sensations are heightened. Being in Flow obviously brings fulfilment and contentment. In the workplace people in flow can be more productive in a few hours than people working long days and evenings.
I saw those present, myself included, discuss and understand what activities and attention helps us to achieve this lovely state of being, and then consider how we could bring more flow into our lives. We all took a lot of personal learning and resolve away from the cafe, with some people also openly expressing how much help they had received from the shared conversation about something that was challenging them at present.
The next day I had been invited to host a ConsciousCafe event at the launch of a new community centre on the lake road heading towards Lausanne, in a quaint little Swiss village called Grens. ‘La Fruitière’ is a lovingly restored and refurbished 17th Century barn where the villagers’ ‘Fruitière’ cheese was once stored. Grens is in the Canton of Vaud, not the Canton of Geneva, so this meant that ConsciousCafe Geneva is now officially on tour in Switzerland!
For this cafe we discussed ‘The Key to Happiness’ by firstly trying to list in small groups all the factors we thought lead to happiness, then comparing our findings to the Action for Happiness 10 ‘Keys’ which form the acronym G R E A T D R E A M : Giving; Relating; Exercising; Awareness; Trying out new things; Direction; Resilience; Emotions; Acceptance; and Meaning. (See www.actionforhappiness.org for a full explanation.) We considered whether we would want to have an enchanted ‘Happiness Button’ that we could press to be happy whenever we felt down, and if not why, and lastly focused on the power of Gratitude ending with the exercise of writing down each day Three Good Things that had happened.
The atmosphere at La Fruitière was electric, everyone was enthusiastic to be sharing their wisdom. AGAIN people expressed how much they had both enjoyed the event and also got a lot out of it personally – for some at a time when they really needed it.
There’s a magic in ConsciousCafe when this happens. It really is as if the cafe has quenched that thirst I mentioned earlier. A thirst for deep human connection, in a light-hearted yet profound setting, where one can ponder one’s inner world and approach to life - and receive something positive and even helpful to take away.
Debbie
ConsciousCafe Geneva host
Our newest ConsciousCafe group launched in Newbury on 26th November. We had a wonderful turnout with a lovely group of people and a fabulous evening sharing our ideas, insights and experiences around our topic: ‘Belonging - what does it mean to you?’
We began by asking ourselves the following questions:
Our format was to discuss the questions above in small groups of 3 or 4, each person sharing their thoughts and reflections whilst being listened to by the others in the group. We then changed groups so that we could meet new people and explore the topic further using the questions below. We also had the opportunity to share our ideas and experiences with the wider group. This created a lovely intimate setting and the conversations were deep and honest – and ranged far and wide.
We talked about how challenging it can to be authentic and to remain true to ourselves when there is a need or expectation to fit in. At what point do we make the decision to leave a group, a place of work or a community if we don’t fit in or conform? Shared values were very important if we were to feel we belonged to a group or community. How could we be more tolerant of other people’s values, beliefs and perspectives?
People openly shared their personal experiences of when they’d struggled in life, feeling different to everyone else and the impact this had had on them. Others talked about how hard it had been growing up because they were so sensitive to other people’s energies and feelings. When they felt over-whelmed and isolated, time alone and in nature helped to rest and re-charge their batteries.
We also discussed the current climate emergency, concerns about nuclear arms, the many benefits of belonging and being in nature, and the different ways we could feel connected to nature even when we live in cities.
Afterwards, we chatted and mingled over cups of tea, coffee and delicious biscuits. New friends were made and the lively conversations continued! And now we’d like to pass the question on. What does ‘belonging’ mean to you?
This post is written by Rachel Calder, leader of ConsciousCafe Newbury. Follow the Newbury group page to keep up to date with upcoming meetings!
Nine ConsciousCafe leaders met for a ConsciousCafe leadership retreat in Kent last weekend, generously hosted at the home of Cora Kemball-Cook and her husband Richard. Cora leads the local group in Canterbury which has offered some amazing events this year.
Leaders had come from as far afield as Singapore and Geneva to spend time together. ConsciousCafe is a unique organisation and it was a wonderful opportunity to meet and talk and to learn from each other’s experiences of leading our different groups.
In the chaotic times in which we are living, ConsciousCafe provides an oasis of calm where we can explore difficult and fraught issues in a non-judgmental atmosphere of safety and tolerance and respect. Some groups offer regular deep discussions, some offer interactive events with speakers and presenters and other groups offer a mixture of both. It was lovely to get to know one another better as we hold the space for exciting things to happen as each of our groups meets in different parts of the world.
All the leaders agreed how rewarding it is to run a group. Every one of us is a volunteer and gives generously of our time. ConsciousCafe is a not-for-profit organisation and relies on the skills and the kindness of all the leaders to make things happen.
If you would like to find out more about us please go to www.consciouscafe.org and sign up to be on our mailing list.
If you are a regular attendee and would like to express your gratitude for the existence of ConsciousCafe in your life - especially at this time of the year - please donate on our website Support page.
Every penny we receive goes toward our admin expenses which make it possible to run ConsciousCafe for your pleasure and enjoyment
Thank you so very much.
We will be launching more new groups – the next one will be in Somerset in 2020 – and we welcome conversations with all potential leaders both in the UK and abroad. For more information please contact info@consciouscafe.org
Little did I know that an invitation to learn about re-wiring your brain and giving your flagging willpower a boost would resonate with so many people. Almost 60 of us attended our Conscious Cafe Skipton gathering in November to listen to local Psychotherapist John Taylor talk us through how our brains actually work. That’s the largest gathering we have ever had and shows the increasing desire people have, not only to connect and share in community, which is the core idea of Conscious Cafe, but also to learn more about what makes us tick (or stops us from ticking the way we want to!)
When I asked folks to share what had called them to this particular conversation, these were the issues named that people commonly live with and would like to resolve:
Our event was held on the first day of International Stress Awareness Week – a perfect opportunity to examine what it is that causes us stress .. and what to do about it. In addition to the anxiety list, people also expressed a desire simply to express themselves to others; gain further clarity on what they could do to support their own wellbeing; learn some more self-help tools and satisfy their curiosity on the understanding their brain.
Here are ten insights from our Conscious Cafe evening exploration:
John shared something we have all experience with: we say YES to something, like agreeing to speak at a public event, then immediately afterwards we are filled with dread because we are now overwhelmed with fear ... and yet we know, deep-down, that we do actually want to do that thing!
That was a conundrum that troubled John Taylor and his curiosity and desire to overcome said fear, led him to train in hypnotherapy and psychotherapy. He was particularly drawn to BWRT, BrainWorking Recursive Therapy, a new form of psychotherapy that uses the latest findings in neuroscience and is proving very helpful for changing behaviours and habits. successfully resolving many cases of PTSD, panic and anxiety as well as anxiety and phobias. We can be amazed at what makes us fearful but what is even more amazing is that we can actually overcome this.
What underpins so many of the issues that we have as humans is the trio called Needs, Belief and Conflict. And the conflict usually arises when a need comes up against a belief. Our needs start with a sensation. The absence of something or the desire to get rid of something is experienced as a feeling. When we don’t have what we need (e.g. drinking water when thirsty) the body will get stressed. Equally, we can feel stressed if we have an unwanted experience (like anxiety) so we are triggered to get rid of the unwanted feeling, and relieve it. But sometimes, something stops us from taking care of our needs.
Problems start when our needs are not fulfilled. There can be many reasons for this. Environmental factors play a part and these can mean we are not able to access the resources we need or perhaps we have a lack of knowledge for what might be available. One key aspect is that we don’t always recognise what our needs are, particularly our emotional ones may not be so obvious. We have never been taught to think of ourselves as having a range of needs and how to truly recognise when they show up. Finally our own brain software, made up of our beliefs, can get in the way of us getting that we want.
These come from an accumulation of our learned behaviour. Listen in to the voice in your head – that is a clue to what you believe. “I don’t believe I am worth it." That thought is going to create a major conflict with one of your needs. Losing touch with our needs can go back to childhood when we heard family instructions like “You should be seen and not heard” or “Eat everything on your plate." Maybe you simply do things where there is no rational and obvious reason but they are traditions passed down through your ancestry when you learn how to do things … the way your family always does things. Superstitions can be passed down through generations and simply become part of our core beliefs, beliefs that others may not share. Other than our parents, beliefs can be instilled in us from school education, our peer group and the powerful influence of advertising.
Belief has nothing to do with fact. Because whatever you believe is based on your own imagination. We can believe something will happen tomorrow, because that’s the way it’s always been before. It is not just a belief in an outcome of something, it’s our self-belief as well that has power over us. Our self-belief of who we are, what we’re capable of (or incapable of) and what we can/can’t do, what would happen if we did try to do something or not try to do something. Our beliefs can be rigid and they fundamentally shape who we are. If we feel we have to suppress part of ourselves through some kind of external pressure, and that then means we are not able to meet our needs, our body can react to this suppression with anger, anxiety, chronic illness.
The thinking, rational conscious brain that pays attention, helps us makes decisions and is responsible for willpower … this gives us a feeling of control. But in fact, it is not in control. There is another part of the brain, the subconscious. This is the part that never sleeps. When a threat happens the subconscious brain will cause us to very quickly take action ... to protect us. That happens before our conscious part is even aware. And working to support us, it always tries to act on our beliefs, as well as our needs. Sometimes there is conflict between what you really want to do and what you feel your should do. This is the nub of it! When a belief and a need are at opposite ends of a spectrum, you can’t act on both. So this is where you end up doing nothing .. good old procrastination! It can also lead to perfectionism. This does not make us perfect, it simply stops us from doing something in case we are embarrassed. It saves face!
“Cells that fire together wire together” is a key function in the brain and a foundation of the research and work of BWRT. Like a Pavlov dog, that has become wired to salivate for food ... we can continue to respond in a certain way after a strong initial reaction becomes wired into the brain. We form these neural pathways inside our brains which are links between the nerve cells inside our brains that fire off at the same time. And in just a third of a second, our brain starts to take action before we are consciously aware of what is going on. Research has shown that before a decision is made to take action, there is already neural activity inside the brain. All this can be good for us unless it causes a negative emotional response.
Failure of willpower is where we are working with the conscious brain, unaware of the role that the unconscious has over us. It’s hard to make a decision NOT to do something when your system is activated to move forward programmed by your subconscious, which is simply acting in your interest, driven by your beliefs. Sometimes you are fighting against your survival instincts.
So telling your brain to do something else instead is going to meet with resistance. Of course, you can make change because the more you do anything differently, the more successful you’ll be and the easier it will be. The best approach in BWRT is to stop the trigger in the first place rather than working on trying to resist.
Getting rid of anxiety is not done by trying to think of something else, it involves activating the anxiety because that in itself has energy as it is a neural pathway. Once activated it is immediately frozen to stop progressing. At this moment you can’t do two things at once ... you can’t stop anxiety and have it grow at the same time. By freezing it, your brain is called into a “wait state” and it is waiting for the next bit of information. This is when you break your automatic response pattern, it’s called a pattern interrupt. Strangely, your brain is highly likely to accept whatever new instruction we give it next. You decide the new action you want to replace the old habit reaction. With repetition (this is the recursive element in BWRT) this new action actually sticks.
This therapy overcomes the need for forcing change through willpower, it does not require long discussions about what is going on .. you simply want to know what new behaviour you would like instead. These techniques come from the newest brain science and neuro plasticity which means that all things can change with every second of every single day. Previously we thought that the brain at age 30 was pretty much shaped for life. Now we know that’s not true. This is a new area of research and overturns a lot of what we previously understood about the fixed nature of the brain.
John Taylor handed out a sheet of tools and tips with a Human Needs exercise. He is also very generously offered all attendees a personal and individual follow-up conversation during the next couple of months. He can be contacted on email and phone 01756 761604. Check out his website.
The bottom line is: our brain has an unlimited capacity to rewire and reorganise itself so all those old annoying destructive habits that we have got used to and suffer … they can all be changed. It sounds like a good idea to get specialist help with some of this but real breakthroughs are possible. It is helpful to study further and understand more about the enormous hidden powers that our brains have. The idea that our head is full of grey matter does not accurately reflect the powerful engine that controls every decision we make. Seemingly, anything is possible.
Gina
ConsciousCafe Skipton Host
ConsciousCafe Singapore hosted a joyous and meaningful discussion recently on the topic of "The Good Life". We love how international our group is, with people hailing from all over the world - it gives us all such an opportunity to learn new things from different viewpoints. This meet-up in particular was a great example of both Western and Eastern perspectives enriching the conversation.
There were so many different aspects to discuss within our theme. Preparedness and acceptance of life's uncertainties was a big one, and one we have delved into before here at ConsciousCafe Singapore. It certainly hits home with a lot of people, how unpredictable and often hard life can be - how to we deal with things beyond our control, and the emotions that come along with that?
But on a more positive note, the list of attributes that make "The Good Life" grew with each turn of the conversation. Love & relationships, health & happiness, curiosity & purpose, a sprinkle of humour & a pint of beer - so many examples, and a whole host of differing priorities. It was such a mindful moment, to be able to sit and talk about what we are grateful for in life, and how many wondrous things can build us all a good life.
And now we want to pass the question on. What do you think makes "The Good Life", and what are you grateful for in yours?
HK
ConsciousCafe Singapore Leader
Uncertainty is everywhere and we cannot escape from it. We crave certainty. However, life with certainty will be predictable and maybe even ... boring?
We know some things to be true. Others we know to be false. In between there remain many things of which we are uncertain. We do not have full information about the present moment, the past is shrouded and we do not know the future.
Uncertainty involves evoking many emotional states: fear of the unknown, anxiety, surprise, anger, depression, the desire to control, to name just a few. The lack of certainty can also create a response on a physiological level. The brain is wired to react to threats; the limbic system triggers an instinctual survival response of flight, fight or freeze, if the threat is too overwhelming. That is an instinctive mechanism that has followed us since primitive times.
At some point in our growing human civilisation - rife with language, the written word, buildings! - our society “exploded” in a new direction, and we humans shifted from instincts into awareness.
These days, our lives are so much more certain than they were even 100 years ago, yet they are ever more complex. We often mix the uncertainty with complexity, applying knowledge or attempting to make quasi-rational decisions to try and overcome or deal with uncertainty. We follow set rules of our intuition. Or sometimes we simply wait ...
We had an excellent time exploring this theme at ConsciousCafe Singapore. We explored and shared personal experiences on how might we deal with uncertainty when it arises. Is the desire to control uncertain situations or circumstances born out of habit or fear?
There were a few artists amongst us and we had an interesting exchange on how the uncertainty affects creative processes, and how curiosity can help to overcame discomforts of the unknown. We expanded the topic, too - shifting into ideas of probability, chance and uncertainty theories in physics, all adding a brand new dimension to the topic.
And now we'd love to pass the question off to you: are you comfortable in uncertainty?
HK
ConsciousCafe Singapore Leader
I do love the wonderful wide range of speakers, presenters and facilitators that we have at ConsciousCafe. It is always exciting to be presented with new ideas and unexpected ways of seeing the world.
Last night at ConsciousCafe in London Liz Rivers, an experienced mediator and personal development coach, opened up new ways of thinking about the seasons at a much deeper level than I could possibly have imagined beforehand. Liz reminded us of the unconscious power that the seasons of the year have to impact on our lives. When we are so busy and distracted that we lose touch and sense of where we are in the week, month or year, then we become distracted from nature and from life itself. Awareness of the seasons gives us a sense of rhythm and connection to something much greater than ourselves.
Some aspects of our lives are fixed and reliable – day and night, moon and sun, the days in the year. Other aspects of the year are more flexible, flowing, inducing different kinds of feelings in us as we move from one part of the year to the next.
The individual season we are experiencing affects every area of our life. Business might want us to be in Spring and Summer all the time – feeling creative and with renewed energy and hope in our steps – but Autumn is a time for harvesting the experience of the past few months and Winter enables us to lie dormant for a while, to rest and regain our energy for the coming year.
We also reflected that climate change is playing havoc with the seasons. When flowers bloom too early and rain, sun, wind and snow affect us in unexpected months, it is no wonder that it becomes harder to find our balance and feel centred in these times.
Liz gave us the chance to write and reflect on what the seasons mean to us and we shared some of our insights.
I woke up this morning and looked at the beautiful trees outside my window as if with new eyes. Something unexpected had shifted in me. I shall be much more conscious of how the seasons affect me now and I feel confident that I will achieve greater peace of mind.
Thank you Liz for a very special evening and for opening all our minds to unexpected new worlds.
JP
characters. She can use these visions to help a person to gain more self understanding and healing.ConsciousCafe Canterbury is hosted by Cora Kemball-Cook and meets once a month on a new topic. You can follow the Canterbury page for updates all the latest events.
"A SKIPTON-based group which sees members travel from all over the north to discuss life issues and share opinions has gone from strength to strength, say organisers."
ConsciousCafe Skipton has been featured in The Craven Herald, the local newspaper for of Skipton and the Dales. Our wonderful Skipton host Gina Lazenby was interviewed for the article - she had a lot of high praise for her growing and thriving group.
"A really vibrant discussion group attracting people willing to reflect and share on issues that are important to all of us, like relationships, making a new start, finding work you love, and creating connection. It’s very participatory and people say they appreciate the warm atmosphere we have created. People are craving the opportunity for thoughtful dialogue and to have their opinions and feelings shared and heard by others."
Read the original article here.
ConsciousCafe founder Judy Piatkis with Singapore group leader Hanna Krasnodebska, earlier this year.
Conscious Café Singapore met recently for another interesting discussion, this time on the theme of Compassion, with special speaker Anita Kapoor who introduced the topic and led the discussion.
Compassion is at the root of human contacts and relationships, but is it really evident in the way we are currently interacting with each other, or with nature? What are our personal experiences of compassion? Is compassion a clearly defined state of being or does it have a spectrum? Is compassion a dominant modus operandi currently? What can we do to bring back the compassion into our interactions and stop being a cutthroat?
Compassion is a virtue of our humanness. It is wired into our biology via the vagus nerve that transmits information to and from lungs, heart and organs of digestion and additionally serves the parasympathetic nervous system that is calming in opposition to the fight-flight response. It is our “nerve of compassion” that promotes altruism, gratitude according to Professor Porges’ Polyvagal Theory. There is also the “love hormone” oxytocin that is responsible for the social bonding.
The dominating concept of “survival of the fittest” that originated from Darwin’s evolutionary theory have been influencing societies and cultures for the past 150 years. There is a need in the contemporary chaotic, fragmented, competition-dominated world to shift into a kind and compassionate co-existence. Participants shared their experiences of how the education system ingrains and reinforces competitiveness, how workplaces value and reward it, and how at the level of individual interactions this can be a dominant characteristic. In the presence and pressure of constant comparison we either strive to fit in or isolate ourselves into our own personal world - a private reality, we get depressed, feel anxious. If we do not get that top prize we are no longer “unfortunate” - that term has at least a smudge of compassion. No, we become "losers".
That disconnection has been spreading. The rise of individualism, the emancipation of the individual in modernity from many societal structures has been, on one hand, a positive development, but on the other it's increasingly producing its own antithesis – tribalism, conformism. Yet so many of us are craving a true community to belong to.
Our group discussed the aspects of compassion as a spectrum of engagement. Often a compassion is mistaken with pity, the feeling of sharing the suffering of another human being, while compassion is the feeling of empathy and a desire to help, to alleviate the suffering. It is very powerful to hear a personal story and participants were generously sharing.
We touched on the importance of the self-compassion: that special kindness towards oneself that is interlinked with forgiveness towards our own errors, mistakes and failures. Various examples from personal practices on how to cultivate it were shared: looking after oneself, seeking physical comfort, letting go of perfectionism, practising mindfulness, being aware of emotions and shame arising, allowing oneself to seek help.
We concluded that there is rising awareness of the importance of cultivating compassion in children as well as in adults, and that we all as individuals can contribute by being aware of our daily interactions and response choices. Compassion in action.
This blog post is written by Hanna Krasnodebska, leader of ConsciousCafe Singapore. Follow the Singapore group page to keep up to date with upcoming meetings!
Conscious Cafe London hosted what can only be described as a brilliant evening with Christa Mackinnon, psychologist and shamanic teacher. After a networking drinks event, Christa presented a fascinating overview of the 'Power of Altered States of Consciousness'. Christa said that we are all so busy that it does not allow us the space and time to be as creative as we are capable of. We became aware of how frequently we have the opportunity to go into a different internally focused space and how innovative we can be in that space.
There was also a lot of discussion about ayahuasca and the power of plants, how they affect us and how we might use them to improve the lives of those who could benefit from their healing properties.
Afterwards we packed into a local restaurant for more conversation. It was a very memorable evening. Thanks to everyone who came.
This post is written by Judy Piatkus, founder of ConsciousCafe and leader of ConsciousCafe London. Follow the London group page to stay up to date with upcoming events!
In April we had our biggest event ever in the two-year history of Conscious Cafe Skipton. It could have been the speaker, Nick Haines of the Five Institute joining us from Nottingham that was the big draw, or it could gave been Nick’s subject of “How to Feel Good About Yourself”. Either way, nearly 40 people joined us for a brilliant evening. We have three videos of the event to share with you, along with a full transcript and summary available to download.
This first video tackles the premise that the more you know about yourself, the more likely you are to feel good about yourself. We look at the cycle of twelve animals in the Chinese Zodiac and, according to Chinese philosophy, how each year affects us, particularly what has happened in the last 12 and what the next 12 years will be like for us, individually and globally.
In this second video, Nick Haines explained the Vitality Test and how it helps you to understand more about how, according to Chinese philosophy, the five energies are balanced or emphasised within you. Each of those five energies presents a KEY PRIMARY QUESTION that will likely endure in your life. Knowing this, and knowing the questions that drive us, is very helpful for relationships and understanding what drives others. When you know your Primary Question it’s easier to understand the gift, and challenges, that it gives you. Take the Vitality Test to find out which of the five energies dominates your life and the enduring question that guides you.
The 3rd video is where Nick Haines hypothesises why it is virtually impossible to come out of childhood with robust self esteem. Neuroscience now indicates that questions have more power over us than statements. Statements with power and force, like scolding ones that are negative in childhood, have greater impact and staying power than ones spoken with gentler, loving tenderness. Your unconscious mind is programmed to answer questions. You best serve yourself by asking Conscious Questions. Conscious questions that leverage our imagination and command the unconscious mind to respond can be constructed with a “WHY?’” or a “HOW?”. These will generate more positive, creative responses and will help us feel good about ourselves. Being kind to ourselves is key, and questions about good self care will make us more sustainable and of course happy.
This post was written by ConsciousCafe Skipton host Gina Lazenby.
Relationships have changed dramatically over the decades. Back in the day most people simply got married. Few of us got any skills training, roles were more clearly defined, divorce was rare and expectations were radically different. Where did you learn from, did you just model your parents’ behaviour? Were you influenced by the movies we watched and Hollywood’s idea of romance?
Today authentic communication is what is needed, but are we fully prepared for that? Mutual understanding seems to be a rare gift in a modern relationship. Over 20 years ago, Psychotherapist Malcolm Stern realised the deep need people have for learning how to be together. Since then, he wrote his book Falling In Love/Staying in Love and his experience working with groups and individuals led him to be the co-presenter of Channel 4’s prime time relationship series Made For Each Other in 2003-2004. We invited London-based Malcolm to join us at Conscious Cafe Skipton in March to talk about how we can develop the necessary skills to transform our relationships.
Relationships are where we learn about ourselves
Malcolm opened the evening with a sharing about his own personal relationships journey and how he came to specialise in this area. He said that being in a relationship is one of the greatest tools we have in our lives because you can’t hide in a relationship. This is where we are most exposed -there really is nowhere to hide. You have to be willing to grow, whatever age you are, because life is always about learning who we are and how we are being. If you want to develop yourself then you need to be in a relationship.
It’s all about LOVE
A relationship is really an opportunity to practice the skills of loving. We only have one task in life that is to learn to love. As much as we need to look after ourselves, we can’t really do this in isolation. Few of us ever fly alone in this world. In quoting from ‘The Prophet’ (Kahlil Gibran) Malcolm said “Relationships will strip us to the bone, they will show us where the shadow is in play”.
The skills that we need to survive relationships, and for life in general, are kindness, thoughtfulness, listening and companionability.
Relationships are rarely problem-free
To create learning for our evening, Malcolm offered the opportunity for an attendee to step forward into the centre of our circle and present their relationship problems for insights. Malcolm pointed out that the group dynamic has enormous power in creating a safe space for opening up and sharing our wisdom, and the most powerful thing that can be offered is our presence and our ability for intentional listening. This depth of sharing would educate us all beyond anything that Malcolm alone could offer. If we can find out what the learning is in the relationship challenges we have, or have had, that is a true gift for all.
The eager, smiling faces of three-dozen aspiring authors greeted ConsciousCafé London this week as we hosted our sell-out event How to Get Your Book Published – Everything You Need to Know.
The little corner of our meet-up café was abuzz with the chatter of excited writers - from authors of epic speculative fiction, to award-winning spoken word poets, and investigative journalists composing thrilling exposés. Over several lattes and a cheeky portion of sweet potato fries, our writers met and got to know each other, sharing their love of the written word and the reasons they wanted to pursue publishing. Some were keenly considering self-publishing, while others expressed interest in the more traditional approach, or even a career in hybrid publishing. Everyone came from different backgrounds, with different levels of experience and a whole host of opinions. One thing was certain though, you can never know too much about the world of publishing!
The variety of panellists for this event was appealing - industry experts joined us from different areas of the field, allowing for a well-rounded discussion. There really was something for everyone: Nick Williams, leadership coach and author of 16 books, spoke in great detail about the intricacies of self-publishing and the ease-of-access today's technology can bring; Fiona Robertson, editor at Watkins Publishing, talked about the process of querying and acquisitions in the traditional publishing sector; and Katie Read of READ Media shared her tips from the world of PR and prompted a collective reflection on the importance of Marketing.
There is something faintly magical in the air when a group of writers get together - a shared understanding that they've been brought together by a shared interest, a passion, and that love of writing makes them friends even if they don't yet know each other. The stories they work on are all so different yet of equal importance, written with the same kind of love and care. Each writer was so keen to share their thoughts and ideas, stars in their eyes, and were just as eager to listen to others share their projects, offering support, advice and heaps of encouragement.
We all went away with a fuller notebook and a mind bubbling with new ideas to help start, or continue, a fruitful life in the world of publishing.
Conscious Café Singapore group held its monthly meeting on 27th March 2019 to discuss the theme of “Identity and a Need of Belonging”.
The historical evolution of 'identity' as a concept in the western hemisphere was presented in a short introduction. In Medieval times, identity was based on a communal and religious affiliation, the communal living and thinking and a blind acceptance of the status quo. The Humanist movement in Italy in 15th century recognised that people possess the mind and intelligence to think for themselves - the “private enlightened conscience”. The alluring new cult of the Self had been discovered. During the Age of Enlightenment, philosopher Locke proposed that identity is a matter of psychological continuity; that when a person is born, the mind is empty - a tabula rasa - which is then shaped by experiences, reflections and sensations. In the 20th century a plethora of views on an individual identity as a correlation between mind and body, as well as development of a social identity theory, was pursued.
Our group discussion started with a few questions: Is our identity our story? How is the access to cyberspace, social media platforms affecting our identity? Does one’s sense of identity influence one’s sense of belonging?
The conversation was immensely enriched by the fact that participants were representing diverse nationalities, ethnic, religious and cultural backgrounds. We shared personal stories that expanded our knowledge and understanding of different historical, social and cultural contexts influencing our individual identities.
We agreed that identity is a story that we constantly construct and embellish in response to changing circumstances in our lives.
With an easy access to cyberspace and social media platforms, we have the opportunity to create digital selves. These projections can reflect our real self or our desired self and the demarcation between these identities can be blurred. Some of us expressed concerns about data protection issues and privacy control when engaged in online activity, and a potential manipulation and for-profit exploitation with increased presence of Artificial Intelligence and its algorithms.
The sense of identity has definitely had an impact on our sense of belonging. Being away for a prolonged period of time from one’s community can make it difficult to “fit in” as it was shared by a few expatriates. It takes an effort to find a mutual acceptance and common ground again. Having an open mind, understanding that life is a constant change, an ability to reflect, an alignment in values and believes, and a capacity to listen and to be heard were listed as some of the attitudes and conditions that positively influence our sense of belonging.
Having a sense of belonging is part of being human. It’s one of our most important basic needs. Where is your strongest sense of belonging? To a church, an organisation, a tribe on social media, extended family? Where is it that you feel most valued and recognised? Sometimes we can feel strongly connected to many people and many groups or ideas. Then again, we might move through periods of our lives when we feel disconnected, separated, perhaps lonely. Are there times when you have drifted away from an idea or a group and lost your sense of belonging? What was it that took you away, and what brought you back?
Feeling a strong sense of belonging to a greater community, a cause or even a circle of friends, not only stops us feeling alone, it brings happiness, motivation and wellbeing. What type of effort and practice does it take to build and sustain this connection?
This was the conversation that Conscious Cafe Skipton had when 18 of our community gathered in Avalon Centre for Wellbeing, near Skipton at the end of February. Here are the insights from the three questions we discussed.
Our discussions led us to express six key ways that help us connect and make us feel that we belong.
People thought the discussion was thought-provoking, enjoyed the different ideas expressed and liked having the opportunity to contribute and be heard.
More about Conscious Cafe Skipton events on our Facebook page.
Hanna Krasnodebska with some of the members of the recently launched Conscious Cafe Singapore group
On Tuesday 26th February 2019, Conscious Cafe's Singapore Group met at the cosy Reading Room to discuss the theme of “Love and Loving practices”, fitting with February’s holiday sentiments.
Hanna Krasnodebska, the group’s leader, started with the notion that love is an energy, and the highest frequency which connects us with the deepest part of ourselves; how love influences human biology, creating an internal environment for nourishment, connection and well-being.
The group discussed aspects of love in the context of forgiveness and gratitude, the giving and receiving. We talked about unconditional love, parental love as experienced from both familiar perspectives, that of a child in a family, and that of a mother who created and raised a family. One of our participants offered an insight: "a woman who experiences a rhythm of cycles has unique path marked with milestones of puberty, potential motherhood, life creating and nurturing family, menopause and becoming of a wise woman, a guiding elder.”
We explored self-love and how we find it challenging to accept ourselves as we are; how the family, community and wider environment influences us in our “quest for love and its expression”.
The gathering comprised of women and we observed that it would be very interesting and complementing to have a male perspective.
Since it's humble beginnings, Conscious Cafe Geneva's meetings have taken place at the MLC Café-Littéraire, a charming coffee-cum-bookshop in the heart of Carouge, run by the lovely Francis. Due to ongoing renovations, the café is set to close for while, which set group leader Debbie King the task of finding a new space.
"I thought it would be REALLY difficult," says Debbie. "So I set aside a day to go hunting for one in Geneva, thinking it would be the first of several expeditions. And guess what - I found three! Not a single person refused me. At the venue I liked the most, the patron simply opened his arms and said 'of course! Walk this way and look at this little room beside the bar which you can have all to yourselves FREE, whenever you want.' AMAZING."
Debbie left town feeling on top of the world, with the most powerful thought: the universe truly provides for a well-intentioned deed.
ConsciousCafe Canterbury held a wonderful, deep and honest conversation on the topic of uncertainty at The Conservatory, which is the perfect place with an intimate feel. Perfect to hold a thoughtful and mindful discussion.
Our conversation ranged far and wide from talking to the moon, and finding solace from the moon and nature. We realised that we need to accept uncertainty as part of life. We felt that religion may help some people deal with uncertainty by giving them something they could trust in and a feeling of something greater than themselves. One participant, Vicky, said it is best to “go with the flow and accept that we are just a little wave on the ocean”.
Each of our group looked back to a time many years ago when they faced uncertainty and dealt with it and looked at what they had learnt. Richard remembered that at a difficult time of uncertainty in his career, keeping a dialogue with everyone really helped him. Another participant said that she had learnt that uncertainty “bears a gift”, and “we can learn to thrive on uncertainty. Feel it, allow it and surrender. See what your gut feels”.
Everyone is different in their reactions to uncertainty. For some, it may trigger fear and stop them progressing whilst others feel the fear and uncertainty but don’t let it hold them back. What are your experiences with uncertainty?
This post is written by Cora Kemball-Cook, leader of ConsciousCafe Canterbury. Follow the Canterbury group page to keep up to date with upcoming meetings!
Thank you to all those who braved the snow to come to ConsciousCafe Geneva last night. We broke a record – one person had to get the train home to Bern afterwards! Our discussions on “2019 and Beyond – How can I be my best self?” were all about our values. It was fascinating that people prioritised very different values, and it helped with my life lessons on judgement to realise why people might not act according to MY expectations sometimes! Why are our values so important, we asked? Because they are our life guide and compass. They show us the way. They make us who we are. They are so important than when we live or work in conflict with them we can become ill, physically and mentally. Do we all live to our values? Even when challenged? We wondered, if asked, would your family and closest friends be able to say what your main values are? After very engaging discussions we ended by examining just ONE value we would like to strengthen in ourselves and a brief closing meditation focused on feeling, being and exuding that value as we went out into the world. Conversation at ConsciousCafe Geneva takes place at small tables, which we mix up several times, so the conversations constantly change and you meet new, like-minded people. For many reasons there always seems to be a very warm atmosphere and we all leave uplifted. It’s about the people contact I think, connecting on a deeper level than usual. And it’s really very beautiful! Join us sometime.
ConsciousCafe London met for their first 2019 gathering to enjoy a discussion on the topic of Expectations versus Reality.As soon as we began to explore the subject, it became obvious that expectations versus reality touches every aspect of our lives several times throughout each day.
We have expectations of others and expectations of ourselves. Sometimes we are much harder on ourselves if we fail to achieve our own expectations than we are on others who we feel have let us down.
We have expectations of how people will treat us - at home and at work - and few people are able to live up to our ideals. We have expectations of organisations, expectations of systems and expectations of technology. In our Western society we expect things to work. When systems fail us - as happens frequently - we often struggle with disappointment and frustration.
In Western society we have little tolerance for systems not working. If we lived in a more fragile society, we would not know what to expect on a daily basis. We also don't know what our expectations of the future of the planet might or should be. Our expectations are infinite and our knowledge very limited.
Our solutions to the problem of expectations versus reality included expressing gratitude for everything we have, focusing on what we receive from others that makes us happy rather than what makes us unhappy and doing our best to live in the present moment so that we are not constantly focusing on our expectations of what will happen in the future.
The topic was very enriching and people shared generously of their feelings - both expectations, disappointments and positive outcomes.
Thank you Gita Shri Kumari for a beautiful and inspiring meditation to start the event. Thank you everyone who took part. I hope I have expressed your experience of the event but do please add comments if I missed anything out.
We look forward to seeing you again soon.
** If you haven't been to a ConsciousCafe discussion before, come and join us. Everyone present took part in the above discussion. We explored the topic in small groups and then came together to share. Our combined exploration resulted in much personal discovery. It was a great afternoon.
Dear Friend,
ConsciousCafe has experienced a lovely 2018, full of expansion and innovation. We started the year with thriving groups in London, Bath, Bristol, Canterbury, SW Dorset (Dorchester), New Forest, Oundle, Skipton, Plymouth and Geneva. In March Nicola Foster facilitated her first discussion for ConsciousCafe in St Albans and in September John Sackett and Joy Sackett launched their new Bournemouth group. We have had several requests from people who would also like to launch groups. Viv Garbe will launch East Herts (Stevenage) in 2019 and Hanna Krasnodevska will create our second international group in Singapore early next year too.
Another first was receiving the special Editor’s Pick Award for 2018 from Kindred Spirit. For seven years now we have created the space for people to come together and explore a wide range of topics in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and non-judgment. During that time we have shared many deep and intimate conversations and have seen beautiful friendships being formed. We are all proud of what we have created and so it was a lovely gift to have our work recognised by Kindred Spirit who really ‘get’ what we offer.
Every group has a varied range of activities. Some groups have monthly discussions while other groups offer keynote speakers and events.
In London we have had a range of experiences. Isabel Losada’s talk about Sensational Sex in March was hugely popular and has also been very warmly received at our ConsciousCafe Plymouth and Canterbury groups.
Jane Bailey Bain talked about How to Create Your Future Story to packed houses in both Geneva and London. Christa Mackinnon’s talk to our group in Plymouth was sold out and she will be sharing her presentation with Q&A in London early next year. Our groups in Skipton and New Forest also offer a wide range of activities as well as discussions.
Meanwhile ConsciousCafe conversations have taken place on a huge variety of subjects. There is so much innovation and creativity among all our members and our Group Leaders have been taking full advantage of that.
In London we have explored Self-Love, Overload Anxiety, Courage (an idea which originated from our St Albans group), Creativity, and Self-Care. Mikkel Juel Iversen facilitated a truly memorable conversation about Homelessness and Dina Glouberman, known to many of you as the co-founder of Skyros, spoke about the themes of her newly published memoir. In the autumn patisserie chain Konditor and Cook offered us gorgeous space for Colin Smith who gave us an excellent workshop on Improving our Listening Skills. This turned out to be a particularly fun evening as we held a networking event beforehand followed by supper at Pizza Express afterwards. We have also enjoyed a Summer Tea and a Winter Festive Tea, having the opportunity to spend time together in a relaxed atmosphere on a Saturday afternoon with no one needing to rush to catch their train home.
When we first launched ConsciousCafe the world was not in so much turmoil as it is now. But as we approach 2019, after a challenging and difficult year for so many people globally, it is becoming increasingly important that we make the time to talk to one another about the things that really matter to each one of us. It is often only by speaking about them that we can truly explore what our thoughts and feelings and ideas are. And it is only by listening to one another in an atmosphere of trust and mutual respect, that we can hope to be able to understand each other’s differences. ConsciousCafe offers that space and the opportunity to connect with likeminded conscious people who we might not otherwise meet.
We thank you for joining the conversation during 2018 and hope to see you in 2019. Please feel free to invite your friends to ConsciousCafe. So many people tell us that their lives have been deeply enriched by having the opportunity to join this community.
Every ConsciousCafe leader gives their time generously and freely. Huge thanks go out from all of us to Britt, Jo, Peter, Anne, Charlie, Cora, Helena, Gina, Nicola, Debbie, Grace, Alan, John, Joy, Viv, Hanna and all of you who are supporting them. All our leaders come from their hearts.
We offer a huge thank you to everyone who has helped us financially this year and especially our generous supporters. I work 2 – 3 days a week for ConsciousCafe and everything we do is funded by all of you who support our vision and our events. We always try to keep the price as low as we can so that everyone can take part.
As always, we are very grateful to Joyce Deen for her care in admin and book-keeping and to Kate Cowan who is responsible and thoughtful about all our marketing. We welcome Tess Burton who has just joined us to develop our social media profile.
If ConsciousCafe has nurtured your soul this year and if you would like to help us launch more groups next year so that more people can benefit from what we offer, please become a ConsciousCafe supporter for 2019 (£50 or £40 (concessions)).
You can find out more here.
Or if you simply feel moved to honour what we do in aiming to raise consciousness in the world through conversation and connection, please donate on our ‘From the Heart’ button on our website supporters page. Every small amount you are able to give us helps us to continue the work we are here to do which is to raise consciousness through conversation and connection so that, by developing mutual understanding, we help to make the world a better place to live in for each one of us.
We wish you all a very restful holiday and hope that 2019 will be a happy, healthy and abundant year for all of you and your loved ones.
With love,
Judy and the ConsciousCafe team
As ConsciousCafe Geneva ended 2018 with a Festive Finale last night I take a moment to reflect on the past year. We have had cafes on diverse themes such as Love; Wisdom; Time; Identity, Nationality and Nationalism; and yesterday Gratitude. We have been guided by inspirational speakers : Bonnie Fatio and “The Gifts I Give to the World”; Diana Ritchie on “Conscious Living through Sophrology”; Jane Bailey Bain on “Creating Your Own Life Story”; and Chris Burton on “Pivotal Moments that Shape Us”. We also had the great pleasure of having our Founder, Judy Piatkus, join us for a very special evening with “Two Inspirational Women". On each occasion our ConsciousCafes have lived up to their purpose, bringing people together to connect through conscious conversation and the profound interaction between strangers has been heart-warming and uplifting. It reveals the beautiful best of humanity. Each cafe has helped me to expand my ideas about the world and learn from the wisdom of others. I now count our regulars as good friends. All of these things I appreciate.
So how appropriate that we closed the year talking about gratitude before we partied a little. I shared some of the research that suggests that gratitude can affect us emotionally by lowering depression, stress and other toxic feelings, and by increasing self-esteem and fostering mental strength. It seems that being thankful can also have a positive impact on us physically with studies showing links to improved sleep, lower blood pressure, better immunity and healthier hearts. So our first conversation revolved around our reaction to this research and sharing whether and how we experience gratitude in our own lives. One woman’s words helped me to realise that when I say thanks for a glorious day/sky/event/friend it anchors me more fully in the present moment.
Debbie King, Bonnie Fatio & Judy Piatkus
We then looked at ways to experience more gratitude, in particular we tried out an exercise called “Three Good Things” where you write down three good experiences you had that day, even quite ‘simple’ ones, and how they made you feel. As I watched people share their notes I saw their faces illuminate as they remembered, relived and felt again the magic moments they had experienced that day. Things as simple as waking to snow, remembering a special hug, lunch with friends, the uplifting feelings that came from an exercise class. We realised that by taking this moment to reflect back on the day we appreciated events more fully. Incidents in time that would otherwise have passed by and perhaps not been long remembered. Some people write these daily memories on a slip of paper, pop them in a jar then give themselves the New Year gift of reading them at the end of the year. Forgotten moments are reawakened. Some years ago my husband gave me a ’gratitude rock’ which I still have, clasp when I pass it, and give brief silent thanks for my blessings. I shared this idea by giving everyone their own rock to keep, and we had our closing meditation holding them. Everyone chose their stone carefully – it’s important they feel just right in the palm of your hand!!
Studies state that cultivating gratitude does not necessarily reduce seeing the negative features of life – “people have no trouble seeing the bad stuff” – but it encourages us to acknowledge the good things and thereby open ourselves to the potential boost that saying thanks can give to our mind and body health.
What were you grateful for today?
References :
9 Powerful Ways Gratitude can Change your Life : Amy Morin
Can Gratitude be Good for your Heart? Paul J Mills & Laura Redwine
Our discussion group in Geneva is led by Debbie King, former Chief Probation Officer and Counsellor.
Click on our ConsciousCafe Geneva Meet Up page or Facebook page to message Debbie directly or for further information.
New Forest's 2018 Conscious Cafe came to a festive close with our annual Christmas party, featuring a lush Christmas Dinner from Tessie. Secret Santa gifts were merrily shared, and some of us were keen to share favourite recitals; “Albert the Lion” by Janet and “Fading Fast” by Anne were great hits! As ever, the evening was filled with great conversation, much laughter (and even some dancing!)
A lot of great insights were taken away with us this evening. One choice affirmation is from Diana:
“I am strengthening my resolve to say ‘no’ to those things I do not wish to participate in. Self Process: in any given relationship try to discern the level of love present within it. Stand up for yourself and know your own self worth."
Another favourite insight was from Marcos:
“We can learn not to keep situations or events alive in our minds, but to return our attention consciously to the pristine, timeless present moment rather than be caught up in mental movie-making. Our very Presence then becomes our identity rather than our thoughts and emotions."
The Conscious Cafe New Forest group had a fabulous end to their 2018 and would like to pass an end-of-year question on to you: what have you learned this year that has had an impact on your life?
Wishing you a great Christmas and a fruitful & fulfilling 2019!
Anne x
New Forest Group Leader
All of us are creative. At every moment we are creating the lives we want to live, the space we inhabit, the way we accomplish our work, how we relate to others.
These are some of the conclusions reached at our wonderful discussion on the topic of creativity at ConsciousCafe London this week. It was very special because when we came together and shared our thoughts we were able to access a deeper than usual part of ourselves and share it with others in what turned out to be a very rich and inspiring conscious dialogue.
For some people their passion for creativity is enjoyment of the actual process of creating, whether they do it collaboratively or alone. Some of us need people to witness our creativity for it to exist. Others are happy simply to create for their own pleasure. We may create material objects - art, sculpture, batik, rune stones – for the sheer joy of the experience and for others to enjoy. Or we might write our journals for our pleasure alone. Some people create conceptually - planning lessons, growing businesses, developing relationships. Not all creativity results in anything tangible.
All kinds of things may block our creativity – time for ourselves, space in which to create, willpower, responsibilities. Yet everything we do is an act of creativity – whether we think we are channelling our inspiration and ideas from some higher source or simply using the talents and skills that we were born with.
Our conversation seemed to leave all of us on a high. We had probed so deeply and shared from our hearts. The event had turned out to be one of the most exciting of ConsciousCafe conversations (and there have been hundreds of very good ones).
Thank you everyone for taking part. See you again soon.
JP
*The title of this piece is inspired by a line from the poem One Summer Day by Mary Oliver
What a fascinating evening we had at ConsciousCafe Canterbury - and it also generated a lot of discussion both immediately afterwards and in the proceeding days.
Our three speakers all came from very varied and interesting backgrounds. Louise Cox Chester came from a career in investment analysis and fund management but decided to leave this high flying world to set up Mindfulness at work ten years ago. Her organisation supports global corporations through designing and delivering mindfulness based training that brings focus, clarity and calm to people. Mindfulness at work has worked with over 250 organisations ranging from Cisco and Savills to Unilever and UBS. They also deliver mindful self compassion programmes in the NHS, teach in schools and run a not for profit organic retreat centre in Wingham.
Viv Moore is a Mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) teacher with a background in nursing and psychology, she has been a University lecturer with a PhD in Psychology. She runs 8 week MBSR courses and she has specialized particularly in helping clients with severe chronic pain. Emma Slade or Ani Pema Deki came from the banking world and the story of her transformation from high flying banker to Buddhist nun is told in her popular book Set Free which she sells in aid of the charity she set up Opening your Heart to Bhutan. As a practicing Tibetan Buddhist she says that in Tibetan there is no word for “Mindfulness” which seems curious as the practice has come out of Buddhism!
It was surprising to hear that it is not easy to even define exactly what mindfulness is despite the word being in such common parlance these days.
Louise felt that mindfulness could be defined as loving connected presence either towards self or others or towards an object; it is about being present. Viv felt that the practice dealt with the fact of life being suffering and is about addressing pain in our lives. Louise felt that mindfulness helped people make better choices in their lives, it would enable them to have a pause between stimulus and response, it would help them to communicate more effectively and to give their full attention to colleagues in meetings.
We discussed the fact that the practice may not be suitable for everyone, if someone was recently bereaved then a mindfulness meditation would make them more acutely aware of their grief, also people with mental health problems might find it painful or difficult to practice mindfulness. Everyone agreed that yoga practice can be extremely beneficial for everyone as it was mindful practice that made people aware of their bodies.
It was felt that some people got benefits similar to meditation from running or other sports or even from playing a musical instrument. We were able to experience two short meditations and in the feedback one person who had never meditated before and was surprised that in a guided short meditation they were able to clear their mind.
This is just an overview of what we talked about and I am sure that many of you found other nuggets of interest which I have failed to mention. Do let me know your thoughts on the evening.
Cora
ConsciousCafe Canterbury Leader
Congratulations to Judy Piatkus, our founder, on being the winner of Kindred Spirit magazine's Editor's Pick Award 2018.
This is a relatively new category in which Claire Gillman, the editor, chose someone whom she believes to be worthy of recognition for the important and meaningful work that they are doing.
Judy is absolutely delighted to have been chosen and wishes to share the award with all the ConsciousCafe Group Leaders and Supporters who work with her to raise global consciousness and connection through conversation.
Click here to see Judy saying 'Thank you'. Judy video
Living in this day and age I’m finding myself increasingly interested in ways of becoming more self aware and of experiencing life in greater technicolour. In Conscious Cafe I have found a community with similar interests and get to reap the benefits of learning and growing with likeminded people from all walks of life. It’s quite insightful to learn how the qualities of a mindful approach can play out in publishing, luxury hotels, supermarkets, branding, coaching…The list is endless.
John Danias
May we thank John for permission to share his recent article, posted on LinkedIn here.
Over the last 7 years, through ups, down, fears and joys, through the rollercoaster called "Life", I’ve been really drawn to mindfulness.
"Mindfulness", "meditation", "self-awareness": these are relatively unusual terms and consequently can have different meanings and associations for each person.
For me mindfulness simply means intentionally bringing some curiosity to the experience in hand. This can be a work meeting, family banter, a boxing fight or a walk in the park. By attending more clearly to what is happening, bringing some awareness to the thoughts, emotions and body sensations playing out moment by moment, it is possible to gain a better understanding of how this "John Danias" experiences life and consequently take wiser actions.
So, it’s about improving my confidence at work, interaction with my kid, reflexes when sparring, in fact anything that I am working on.
At work
During meetings I notice the acute desire to get my point across generates some anxiety and clouds the mind. And I have no doubt that my nervousness, however subtle, gets communicated to some degree. Using some specific observation-based techniques I can notice the process playing about (‘metacognition’ in scientific terms): mild tension on my shoulders just by the neck, slight straining in the eyes, shallow breathing and a charged internal dialogue questioning if it’s the right time to interject. Recognising these signs, I initiate a subtle breathing exercise whilst continuing to attend to the meeting. And gradually the possibility opens up for the tension to dissipate, the meeting being experienced with greater clarity, the point being put across with greater refinement and when not speaking, to just sit back and watch the show.
Clear, assertive communication, free from overthinking and second-guessing, is something I need to cultivate. The science of neuroplasticity adheres to the ability of training the mind through repetition. Consequently, every skilful communication, irrespective of the context, can improve my communication at work. Then why not practice at the grocer’s too? Why not with my family?
With family
I’m going back home feeling a bit down. When I tell my wife how I feel my instinctive reaction will be to highlight that it’s not a problem and reassure her. This time I will try an experiment. I will put aside my overthinking and will simply state it clearly and with presence. I will not quantify the ‘low’, and I will not add the habitual “but it will be okay”. Let’s see.
“I’m feeling low”.
The response is amazing: acceptance and support. So nice to feel supported, so reassuring. We’ve empowered each other through vulnerability – I will remember this lesson.
Why am I writing this article?
There is an incredible wealth of interesting techniques to cultivate a more mindful state. Whilst I have explored a multitude, I have only touched the surface. They are becoming increasingly sophisticated and can be tailored to our aims, lifestyle and personalities. Surgically precise meditation exercises can improve our faculty of attention and response. A technique called 'Wim Hof Method*' can enable us to voluntarily activate the autonomic nervous system.
Each one of us will embrace 'mind training**' at some point. Now, in a year, in ten? I wonder...
I love talking about mindfulness. I love communicating what I’m learning from this practice and exchanging ideas. Every communication is my nourishment. When you’re interested, when you’re ready, please get in touch. Let’s help each other to grow.
* Link to scientific article here.
** Mind is defined as ‘the faculty of consciousness and thought’.
Survival is the most basic of human needs. Mikkel Juel Iversen is a film producer who runs a remarkable charity project, UnderOneSky which aims to support the homeless. He facilitated a very moving discussion at ConsciousCafe in London which was not just about being homeless but also about being human.
There are an estimated 8,000 people sleeping rough in London annually and many more who have no home but sleep as and where a friend or family can offer a bed. 85% of rough sleepers are men. And, in 2016, 270,000 people had a homelessness related case processed by their local council. For many of us, losing our home might be just one month and one pay-packet away.
90% of people who are sleeping rough have some form of mental health issue – including disorders which many of us will be familiar with such as depression, bi-polar or addiction. Aside from that, the message of the evening which came through loud and clear is that all of us are human beings. Homeless people are not ‘the other’. They are no different from any of us and are in that situation because of many different reasons which our society has been unable to help them with.
One of the group shared how she always carries some food – often fruit – to offer a homeless person when she is out and about. She likes to engage with people and will often speak with them. She might start the conversation by asking how they are, and then if they feel inclined to talk she will explore how they found themselves on the street and how they feel about that. One time she suggested a woman make contact with her father whom she had not seen for many years. Passing by a few weeks later, the woman told her she had been in touch with him and they were going to meet.
Sometimes a remark or a smile, nod or wink from a passing stranger can make all the different to a homeless person’s day.
Mikkel reminded us that everyone is an individual. Some days we want to talk to people and other days we don’t and so it is with all of us. If we walk with love, compassion and empathy, that is what we are bringing to the situation. If what we offer is not welcome, it is not about us.
Another group member shared that she had been homeless in her life. ‘It’s important for people who are homeless to know that they are not invisible’ she said.
Some of the people living on the streets have struggled with living in ‘chaotic’ households since they were very young. Some of them feel safer on the streets than in the homes they come from or in hostels where there can be no privacy and much drug-taking, drunkenness and abuse. It can be very hard for them to develop resilience and as soon as their lives improve a little, sometimes they self-destruct. Some people have had so much trauma in their lives, they simply can’t function.
Mikkel said that once a person becomes accustomed to sleeping rough, they develop a completely different set of survival skills to protect themselves. It is important not to measure people in that situation by the same yardstick that we might make judgments about our neighbours.
The most important thing to remember when engaging with people on the streets is to only do what feels right to us. We too need to be in touch with our gut instincts.
People who are homeless are on their own life journey in the same way that the rest of us are. When we meet them, we hold up a mirror very close to ourselves. This is an opportunity for each of us to reflect on how we are feeling when we engage or do not engage with strangers on the streets. We can question why we feel this way and what do we need to deal with in ourselves?
Living on the streets changes a person and all of us have to learn to let go of judgment.
This was such a powerful discussion with everyone contributing and listening. There was so much to reflect on and we continued talking over drinks afterwards. Each one of us left the evening feeling much more thoughtful and those of us who had not done so before resolved to take the first steps towards beginning to engage with people on the streets ‘when it feels right’.
Huge thanks to Mikkel for giving so generously of his time and for facilitating the discussion so gently. He started UnderOneSky six years ago as an initiative to offer support to homeless people sleeping rough particularly in winter when it is cold. His teams go out on the streets in groups with parcels containing a number of items including a small gift voucher which enables people to purchase everyday things which they might be acutely in need of.
If you would like to learn more and donate, please go to https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/2017-18-winter-support-for-london-s-homeless#/
If you would like to take part in the work of UnderOneSky or observe what is going on, you are welcome to join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/432122693577153/
JP
26.04.2018
Tamara Alferoff facilitated a memorable discussion at ConsciousCafe on the topic of Self-Love, on a freezing cold snowy night in London, at the end of February.
She started by telling us that when she googled the words ‘self-love’, there were 54 million results for it. Such a huge number.
Why are so many people wanting to explore the meaning of self-love at this time?
Tamara posed a number of ideas which we explored together.
She suggested that society’s obsession with the topic reflects back to us what is happening in our Western world today. Many people no longer experience the loving stability of their family as in previous times. The women’s movement has raised womens’ self-esteem but men now feel destabilised. Elderly people no longer feel part of the family unit while too many children are in care. Western society has lost its respect for mothering and for the importance of nurturing. Even people in solid relationships feel unworthy, not good enough in some way.
In addition we have few leaders and role-models in all walks of life who we respect. We live in a time of great change and upheaval and comfort ourselves with shallow gossip from the media. Positive politics does not seem to exist.
The topic of self-love in magazines focuses on pampering ourselves in spas with wine and selfies. But is that what we mean by self-love? Is it what we really want or need?
Where is the mirror that mirrors back to us that we are worthy, good human beings?
The group were fascinated by the deep connection of the ideas around self-love and its alignment with the changing social values in our contemporary Western society. It left us all with many important questions to reflect on.
After this powerful introduction, the group began to share their ideas and their wisdom. There were divergent viewpoints about the meaning of self-love. Does a lack of self-love illuminate our shadow? How do we love people and their shadows? Perhaps the real challenge with self-love is to find our own shadow, meet it and integrate it?
Is our lack of self-love also caused by a lack of meaning in our lives? Does too much material wealth cause people to lose their humanity and compassion and respect for themselves? Do we struggle with self-love when we do not have a powerful purpose in our lives to get us out of bed in the morning?
Perhaps the key to self-love is being totally present with ourselves on all occasions even though that is not always possible to achieve.
After much more discussion and exploration, we ended the evening with one of the participants sharing Elizabeth Jennings’ poem Delay and a gorgeous song which Tamara had downloaded for us: I Love Myself the Way I Am (Jai, Alice Altink)
Tamara’s parting gift was this lovely quote from a friend:
Self-love is the acceptance of who I am in the given moments. This means both times I see things I like about myself and those times when I am not a big fan.
Huge thanks to Tamara for her deep reflection and sharing on this powerful topic and to everyone who contributed to this memorable evening.
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| My indoor conservatory - the ornament shelf from London repurposed and now holding my collection of plants that I've grown from scratch. Very good feng shui - I have been growing like my plants !! |
For the last two years, since leaving my beloved London house, I have been setting up new foundations for myself. I am not even crystal-clear about what happens next but as Kevin Costner famously said "if you build it they will come".
Now that this new container is done, I am currently focusing on the details of creating order, one of life's essential support systems. Finding a place for everything and everything in its place. Oh the joy of being efficient and finding everything!
My diary is quite spacious at the moment and I am relishing having a long breather away from the fray .... but I can feel momentum gathering in the ether (like the faint rumble of stampeding hooves in the far distance). Let's see how this coming year unfolds.
I will be in San Francisco in February for Wisdom 2.0, again, a place where I truly find my tribe. It is my sixth time attending and I'm taking colleagues with me from London, Iceland, Germany and Sydney. Four of us have been working on a program leveraging the power and potency of reinvention. It is called "From Warrior to Warrior - How to Reinvent Yourself at Any Age and Take on the World". We are looking to arrange events and opportunities to speak while we are in San Francisco and California in February 20-28th. I am also hoping to have a chance to host a Women's Gathering there too. Do get in touch if you have suggestions. Thank you. Keep in touch via the Worrier to Warrior Facebook page.
Much of my life force in 2016 (just before the building mayhem took over my life) went into producing a series of The Rise of the Feminine radio programmes. A new series will be back this year .... so many of the conversations that I had 18 months ago are just now gathering real interest.
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Finally, I want to share the news of my mentor, spiritual grandmother and friend Dadi Janki. She is 102 this month. Unbelievable, especially as she is still working (Head of the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University). Apparently she's just been to Southern India to open a new retreat centre and has been speaking to 500 people. We are expecting her in London in April...... so that is exciting. And the community of women who we recognised in the 100 Women of Spirit initiative to honour Dadi's 100 years, continues to gather pace. We are creating an event on June 16th to support young women and share the wisdom of older women with Millennials and vice versa! Let me know if you want an invite or know a young woman.
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What are they all waiting for??! |
ConsciousCafe has had a brilliant 2017.
In a year which has been fraught with unsettling challenges globally, it is clear that you want to come together and explore what is happening on the planet and in your own lives, with likeminded souls who are willing and happy to share different perspectives, personal experience and much wisdom.
During the year we launched several new groups and we now have 11 groups in total, 10 in different towns in the UK and 1 in Geneva. We will be launching more groups in 2018.
Our lovely conscious group leaders have given generously of their time and their energy to hold the space for all of you to meet. Huge thank you to Anne, Charlie, Britt, Simon, Cora, Debbie, Grace, Alan, Karen, Gina and Judy for coming from your hearts and giving so much of yourselves. Huge thanks also to Kate Cowan of FoxbrandMarketing and to Joyce Deen for their help with marketing and admin. ConsciousCafe would not exist without the generosity and commitment of all of you to the idea of raising consciousness all around us through conversation and deep connection.
We have heard so many stories of how the impact of our meeting together at ConsciousCafe ripples out and affects many many others in ways we often cannot imagine.
We send a huge thank you to all of you who have come to our events and taken part in our conversations this year. Truly ConsciousCafe is a magical space for so many of us and we feel very grateful that it exists in our lives.
Can you help?
We are looking for a lovely capable person to come from their heart and work alongside Judy in a voluntary capacity next year. Judy will continue to work with group leaders and would like to find someone to organise events in London. It’s a wonderful opportunity to help grow an organisation which is hugely valued by everyone who has the opportunity to connect with it.
If you are interested please write to info@consciouscafe.org enclosing your cv, listing your skills and telling us why you would be interested in working with ConsciousCafe.
We wish you all a fabulous break and much love in all your lives. We look forward to continuing our work of raising consciousness and connectedness on the planet with you in 2018.
Judy
ConsciousCafe Founder
The ConsciousCafe Skipton community at our first event in June
I really enjoy attending ConsciousCafe events in London, often held in founder Judy Piatkus’ lovely north London home. Of course it’s just not possible to attend the full programme of events as I no longer live in London. And I’m sure I’m not the only who loves the Conscious Cafe experience of meaningful conversation and heartfelt connection. There are an increasing number of us who want to bring a taste of it to our home towns around the UK. It’s selfish really ….. We don’t now have to travel to London to get our uplifting fix!
And so it was in June this year that ConsciousCafe Skipton was born. Another selfish reason behind me starting it was to find and connect with a tribe of local people who are interested in what I am passionate about … like-minded souls who enjoy thoughtful conversations about how we want to live life, what our values are and what we can do to help create a better world for everyone.
The first meeting of the new ConsciousCafe community in Skipton was held in June 19th at our adopted home of Hettie’s Cafe at the top of the High Street. We opened the evening with a circle where everyone shared who they were and what had inspire them to attend.
Why we all came together for ConsciousCafe here is a summary expressed by the group:
CONNECTION CURIOSITY COMMUNITY COMPANIONSHIP
As this first event was called “Can we afford to care about people and be kind?”, Gina Lazenby opened up the evening with a short slide presentation about Caring Economics, based on the book by lawyer and activist Dr Riane Eisler. Riane has been listed as one of twenty of the world’s great peacemakers (along with Luther King and Ghandi) and her book ‘Caring Economics: The Real Wealth of Nations’ has been an inspiration to Gina and her work in writing about healthy living and also feminine values and leadership. Gina said Riane’s work brought together her two passions of caring for well-being through our homes and the contribution to society by women. Gina says, “The key premise of Riane’s work is that society measures and values the wrong things. It is time for us to put Caring and Care-giving into the spotlight as it underpins everything else in society.”
Riane points out that GDP measures everything except the contribution made by community work and volunteering; stewardship of nature and the natural world; and the daily work of home-making and bringing up children. Without these free, unpaid, undocumented and undervalued activities the world would simply cease functioning. There is such a warped bias in our economic system that GDP actually increases when bad things happen … clearing up after an oil tanker disaster might decimate wildlife which has no economic value on a country’s balance sheet but it creates extra wealth through clean-up costs and legal action. We are simply measuring the wrong things. Anything that is not counted and measured is then not valued.
One of the key premises of Caring Economics is understanding how societies are shaped in one of two ways … either as Hierarchies with each level of an ascending pyramid held in place by fear and control. In this system, patriarchy rules and there is always one gender, ethnicity, nation, sexuality that has priority over another. In this worldview, any contribution provided by a lower value gender … women … is seen as being of less value. That means the caring and care-giving work, undertaken by both men and women, which is seen as being feminine, has a lower economic value and less impact. At the other end of a continuum, collaboration thrives under the Partnership way where power is used to empower and support each other and not to hold people back by having power over someone else. Riane says that organisations, countries and societies are all, in some way, moving along the continuum towards partnership and away from hierarchical control. The whole planet is a work in progress on this score!
So, from this, with the understanding that caring and care-giving are not seen by society as having economic value, we can understand why jobs in this field attract such low pay and low prestige. Our ConsciousCafe community broke out into discussion groups and covered questions around humanity’s self-interest, what younger people are looking for, what’s in the process of changing, who is responsible for change, rewarding kindness in business life, the degree to which people work hard, educating children to think differently ….. in fact a list of questions we could have spent a weekend debating. We created much food for thought!
The subject of the evening ‘caring and valuing care-giving’ attracted quite a few people to attend who actually work in the health and caring industries. We heard about the needs of patients & clients becoming ever greater and more complex in an ageing population. Although it was difficult to find resolutions and come up with answers, many people felt comforted just by being able to share their experience of the caring system and hearing each other’s stories meant that they felt validated. There was a consensus that important conversations needed to be had. By sharing different perspectives and opinions we all wake up and recognise that change will happen through a process and not by one single decision or action.
Summary: Even though the subject is overwhelmingly complex and there was no greater clarity we did feel we had a greater understanding about the future and there was still a sense of hope that things will change, either because we are heading for breakdown and out of that total chaos, radical change will have to emerge … or because, the younger millennial generations prioritise much more compassionate values and so demonstrate that they could be behind the much-needed shift that their older superiors are not able to grasp. This is a summary of some of the points that emerged in a topic that we all agreed was endless and stimulating when the community reconvened for a group sharing.
Some individual feedback about the first ConsciousCafe evening in Skipton:
“Great night, I really enjoyed myself.”
“The conversation flowed quickly and even though we did not know each other, it felt easy.”
“I have been suffering from career fatigue but I am feeling invigorated by tonight’s sharing and insights.”
“Really nice to have the opportunity to step back, get away from the detail and get a sense of the big picture.”
“I have been feeling angry but I recognise this can be good if I use it. I want to keep the fight going!”
“These conversations have confirmed that my life changes are putting me on the right path. I am inspired.”
“I feel really nourished by tonight.”
“A great place to have an honest conversation.”
Gina Lazenby
ConsciousCafe Skipton Leader
ConsciousCafe founder Judy Piatkus was quoted in a recent piece published in The Guardian. Sales of mind, body and spirit books are booming this year. Judy thinks this is a reflection of how society is changing. She believes that people are questioning how we live, what is working and what is not working. Younger people are growing up with a different set of values and this is reflected in the growth of sales in this area of the book market.
This is all good news for people who come to ConsciousCafe and want to explore all these new ideas with one another, helping each other to raise consciousness and awareness of change as we journey forward together.
ConsciousCafe is here to stay. Its our 6th Anniversary year and we have had amazing expansion in the last 12 months. New groups have opened in Canterbury, Dorchester, Geneva, Skipton and Bristol to add to the ones we already had in Oundle, New Forest, Bath and London. Now we are poised for more launches this autumn in Plymouth, Liverpool and SW London.
There was a lot to celebrate and our party was held in the main room with bar at The Lib-rary, a social club in St Martins Lane, near Charing Cross. There was a great atmosphere as people arrived and greeted old friends and were introduced to new people who they hadn’t met before.
True to ConsciousCafe style, we wanted to spend part of the evening in reflection. Thought-leader, author and international speaker Jude Jennison, who works with executive boards and leadership teams, is writing a book on coping with uncertainty and she presented us with several themes to reflect on in groups. What are the challenges of living and working with uncertainty? How do you remain grounded when you live with uncertainty? What strategies can you use to help?
Jude gave examples from her own life. It is important to be open to uncertainty as we never know what the future will hold for us. Six years ago she was afraid of horses. Now she partners with them daily and coaches teams of leaders to learn new skills. Horses give clear feedback and have no agenda and can therefore help people to gain more self-awareness and understanding as they see their own behaviour mirrored by the horses.
There was fantastic energy in the room as we shared our fears and our hopes. Uncertainly has always formed part of the human journey. It will always be with us. But it does seem magnified at the moment. Some people cope by enhancing their deep connections with the people they love; others want to spend more time in nature; some people turn to their spiritual practice. Gratitude also featured for when we appreciate all that we have been given, it can be easier to live in uncertain times.
The evening ended with more food and drink – we had an open bar which was included in the ticket price – so the drink kept flowing until the end of the evening when the tab ran out and it was time to leave the party. It gave us all a lovely feeling of abundance as we enjoyed the deep sense of connection with one another that ConsciousCafe offers.
Here’s to another year of success for ConsciousCafe as we all work together to raise awareness of the human need for love, connection and understanding both for ourselves and for our beautiful planet.
Judy Piatkus with grateful help from Dr Phyllis SantaMaria’s notes
3 July 2017
One of the saddest things about being human is that it takes the most painful events to awaken us to our humanity.
We can't appreciate our most joyful moments without having had great sadness to contrast them with.
On a global level there are times when the whole world suffers together and when everyone on the planet shares joy together. The consequences of climactic disasters, the sadness and pain of events such as 9/11 and 3/11, the Japanese Tsunami, and the horrendous unnecessary wars, started by those who are greedy for power and money, contrasts with the admiration we feel when we see remarkable feats of heroic endurance, explorers conquering new frontiers, tech inventors creating products which make our lives easier and scientists developing new cures which will enable us to live longer.
We experience this duality on a national level too. Remember the highs so many of us felt during the 2012 Olympics when the whole nation came together to celebrate our great sporting heroes and show London off to its best. Contrast that with the pain and sorrow of the last few days when only the hardest of hearts could fail to be unmoved by the recent unfolding tragic events.
In the past few days, arising from the Grenfell tragedy, we have witnessed the very best of human nature responding to greed, negligence and the most selfish, unheeding and uncaring human characteristics.
I understand that this is emotional duality which we are here to experience and which gives us the opportunity to learn our greatest lessons.
Unfolding events are bringing people together to fight for and demand a better, fairer world and technology makes it easier for us to join with others and respond as one in times of great crisis.
This week we are united in sadness as each one of us in our own personal way, honours the souls of those who died so the rest of us might learn from what they have gone through and do our best to try to be better human beings.
It was a beautiful English summer day when our eclectic ConsciousCafe group set off from Hampstead tube station for our first ‘Walk and Talk’ event on Hampstead Heath.
The Heath terrain is steep in parts and passes through ancient woodland areas with natural paths and wide green open spaces. Only a few of us had met before and we chatted with each other as we experienced the diverse natural pleasures of the Heath. We were on our way to Kenwood House, an elegant former stately home surrounded by a large estate with landscaped gardens. Its a great favourite with local people as well as with tourists.There’s something especially relaxing about meeting new people when you are out for a walk. Thoughtful enjoyable conversations were taking place between all of us and it didn’t feel as though we had only met each other just a short while before.
We wandered round the Kenwood grounds, admiring the lake and the views, before relaxing with a drink at the open-air café. It was such a fabulous day that most of us were not in the mood for exploring inside the house, preferring to save that pleasure for a second visit in a colder season.
Our route home took us past The Creamery, a small white building on a little hill near the main House which used to be the dairy for the estate. You can still see the equipment that was used at the time. The views from The Creamery of the fields, trees and estate are as natural now as they would have been two hundred years ago. No wonder it is such a popular location for film-makers of dramas, both historical and contemporary. Notting Hill had a scene shot here as did Belle and the new film, Hampstead, coming out soon, has some fantastic shots of the heath, Kenwood and surrounding area as it is based on a true story set in Hampstead.
We ended our visit with a look at Whitestone Pond, which some say is the highest point in London, before wending our way back down the hill towards Hampstead village. All of us agreed it had been an ideal day for the walk and we will have a lovely shared memory of the first ConsciousCafe event in nature.
Judy
ConsciousCafe FounderA lively group of people gathered to enjoy a wide-ranging and thoughtful discussion on the topic of ‘What is Truth’?
While ConsciousCafe isn’t a physical space, this time we were meeting in a café/bar and so it was a fun ambience for a serious topic.
Our expert facilitator Caroline Shola Arewa led us in a meditation and then posed some questions to set us thinking. Everyone had some ideas to share and it soon became clear that ‘truth’ means many different things both to different people and at different times of our lives.
Strong themes that came through were the importance of recognising that people can experience the same event but their personal truth about the event will be different. Communication is very important in order to understand each others' different point of view of what their truth actually means to them.
Truth can also change with time. Many years later, with more age, wisdom and understanding what appeared to be true in the past can sometimes be seen in a different light. We realised also that much of what each one of us might regard as personal truth is sometimes more perception than actual truth.
The prime quality of truth is that it resonates inside, connects with your heart, feels good. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find the truth as it is buried under the clutter.
Some people are so sure of the rightness of their views that they become convinced they are true in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Others twist the facts to suit their own agenda. While these are much discussed topics at the present moment, we recognised that throughout history there have always been some human beings who have behaved in that way.
After exploring personal truths, Shola shared ideas about the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism and what truth meant for her personally. We explored some of the ancient wisdoms about Truth.
Finally we came to some conclusions. Several of us felt that as we have become older, we feel ‘we know nothing’. Others had recognised that as soon as they let go of having to be right and having a need to defend their opinions, life had become much easier, for, in truth, we all hold different opinions and ideas about the world which we regard as true. As soon as we can let go of our need to be right and tolerate and respect different points of view, the world will become a much more peaceful place.
There were cheers and applause at the ConsciousCafe Geneva launch last night when I announced that the evening marked the first International ConsciousCafe. What followed was a great night in the spirit of ConsciousCafe’s everywhere in the UK … twenty-two likeminded people coming together to enjoy thoughtful discussion; deep connection with other people; and, from the happy atmosphere and immediate feedback, leaving energized and positive.
We took as our theme ConsciousCafe’s aim to raise global consciousness one conversation at a time asking the question “what does this mean and how can conversation achieve it?” It was apparently a good starter question and from the beginning everyone engaged in animated discussions. We talked and shared at tables of four or five with people moving around after 20 minutes to make new connections and conversations. We have a beautiful collection of illustrated table mats which reveal how broad and deep the discussions roamed.
This was an uplifting start to ConsciousCafe Geneva, proving that one can have profound discussions with new acquaintances in a very enjoyable and heartening way. I particularly relished the fact that we were from a wide range of age groups and life experience.
The next ConsciousCafe Geneva will be Wednesday 26th April and personally, I can’t wait.
Debbie King, Geneva Organiser.
ConsciousCafe’s London group were treated to a very inspiring evening at the end of January when Deborah Henley demonstrated how we can inspire ourselves and others by using our emotional intelligence and a variety of other techniques.
In a concise two hour presentation and interactive session Deborah offered so many inspiring ideas that soon all of us were firing on different cylinders. Each of us was invited to share a time when we had unexpectedly been inspired. Our combined experiences showed that a challenging event could often become the catalyst for a change in our lives that could inspire us to make our best decisions. I especially liked Margaret’s story of how she was inspired to change direction in her career when she found herself driving the wrong way round a one-way system.
Our emotional intelligence skills come into play when we consider ourselves in relation to others. We need to have an awareness of our own emotions and how we respond to different situations and we need the skills of self-managing our emotional state.
At the same time we need to be aware of other people’s emotions and to be able to tune into to how they are feeling or to what the atmosphere is in the culture we are working in e.g. if there are a lot of politics in a particular organisation. In relation to others our skills can be seen in the way we communicate our message, manage conflict and above all, in how we show up to inspire others with our presence.
Deborah shared a wide range of ideas and the group contributed thoughts and experiences. My favourite exercise was when we had the opportunity to imagine a future hypothetical personal dream had taken place. (Apparently this exercise is often used by hypnotherapists). I was inspired by a vision of the opening of a building, dedicated solely to ConsciousCafe where we could all meet up. I had a clear vision of what it would look like, how it would feel and how it would be used and I was able to communicate my enthusiasm and inspiration very easily to my partner. Now we just have to make it happen!
Many thanks once again to Deborah Henley for giving so generously of her time to present this event for us at ConsciousCafe. Deborah’s new website is under construction but you can find and follow her on @Deborahhenley
As I listen to news from around the world constantly filled with reports about people attacking others physically as well as verbally, it often seems surreal; even unbelievable. Open prejudice and violence, which causes injury and often death, are painful to witness for those of us who choose love over hate.
The majority of us – like myself - look on, horrified, from the sidelines, as events beyond our control make us feel powerless.
As a professional problem solver until recently, I found the powerlessness beyond frustrating because I couldn’t see a way for good to triumph over evil. I experienced huge relief when a feeling like a light went on in my head as I considered how different life on earth would be if we focus on that which is within our control. We should concentrate on mindfully loving more, hating less and doing random acts of kindness for each other because we can. Whilst that may seem a naïve concept, my attention remains with it. It made me wonder if the conscious ones amongst us could band together with love on the agenda, no matter what religion, and turn the tide on hate and fear.
I decided to discuss it with Judy Piatkus who several years ago set up a network, ConsciousCafe, which gives people the opportunity to engage in conscious conversations with likeminded others, to raise awareness of all that is meaningful in our lives.
Synchronistically, the very next day I received an invitation to a conference ConsciousCafe were holding in London on 27 November on the topic of Raising the Vibration of Love. It brought together leading-edge thinkers, opinion-makers, authors, therapists and respected senior executives to explore ways of reducing fear and increasing the expression of love in our lives with a common goal of making the world a better place. I bought a ticket in a heartbeat as it felt like a group I wanted to be part of.
The conference was opened by Elif Shafak, author of several non-fiction works and ‘mystical realism’ novels, whose bestseller Forty Rules of Love has sold a million copies and blew me away with joy when I first read it a few years ago. Elif highlighted the fact that knowledge and information are different from wisdom, which requires emotional intelligence. She emphasised that we should allow ourselves to be changed by love and that empathy is the key to positive change, promoting less violence.
On personal love Elif played with the idea that we may have unrealistic expectations that one person can fulfil all of our needs. Maybe validating our loved one for what he or she does bring to the relationship, and choosing wise friends to fulfil our other needs is the way forward for a successful loving relationship. Not surprisingly there were many questions after that which Elif responded to with great wisdom.
Elif’s thought-provoking words were followed by a panel discussion which focused on love in the workplace. Leading experts Oonagh Harpur, Norman Pickavance and Francis Briers, chaired by Judith Clegg reflected on how individuated many have become through technology. Yet through re-connectivity we can raise our consciousness and by doing so open ourselves up to empathy and learn more about meeting each other’s needs. The panel shared stories of initiatives connecting people worldwide and giving them a voice to generate ideas and collaborative action.
After a networking lunch I took part in a workshop facilitated by Dr Dina Glouberman on intimate relationships. Other people chose sessions about embodying love in everyday life or expressing love through art. These were followed by a World Café session where we moved from table to table, engaging with others at a very deep level as we considered how we could each and collectively raise the vibration of love in our own lives as well as in the world.
The day ended with a guided meditation from Tom Fortes Mayer accompanied by singing and music from Virginia Thorn who sounded like an angel.
I had arrived at the conference tired from a punishing week. I came away feeling energised and clear. I felt increased certainty about my own abilities and mindful of the positive outcomes resulting from likeminded group initiatives. I felt significantly increased optimism about the chance, if together we step up in the name of love, that we could ensure good will triumph over evil, enabling us to thrive together on our beautiful planet.
The power of the day was palpable. Apart from examining the power of raising the vibration of love, I made a number of connections with people I hope to collaborate with and learn from. I am already looking forward to my next encounter with ConsciousCafe.
Videos of Elif Shafak speaking at the ConsciousCafe Conference and of the business panel will be posted on Youtube and on the ConsciousCafe website shortly. Raising the Vibration of Love was ConsciousCafe’s first conference. www.consciouscafe.org
Following our very powerful September event facilitated by Claudia Roth of Soul Luxury, when we explored the new way of doing business which is learning to ‘allow’, Claudia has shared this blog with us:
My reality was shaken when I was in Auroville in the south of India last November! For many years (even decades) I created this special self-image called Claudia Roth, a successful global business leader who much enjoyed a career in luxury hospitality. I was very proud of my self-image which I curated with passion and careful attention.
Something profound happened!
No doubt you’ve heard people saying, ‘This is who I am and I won’t change!’ Leaders who maintain this position are unconsciously admitting they can’t see beyond their self-image.
To be fixated by self-image means to be non-creative and, in essence, limited to a defined set of often rigid thought processes and beliefs; this has consequences for all aspects of life.
Without realising it, many of us have created identities – or self-images – of ourselves.
Perhaps you have an image of yourself as important, as a successful businessperson, as ambitious and competent, or as someone who has all the answers. This sort of identity, built up over years, governs your view of the world more than you realise.
Jim Morrison – lead singer of The Doors – said: “We're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains.”
Holding onto this adopted identity is like wearing a professional mask; with it in place, either in business or in life, you are not allowing yourself to be truly authentic and importantly, you are limiting yourself to new awareness so as to evolve as a business leader and individual.
Is it possible to maintain a professional identity or self-image for years and not even be aware of it? Trust me, I speak from experience – I only realised that ‘the other’ persons were there (yes ... you read correctly .... we have not only one self image but several!) when I began to question why I thought and reacted in the ways that I did.
Indeed, it is only when we start exploring our genuine thoughts, reactions, emotions and ways of living that we can begin to live in the truest sense of ourselves. And if you have reaffirmed and energised a mask successfully for many years, it can be a painstaking process to dismantle it to discover who you really are!
So, why would you want to move beyond this learned identity – your cherished self-image – especially if it has been serving you well for many years as in my instance?
The more authentic you become, the more you step into your ‘space of greatness’. You no longer pretend to be somebody else, running on ‘patterns’ or be guided to uphold your self-images. Instead you connect to your inner wisdom, which then guides you throughout your life.
As you explore your self-image, you will start challenging certain beliefs and removing others that may be limiting you. You will find yourself wanting to know the world for what it actually is, rather than what you believe it to be. You will become curious again. Creativity and inspiration will flourish as a result, becoming assets both in your life and your business. Unimaginable opportunities are unfolding!
Embarking on this process isn’t easy. It won’t provide a quick fix to all of life’s challenges. But it is a powerful experience that will connect you to your truth and inner wisdom, where you will find contentment, joy and guidance, and your next level of personal and business success.
I will be returning to Auroville soon again .... The story continues.
1. Start off by naming the labels you give to yourself. For example, “I am a successful, highly in demand, creative and outspoken manager.” Write down your labels.
2. Identify the labels you wish to dissolve and make a commitment to move closer to your ideal life situation.
3. Create some time for reflection, to explore what lies behind the labels you identify.
4. Pay attention to the story you create when you look in the mirror: do you create a negative or a positive self-image, or an over-inflated self-image guided by ego?
5. Observe your opinions: what you say, how you say it, the likes and dislikes you use to reinforce your self-image. Do you judge fairly or based on pre-conceived ideas?
6. Explore how tied you are to your memories: whether good or bad, acting in response to memories can lead to inauthentic results, from irrational fears to rose-tinted actions.
7. Take time to assess how your story, opinions, actions and reactions would be if you created them anew based on what you actually see, think and feel.
Enjoy discovering yourself! Awareness creates choice.
A little about me: I am grateful to look back at a successful, global and hugely rewarding international career in the luxury hospitality & travel industry. I have learned what luxury is and what it is not. I understand service excellence, and I know what it is not! I have travelled the world in style and had many enjoyable moments of living a corporate career.
Having now moved on from corporate life, my network describes me as a global pioneer in luxury and consciousness. People are seeking increased meaning and connection – in their lives and the brands they align with. But whether an individual or a company, true connection can only come from within: from an exploration of awareness and an unwavering commitment to authenticity and integrity.
I am the founder and Managing Director of Soul Luxury, a company operating globally that helps businesses understand these evolutionary shifts and create their own new currency of connection within themselves and with their clients.
I write articles from time to time. There is no right or wrong, it is only a view. Up to now largely my silent view.
Claudia Roth
Copyright © 2016 Soul Luxury.
The US election is nearing its conclusion. Whatever happens now, November 2016 will be a landmark date in history. For the ugliness of this election has exposed the failure of the US democratic process in that two highly unsuitable and unpopular candidates have polarised views and torn the American nation apart.
During the next week many unprecedented events may happen and each time the whole world will be shaken up. The leadership of the American nation affects every single one of us.
It has taken me a while to realise that while I do not endorse either candidate, Donald Trump's significant role in this election and in the future of humanity has been to awaken millions of people all over the world to the failure of the democratic system. If he were not an outsider and the kind of person he has shown himself to be, he would never have had the thick skin to stand up to the vitriol directed at him (most of it of course, rightly) and would not have become this year's presidential candidate. Hillary has been supported throughout by the mainstream media. But it is Donald who pulls in the crowds because he is expressing what so many Americans feel - that their country and their media and their governmental structures are not working for them. For that reason millions of people are able to forgive his many character flaws because they have recognised that America needs to change and they only see Donald as offering that hopeful possibility to them.
We do not know what will happen during the next fortnight. Whatever the news may bring, it is important to stay centred and calm and not to give our energy over to fear or to anxiety. Instead we can choose to focus on a vision of love, kindness, tolerance, peace, joy and all the good things that every human being wants to have in their lives. We can focus on those things not just for ourselves but for everyone all over the world and especially all those who are struggling to survive and those who are living in war-torn nations.
Each time you find yourself giving way to a darker thoughts, remind yourself to focus on positive energy, rather than negative. Raise your energy as high as you can for that is the only way to create a better world for all of us. Whatever may happen during the next fortnight we need to focus on whatever comes to pass being in the best interests of all of humanity (even though we may not recognise it at the time) and we must set our intention and our hopes for that to be achieved.
I have been re-visiting my ideas about mindfulness in the last few days in preparation for an event which I am facilitating.
I first came across the term ‘mindfulness’ many years ago when I was sent an early copy of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book, Wherever You go, There You Are, with a view to my being the UK publisher for it. Jon Kabat-Zinn had taken ideas from ancient Buddhist practices and explored how to make them accessible to the mainstream. He believed that Western society had lost touch with the universal human qualities of paying attention and living with awareness.
This was 1994 and the thinking behind the book was all completely new to us at Piatkus. We had published books on meditation but this was so much more.
In the introduction the author explains that ‘wherever you go, there you are. Whatever you are thinking right now, that’s what’s on your mind.’ It looks at first like a simple observation but in fact it requires much practice and self-awareness to observe your thoughts in this way. The important question we must each ask ourselves is how best to respond to any given situation in which we find ourselves and the answer to that question lies in responding with your full awareness to whatever is going on for you right there in that moment.
Whatever has happened has already happened. The future is unknown. When we can truly learn to live in the present, to ‘be in touch with where we already are’, then we are in a situation where we have the most to gain for we can understand more of ‘the truth’ of what we are really experiencing and ideally respond with wisdom and heartfelt understanding.
I took the book to the editorial meeting and we were all keen to go ahead. But the ideas were so new at the time, that we thought we would need to change the title of the book or we would have difficulty in selling it into the bookshops (this was long before the days of amazon). Accordingly we retitled it Mindfulness Meditation for Everyday Life. We printed an initial edition of 3000 copies. The Daily Mail wrote a piece about it which resonated so profoundly that the book sold out within a week. It nevertheless took many years before it was taken up by psychotherapists as a tool to help their patients and subsequently the concept of mindfulness found its way into the NHS and after that became mainstream.
Now mindfulness has become an industry. People know that practising mindfulness is good for them but they are not sure why. It takes time to become mindful of who we are as individuals, how we respond to different situations in the way that we do, whether we are truly living our lives the way we want to, whether we are living from our hearts.
Mindfulness has been an extraordinary gift to the world. and the gifts it offers are available to each and every one one of us every day of our lives – as long as we are aware when we are truly ‘there’.
For those interested you can click here to purchase or review Jon Kabat - Zinn's book: Wherever You Go, There You Are.
ConsciousCafe celebrated its 5th birthday at the beginning of July with a lively party for 50 people. 6 of them had been at the original ConsciousCafe group launch in 2011.
Kenny and Judy jointly compered and introduced Viv Garbe who opened the party with a beautifully delivered meditation to bring peace to the world.
We then took 2 minutes to introduce ourselves to someone in the room whom we had never met before to ask the question ‘How did you become spiritual?’ This led to some beautiful stories and sharing moments.
In typical ConsciousCafe style everyone was then offered discussion options. Choices included ‘Where does Happiness come from?’ or ‘Who are you?’ and for those who felt like something more lighthearted, you could choose a miscellaneous card with a provocative question on it and explore that in groups.
It was a bright summers evening and light seemed to stream through the windows and fill the room. We shared another short meditation and a moving closing circle, taking time to celebrate everyone connecting for this lovely anniversary. The moment was captured with a group photo and we all sang 'Happy Birthday'.
By then we were all starving and enjoyed supper, more conversation and birthday cake.
It was truly a special evening, beautifully captured with many excellent photos by Jon, which you can find on our Facebook page, here.
Illuminating the ShadowDavid Furlong’s latest book, Illuminating the Shadow, is a wonderful, erudite account of the human psyche, particularly in its wounded and hidden aspects. First we are introduced to the concept of the Shadow in films, literature, myth, metaphor and Fairy Tales, before learning how it manifests at a personal, public and collective level. Finally, we are taught how to learn from and integrate this aspect of ourselves, and of the human condition.Illuminating the Shadowis full of practical insights drawn from Furlong’s work as a therapist, with exercises to help the reader explore and make peace with him or herself. It is the sort of book that deserves more than one reading; that asks to be borrowed and lent so that the wisdom contained within can be shared as widely as possible.
Dr Fiona Bowie, King’s College London & the Afterlife Research Centre
author of the best selling Anthropology of Religion (Blackwell)
****
Illuminating the Shadow explores a rich breadth of academic knowledge and everyday life experience with great depth and wisdom. Scholarly exposition of shadow through history, the arts and sciences provides far-reaching insights for human nature and global society. Story, myth and metaphor show how we express and try to understand our own complexity, divine mystery and the struggle between good and evil at personal and collective levels. And bringing dark psyche into the light shows shadow in relief, not to be eliminated but illuminated since, in its vital integrative function, it is both teacher and healer. Therapeutic examples and exercises in shadow work demonstrate the journey into light and compassionate love, with free will continuously informed by evolving consciousness, that points us towards full relationship with the living human God, and with our selves and each other. For the advancement of mental and spiritual health, this eminently practical book deserves a wide readership.
Dr David McDonald, Consultant Psychiatrist and Advisor in the Church of England’s Healing Ministry
To purchase from Amazon, click below:
The indoors Wormwood Scrubs Pony Centre was built as part of Anneka Rice’s Challenge programme in the ‘80s and does incredibly important work to improve the lives of disabled people. 40 of us arrived there on a warm light summer evening, excited as to what we might learn and some of us a little apprehensive having never worked alongside horses before.
How do we Lead in a time of Uncertainty
Jude explained that we can learn a lot about leadership from horses because they have no agenda. Working with horses is working with uncertainty and as all leaders must work with uncertainty, the horses mirror how each of us leads in situations and times of uncertainty.
Four volunteers chose to work with two beautiful horses and each of them took a turn leading one of the horses around the arena while the audience observed closely their leadership style. Leading a horse can be difficult for no one knows how the horses will respond. Each volunteer revealed how the experience had felt for them and what they had learned.
What Part do We Play in the Team?
Jude and Emma then invited all the participants into the arena with the horses and gave each of us the opportunity to explore how we lead – from the front, from the side or from behind. They presented new ways of thinking about our position in the team and gave us the opportunity to experience how this felt as we all took part in a simple group exercise.
In a final task, all those who particularly wanted to work with the horses stayed in the arena and completed an activity which involved working in teams and leading the horses through an obstacle course. As I watched this final exercise from the audience stand, I felt a lump come into my throat. People who had never met before had worked beautifully as a team with two very wise animals to move in seamless flow and harmony. I thought that the exercise also reflected the energy of people who come to ConsciousCafe, trusting, present, intuitive, thoughtful, caring.
At the end of the session everyone had the opportunity to be with the horses in the arena and to share in groups what they had experienced and what they had learned about their own leadership style and capabilities. Everyone departed the event with new knowledge about themselves, learned in the most memorable and unique way.
Huge thanks to Jude and Emma for giving their time and for sharing their expertise. If you want to learn more, you can read Jude’s book Leadership Beyond Measure, details of which are on the books page at ConsciousCafe. Emma told us the remarkable story of the Pony centre and if you would like to volunteer there, you can learn more here.
Judy
ConsciousCafe Founder
Street Wisdom is the brainchild of David Pearl who believes that many of the answers to questions and problems that challenge us in our lives can be found in the streets around us, if we would only take the time to look.
We divided into three groups and each of us went to a different part of Camden Market. It was still fairly quiet, early in the morning and easy to absorb all the amazing sights and sounds as the many stallholders set out their wares and the food vendors prepared their meals. Each facilitator sent their group members on four ten-minute short walks with a specific issue to observe and think about during that time. These exercises put us in an altered state in that we all became very relaxed. Then we were left with time to wander round the market and observe what answers to our questions would come up for us.
After 50 minutes or so we all met in a nearby bar and again, in our groups, shared our experiences.
The answer to my own question had come very fast and kept being reinforced as I wandered round the market. One woman had a question regarding her relationship and she spotted a sign that made it very clear that the decision she wanted to make was the right one. Another participant was clarifying ideas about where to live and the Street Wisdom Experience opened her mind to new possibilities. Everyone in all the groups had gained from the wisdom of the streets.
Many years ago I read Living Magically by Gill Edwards, her first book, which introduced me to the concept of metaphysics and how helpful signs are all around us if we allow ourselves to be sufficiently aware to take the time to see. Street Wisdom also works in the same way reminding us that our knowingness operates on so many different levels. I like the idea that I could repeat my Street Wisdom experience any time I want to when I have another important question that needs an answer.
ConsciousCafe will be happy to offer another Street Wisdom experience in due course if anyone was unable to take part in this one. Just let us know at judy@consciouscafe.co.org and when we have enough people we will set it up.
Meanwhile, to find out more here is David Pearl, who founded Street Wisdom and was one of our facilitators, talking about it in a TED speech
JP
May 2016
Since then ConsciousCafe has run more than 75 discussion groups and workshops and a retreat as well. A few hundred people have attended our events – all of them hearing about what ConsciousCafe offers by word-of-mouth as we have only begun to advertise our events publicly in the last few months.
Our passion is for community, connection and exploration – all in an atmosphere of lightheartedness. We have never taken ourselves too seriously. As a result, many wonderful friendships have been formed and fabulous connections made.
As one member has said ‘its so good to walk into a room and meet so many people who immediately understand where you are coming from and what you are saying’.
Now we are spreading our wings. We invite you to join us on this journey as all of us contribute what we can to creating a better world by raising consciousness about who we are and how we live, one conversation at a time.
We have some fabulous events lined up for the next few months and more will be added very soon. Book now and take advantage of our Earlybird discounts. Last year we had three events which sold out completely and while we usually have space at the last moment, some of the venues we use are strict about numbers.
Thank you to everyone who has been on the journey so far and especially to all our Supporters who come to our events and who have contributed financially to help us build this site and to the ConsciousCafe volunteer group who offer so much of their time to helping build the network. Last but not least massive thanks are due to Gary of Studio74 Creative Design for being so easy to work with, Kate Cowan of Fox Brand Marketing for her constant inspiration and to Joyce Deen who works tirelessly behind the scenes keeping the show on the road. We love all of you and we look forward to seeing you at ConsciousCafe soon.
Judy
ConsciousCafe Founder
Sara Troy of Positive Living interviews our own Judy Piatkus about ConsciousCafe, how it started and where it's going, Judy's worldview and also a segment on self-publishing versus traditional publishing towards the end. (more…)
Does the word conscious make you switch on or turn off?
Last night I went to an interactive discussion around Conscious Leadership with a group of 30 other people who were invited through ConsciousCafe, a select group run by entrepreneur, motivational speaker and founder of publishing company Piatkus Books, Judy Piatkus. For some time now, Judy has been keen to explore the group's thoughts, feelings and bias towards the use of the term 'conscious leader'.
What I particularly liked about the evening was that the facilitator Judy had (well) chosen, Charlie Efford, didn’t at any point seek to influence or tell us what he thought conscious leadership actually meant, which to me was a good example of conscious leadership in action. (more…)
ConsciousCafe is a not-for-profit organisation, a friendly and welcoming community, a place to live life consciously.
Our discussion group in Geneva is led by Debbie King, former Chief Probation Officer and Counsellor.