Having read about Awe walks I was excited to go for a ConsciousCafe walk with the aim of experiencing awe and wonder and sharing the experience with others.  As the day approached, the weather forecast looked bad  but I was determined to go ahead with it. We were so blessed that we had a wonderful two-hour window of lovely weather and the rain only started when we reached the cars!

The walk was glorious and as we looked at the trees we reflected on their strength and resilience through the seasons . We felt that nature imparted to us feelings of joy and hope just as we stood there. This will probably be the last chance to see the bluebells as they are now gradually fading but still it is magical to see so much blue in the woods. I would strongly encourage everyone to try walking outside and experiencing awe at the beauty of nature wherever you are . Research has proved that this is good for your health and mental well-being.

Cora Kemball-Cook, Canterbury Consciouscafe

By Marianne Hartley, Leader of ConsciousCafe Basel.

Hosting the first ConsciousCafe Basel was such a joy! We came together with open minds and hearts, sharing a little about ourselves and creating new connections.

We were a very international group. Two of us were in Basel. Three people were in the UK, one person in France and another in Norway.

Acknowledging Ourselves

The theme of our first meeting was 'Acknowledging Ourselves'. We asked what has changed in the past months for us and the world around us? The things we discussed included:

- What have we learned? What have we missed? What have we let go of?

- What have we cherished and been grateful for?

Being able to connect with like-minded people in different countries and sharing what is in our hearts and what is on our mind really is a beautiful gift of our times.

We looked at what these past months had taught us, the challenges we went through, the things we missed, lost, let go of, what we were grateful for and the unexpected gifts we received along the way.

Decluttering our lives

A lot of de-cluttering took place, of wardrobes and email lists. There was more appreciation of our time and the realisation that we need very little to live a happy life. There was more conscious buying and counting our blessings and being grateful for things we may have taken for granted before. Acknowledging how privileged we were and the responsibility that comes with this in making a positive and constructive difference with our time and resources.

It was a beautiful, open hearted evening of conscious conversations and seeds of new international friendships being sown. I can’t wait to host the next event on 29^th October 2020. Find out more on our Basel Group page.

I hope to see you there!

With love, Marianne

Earlier in the year Nick Haines of the Five Institute explained why the Chinese Year of the Rat would likely mean a return of the COVID-19 virus this autumn.  With the headlines filled with news of a second wave, now is an opportune time to enjoy his ConsciousCafe Global video recording. Click the video below to watch this fascinating event.

More about This Event

This event, presented by ConsciousCafe Global featuring Nicholas Haines is designed to be a practical guide to understanding, navigating and rising up within these strange times; building a future we can be proud of.

We're currently sitting in a moment of time that is unprecedented in the history of humanity; six critical cycles have coincided to create the Perfect Storm and a Golden Opportunity for you and the world.

In this event, Nicholas unpacks and explores what has brought together this Perfect Storm and share why this is a massive opportunity for humanity.

The session will is practical, enlightening and will help you support yourself and those around you. What you learn will help you to navigate these challenging times. It is well documented how stress and fear can cause great harm. Nick will also share how you can support your immune system by reducing the stress and uncertainty you may be experiencing right now. 

Nick says: “I believe you have been born into this time because you have a role to play in the future of humanity. But all that starts with a deeper understanding of what is really going on."

About Nicholas Haines

Nicholas Haines is the creator of The Vitality Test, as well as an international speaker, author, strategist and teacher in Chinese energetics. Through his work at the Five Institute, Nicholas has been engaged by a diverse range of companies, individuals and organisations from leadership teams at large corporations through to NHS hospitals, educational institutes and international governments to address issues around relationships, cultures, communication, diversity, empowerment and kindness.  

You'll also find him passionately sharing the wisdom of the Five Energies and how they apply in our everyday life and relationships within various books, programs, courses, webinars and live events.

For others to see that you have lived well, yes there may be outward achievements and accomplishments that make you shine, but more often than not people’s memories will be about YOU as a person .. who you were as a friend, a neighbour, a parent .. your ability to listen, to enjoy life and to spread joy.

As much as we are impressed and appreciative of tireless effort, particularly for community and making a difference in the world, it would be sad simply to be remembered as a hard worker and a go-getter. So the discussion we had at our Conscious Cafe Skipton evening in December about looking at whether our lives are being well-lived, called us into a self reflective enquiry. Questions about who we are, how we have become the person we are and how/what we feel about that, were more revealing than what we had actually done in our lives.

Not everyone is a naturally optimistic thinker, especially when to comes to opinions of themselves. It can be easy to hide behind a positive demeanour and still have a web of self doubt inside. The questions we discussed during our evening brought up many different issues for people: while some were at peace and reconciled with life now and who they were, others held threads of guilt, shame or regret that they are living a life of their choice but one which is at odds with their family’s or other’s expectations. It seems to take great personal strength, and pain, to create a life for oneself that is not necessarily one that others would like us to have.

The inspiration for this evening’s topic came from Community member Richard Hayes who recently attended the funeral of an uncle, aged 103. That in itself is something to celebrate but Richard also noted that his uncle’s life had been judged to be one that was “well-lived”. When his wife died, after 76 years of marriage, his uncle had set out to reinvent himself in his twilight years, skydiving at age 100 and even holding a world age record for a tandem sky dive at age 101. Being inspiring is a massive contribution to others. When we hear of anybody grabbing life with both hands, each day, it can set off a thought in us .. wow .. maybe I could do that. It’s amazing how other’s courage, energy and joy can give us permission to embrace the same .. in our own way.

For this discussion evening, the community went through a series with self-reflective questions with partners. Conscious Cafe December 2019 Questions. You might find it stimulating. From the sharing these insights were forthcoming. I hope you find this interesting and helpful in your own self enquiry about living your life well.

20 key Insights from our enquiry:

• Take time to reflect: this valuable gift to ourselves really supports us in moving forward. Lifting your nose off the grind stone for a moment … or simply pausing and asking yourself a question can be quite alien to some folks. This pushing the PAUSE button might be a normal part of your routine but it is worthwhile building it in. This reflection time can feed us in some many ways. It may draw your attention more keenly to what is not working or it might affirm that “Yes .. I am on the right track.”

• The Full Stop: a good technique is to take a few minutes each day to feel a sense of completeness. What did I do today? What had been left undone .. to be continued another time? The most important thing is to feel complete with whatever happened and to celebrate everything that occurred. Do not berate yourself for that which has been left undone. Simply acknowledge it. It is OK to let it go, breath it out and frame the day as being good, it is what it is. Put a full stop at the end of the day so that you let go of potential regrets before they have time to build up.

• Praise Yourself: OK so you did three things on your list and there are still 14. The list was too long or the time allocated too short to complete them. Be grateful for what you did do and if you say “Well done” out loud to yourself your brain hears the praise, almost the same as if somebody else said it to you. Everybody needs praise. It keeps us engaged in the game and helps us thrive.

• The Ladder of Success: Was your life one of climbing, of trying to do better and ascending some kind of organisation or system? Maybe you did make it to the top? Hopefully you will have some sense of satisfaction for having done that .. some Cafe folks reflected on this and felt that they had climbed the ladder successfully, only to find that it was propped up against the wrong wall. That’s an interesting perspective to have on one’s life .. looking back and wondering where your original motivations and choices came from. Yourself.. your parents .. your peer group?

• Nothing is ever wasted: the longer you live, and the longer view you have on your life looking back over many decades instead of just one, the more you realise that there was always some benefit from what happened. Yes that ladder may have been on the wrong wall but perhaps from that height you were able to step-change somewhere else. Most people who reflect on their ‘mistakes’ and seemingly ‘poor’ choices acknowledge that they did the best they could .. at the time …. and at the end of the day, they are who they are now because of those choices. If you unpick your history it would not necessarily reconfigure and allow you to be who you are right now.

• Perfectionism is a killer: If you set yourself up for not moving forward unless everything is perfect you have set yourself up for a life of procrastination and stress. I know all about trying to make things perfect and have now taken on a new mantra .. “It’s good enough”. It will do. It will get you started …. don’t let ideas of making things perfect get in the way of taking on a new challenge.

• Setting the bar high enough: is it better to set the bar quite high, then perhaps feel some disappointment if you have not managed to get where you wanted .. or to set the bar low and get there (relatively easily), but feel “maybe I could have pushed myself more?” I think we would concur that aiming as high as possible is the healthiest approach .. we just need the right encouragement and support to “Go for it!”. Grab life with both hands and see where it takes you and be happy with where you get.. then set the bar again!

• Motivation is key: why are you doing what you are doing, or did? Some reasons can include “I’ll show them!” … moving forward in life out of pain, spite or fear is never a winning formula, at least for your mental health. It might be a good driver for achievement but at some point, there is usually a realisation and course correction. It’s always better to want something for yourself, or at least an inspiring vision for the world that has you entwined with it.

• Are you a black sheep?: quite a few Cafe attendees raised their hands for being a Black Sheep in their family. It’s an interesting identity to have …. been an outlier or outsider… a rule breaker. Quite a few of us who would identify with being curious about life, seeking answers, reaching out to others for deeper conversation, we are also perhaps those who look at what is considered ‘normal’ in society and feel “that’s not me.” Like those questers in the Close Encounters movie, answering the siren call of the alien ship … it can take us away from the “normal path” of family expectation just by wanting to follow our hearts and do what is right for us. This decision to be authentic takes huge courage. Then we find other black sheep along the way and we think … “I’m not alone!”

• Forget the Sandwich technique: most of us know about this. Give someone the good news and praise first, slip in the negative critique filler next and follow it up with another slice of praise. Modern neuroscience tells us this is rubbish. Once your brain has taken in the initial criticism that is all it can think about and it is no longer listening receptively to anything spoken after that. It’s true isn’t it … we can have a tendency to hear something off and can let it take priority over the many things that are good. If you find yourself churning over negativity and having difficulty accepting the positive, do a deliberate mental shift and switch to thinking positively and productively. It will give a massive boost to your mental health. In the absence of anyone else doing it, patting yourself on the back, does you a world of good.

• Appreciative Inquiry (AI) has power: there is a well researched communication style that shows we respond better to the positive. For every negative input, we actually need five times the positive input. The norm in society is probably to get five negative things off your chest (gosh that feels better!) then throw in a positive comment at the end for good measure. If you really understand the power of AI, then you will indeed start shifting into positive dialogue.
  Make space for yourself: it has already been said that taking time is important but also note that you need physical space. Note that as you grow as a person and your life changes, sometime this does mean that you need more physical space. Not just for “stuff” but simply to be. Growing and evolving can mean that you develop a sense of needing to move to another home or location where you can feel more expanded.

• Making a fresh start: you can give yourself a big reboot by deciding to make a fresh start .. for many in the Cafe community that has meant moving house and/or moving location. Quite a few Cafe folks are relatively new in Skipton having relocated here for a fresh start in later life. Britain’s Happiest Town (2017) is drawing us in seemingly. It’s a brave thing to do and it affirms a strong survival instinct and desire to move onward and upward.

• Back to basics: its never too late at any age of life stage, to start again .. roll up your sleeve and go back to basics. See life through fresh eyes … add in the joy that was missing before .. whatever it takes, every day we are creating our lives as we choose.

• Each day is a new start: as much as you can reboot your life and approach a new year with a new goal and fresh energy, you can actually do that any day that you wake up. I once heard an elderly person say .. “Any day above ground is a good day!”

• The need to stretch ourselves: if you pause and look at where you are in life .. if for some reason you feel you are languishing or parked up in one of life’s lay-bys .. it’s OK to set a new goal and stretch yourself a bit more. The next goal does not have to be huge but you can always decide to raise the bar for yourself… again.

• Gratitude is a fuel: one way you can nourish yourself is to switch to being grateful. Gratitude is a very under-rated source of energy, you can switch how you feel in a heartbeat if you shift your focus from problems to .. “what have I got that I can be grateful for?”

• Permission: this is something can simply give yourself … permission to do something, to feel a certain way, to change your focus .. again, it’s another powerful tool to redirect your mindset in a more positive way.
  Let go of self-criticism: instead, be in the enquiry for how you can see something differently. Ask yourself new (and good quality) questions, make new choices, look for different perspectives. Hold the assumptions that you are OK .. you are simply, like everybody else, a work-in-progress moving through life as best you can. Why treat yourself less kindly that you would another person? It does not make sense.

• What people think about you: this is their own business. You can never determine why people have the opinion’s they have, even what hurt or expectation they may be operating from. For sure you might be in a position to ask, if this feels right .. BUT .. you cannot stop people having an opinion. Not worrying about it is will give you a sense of freedom. This in no way means that you do not care for others. Stay true to you, operate from the best of intentions … it’s all you can do. It’s the best you can do.
  And finally …

• Golden January: this first month of the year is a perfect time to space for yourself. Technically it is the first month in a new year but in reality, no new energy comes in for the next cycle until the end of the month, around Chinese New year time (the Chinese are on the ball there) or February 4th which is a fixed for the feng shui new year starting.That is when we feel new energy coming in to help lift us through the next year. So January is actually the tail end of the last year and I usually take the whole month to complete the previous year and reflect on the future. New year’s Ice itself is too short a time to do this .. take a whole month to prioritise for yourself.

• The Power of Joy: being happy, joyful and bright is such an incredible contribution to the world. Whilst we might be tempted to believe that our actions are the currency the world needs, it’s our ability to be happy, cheerful, positive and engaged that touches the hearts of others. And it’s this heart to heart connection that is the most valuable gift we can give the world. That is what living well is all about.. being joyful and inspiring to others.

There’s a movie starring Shirley MacLaine called The Last Word. It did not get particularly good reviews or ratings but the premise was amusing. Control freak Shirley wanted to oversee the writing of her own obituary so she got the local paper obituary writer to do this. Unfortunately, nobody had a good word to say about Shirley (it’s a Hollywood story!) so Shirley set out to do the good that would get her a decent write-up… and there’s your story of redemption. It’s food for thought and I found it amusing.

Gina x
ConsciousCafe Skipton host

Conscious Cafe London hosted what can only be described as a brilliant evening with Christa Mackinnon, psychologist and shamanic teacher. After a networking drinks event, Christa presented a fascinating overview of the 'Power of Altered States of Consciousness'. Christa said that we are all so busy that it does not allow us the space and time to be as creative as we are capable of. We became aware of how frequently we have the opportunity to go into a different internally focused space and how innovative we can be in that space.

There was also a lot of discussion about ayahuasca and the power of plants, how they affect us and how we might use them to improve the lives of those who could benefit from their healing properties.

Afterwards we packed into a local restaurant for more conversation. It was a very memorable evening. Thanks to everyone who came.

This post is written by Judy Piatkus, founder of ConsciousCafe and leader of ConsciousCafe London. Follow the London group page to stay up to date with upcoming events!

Living in this day and age I’m finding myself increasingly interested in ways of becoming more self aware and of experiencing life in greater technicolour. In Conscious Cafe I have found a community with similar interests and get to reap the benefits of learning and growing with likeminded people from all walks of life. It’s quite insightful to learn how the qualities of a mindful approach can play out in publishing, luxury hotels, supermarkets, branding, coaching…The list is endless.

John Danias

May we thank John for permission to share his recent article, posted on LinkedIn here.

Over the last 7 years, through ups, down, fears and joys, through the rollercoaster called "Life", I’ve been really drawn to mindfulness.

"Mindfulness", "meditation", "self-awareness": these are relatively unusual terms and consequently can have different meanings and associations for each person.

For me mindfulness simply means intentionally bringing some curiosity to the experience in hand.  This can be a work meeting, family banter, a boxing fight or a walk in the park. By attending more clearly to what is happening, bringing some awareness to the thoughts, emotions and body sensations playing out moment by moment, it is possible to gain a better understanding of how this "John Danias" experiences life and consequently take wiser actions.

 So, it’s about improving my confidence at work, interaction with my kid, reflexes when sparring, in fact anything that I am working on.

At work

During meetings I notice the acute desire to get my point across generates some anxiety and clouds the mind.  And I have no doubt that my nervousness, however subtle, gets communicated to some degree.  Using some specific observation-based techniques I can notice the process playing about (‘metacognition’ in scientific terms): mild tension on my shoulders just by the neck, slight straining in the eyes, shallow breathing and a charged internal dialogue questioning if it’s the right time to interject.  Recognising these signs, I initiate a subtle breathing exercise whilst continuing to attend to the meeting.  And gradually the possibility opens up for the tension to dissipate, the meeting being experienced with greater clarity, the point being put across with greater refinement and when not speaking, to just sit back and watch the show.

Clear, assertive communication, free from overthinking and second-guessing, is something I need to cultivate.  The science of neuroplasticity adheres to the ability of training the mind through repetition. Consequently, every skilful communication, irrespective of the context, can improve my communication at work.  Then why not practice at the grocer’s too? Why not with my family?

With family

I’m going back home feeling a bit down. When I tell my wife how I feel my instinctive reaction will be to highlight that it’s not a problem and reassure her. This time I will try an experiment. I will put aside my overthinking and will simply state it clearly and with presence. I will not quantify the ‘low’, and I will not add the habitual “but it will be okay”. Let’s see.

“I’m feeling low”.

The response is amazing: acceptance and support.  So nice to feel supported, so reassuring.  We’ve empowered each other through vulnerability – I will remember this lesson.

Why am I writing this article?

There is an incredible wealth of interesting techniques to cultivate a more mindful state.  Whilst I have explored a multitude, I have only touched the surface. They are becoming increasingly sophisticated and can be tailored to our aims, lifestyle and personalities.  Surgically precise meditation exercises can improve our faculty of attention and response. A technique called 'Wim Hof Method*' can enable us to voluntarily activate the autonomic nervous system.

Each one of us will embrace 'mind training**' at some point.  Now, in a year, in ten? I wonder...

I love talking about mindfulness. I love communicating what I’m learning from this practice and exchanging ideas. Every communication is my nourishment.  When you’re interested, when you’re ready, please get in touch.  Let’s help each other to grow.

* Link to scientific article here.

** Mind is defined as ‘the faculty of consciousness and thought’.