Little did I know that an invitation to learn about re-wiring your brain and giving your flagging willpower a boost would resonate with so many people. Almost 60 of us attended our Conscious Cafe Skipton gathering in November to listen to local Psychotherapist John Taylor talk us through how our brains actually work. That’s the largest gathering we have ever had and shows the increasing desire people have, not only to connect and share in community, which is the core idea of Conscious Cafe, but also to learn more about what makes us tick (or stops us from ticking the way we want to!)
When I asked folks to share what had called them to this particular conversation, these were the issues named that people commonly live with and would like to resolve:
Our event was held on the first day of International Stress Awareness Week – a perfect opportunity to examine what it is that causes us stress .. and what to do about it. In addition to the anxiety list, people also expressed a desire simply to express themselves to others; gain further clarity on what they could do to support their own wellbeing; learn some more self-help tools and satisfy their curiosity on the understanding their brain.
Here are ten insights from our Conscious Cafe evening exploration:
John shared something we have all experience with: we say YES to something, like agreeing to speak at a public event, then immediately afterwards we are filled with dread because we are now overwhelmed with fear ... and yet we know, deep-down, that we do actually want to do that thing!
That was a conundrum that troubled John Taylor and his curiosity and desire to overcome said fear, led him to train in hypnotherapy and psychotherapy. He was particularly drawn to BWRT, BrainWorking Recursive Therapy, a new form of psychotherapy that uses the latest findings in neuroscience and is proving very helpful for changing behaviours and habits. successfully resolving many cases of PTSD, panic and anxiety as well as anxiety and phobias. We can be amazed at what makes us fearful but what is even more amazing is that we can actually overcome this.
What underpins so many of the issues that we have as humans is the trio called Needs, Belief and Conflict. And the conflict usually arises when a need comes up against a belief. Our needs start with a sensation. The absence of something or the desire to get rid of something is experienced as a feeling. When we don’t have what we need (e.g. drinking water when thirsty) the body will get stressed. Equally, we can feel stressed if we have an unwanted experience (like anxiety) so we are triggered to get rid of the unwanted feeling, and relieve it. But sometimes, something stops us from taking care of our needs.
Problems start when our needs are not fulfilled. There can be many reasons for this. Environmental factors play a part and these can mean we are not able to access the resources we need or perhaps we have a lack of knowledge for what might be available. One key aspect is that we don’t always recognise what our needs are, particularly our emotional ones may not be so obvious. We have never been taught to think of ourselves as having a range of needs and how to truly recognise when they show up. Finally our own brain software, made up of our beliefs, can get in the way of us getting that we want.
These come from an accumulation of our learned behaviour. Listen in to the voice in your head – that is a clue to what you believe. “I don’t believe I am worth it." That thought is going to create a major conflict with one of your needs. Losing touch with our needs can go back to childhood when we heard family instructions like “You should be seen and not heard” or “Eat everything on your plate." Maybe you simply do things where there is no rational and obvious reason but they are traditions passed down through your ancestry when you learn how to do things … the way your family always does things. Superstitions can be passed down through generations and simply become part of our core beliefs, beliefs that others may not share. Other than our parents, beliefs can be instilled in us from school education, our peer group and the powerful influence of advertising.
Belief has nothing to do with fact. Because whatever you believe is based on your own imagination. We can believe something will happen tomorrow, because that’s the way it’s always been before. It is not just a belief in an outcome of something, it’s our self-belief as well that has power over us. Our self-belief of who we are, what we’re capable of (or incapable of) and what we can/can’t do, what would happen if we did try to do something or not try to do something. Our beliefs can be rigid and they fundamentally shape who we are. If we feel we have to suppress part of ourselves through some kind of external pressure, and that then means we are not able to meet our needs, our body can react to this suppression with anger, anxiety, chronic illness.
The thinking, rational conscious brain that pays attention, helps us makes decisions and is responsible for willpower … this gives us a feeling of control. But in fact, it is not in control. There is another part of the brain, the subconscious. This is the part that never sleeps. When a threat happens the subconscious brain will cause us to very quickly take action ... to protect us. That happens before our conscious part is even aware. And working to support us, it always tries to act on our beliefs, as well as our needs. Sometimes there is conflict between what you really want to do and what you feel your should do. This is the nub of it! When a belief and a need are at opposite ends of a spectrum, you can’t act on both. So this is where you end up doing nothing .. good old procrastination! It can also lead to perfectionism. This does not make us perfect, it simply stops us from doing something in case we are embarrassed. It saves face!
“Cells that fire together wire together” is a key function in the brain and a foundation of the research and work of BWRT. Like a Pavlov dog, that has become wired to salivate for food ... we can continue to respond in a certain way after a strong initial reaction becomes wired into the brain. We form these neural pathways inside our brains which are links between the nerve cells inside our brains that fire off at the same time. And in just a third of a second, our brain starts to take action before we are consciously aware of what is going on. Research has shown that before a decision is made to take action, there is already neural activity inside the brain. All this can be good for us unless it causes a negative emotional response.
Failure of willpower is where we are working with the conscious brain, unaware of the role that the unconscious has over us. It’s hard to make a decision NOT to do something when your system is activated to move forward programmed by your subconscious, which is simply acting in your interest, driven by your beliefs. Sometimes you are fighting against your survival instincts.
So telling your brain to do something else instead is going to meet with resistance. Of course, you can make change because the more you do anything differently, the more successful you’ll be and the easier it will be. The best approach in BWRT is to stop the trigger in the first place rather than working on trying to resist.
Getting rid of anxiety is not done by trying to think of something else, it involves activating the anxiety because that in itself has energy as it is a neural pathway. Once activated it is immediately frozen to stop progressing. At this moment you can’t do two things at once ... you can’t stop anxiety and have it grow at the same time. By freezing it, your brain is called into a “wait state” and it is waiting for the next bit of information. This is when you break your automatic response pattern, it’s called a pattern interrupt. Strangely, your brain is highly likely to accept whatever new instruction we give it next. You decide the new action you want to replace the old habit reaction. With repetition (this is the recursive element in BWRT) this new action actually sticks.
This therapy overcomes the need for forcing change through willpower, it does not require long discussions about what is going on .. you simply want to know what new behaviour you would like instead. These techniques come from the newest brain science and neuro plasticity which means that all things can change with every second of every single day. Previously we thought that the brain at age 30 was pretty much shaped for life. Now we know that’s not true. This is a new area of research and overturns a lot of what we previously understood about the fixed nature of the brain.
John Taylor handed out a sheet of tools and tips with a Human Needs exercise. He is also very generously offered all attendees a personal and individual follow-up conversation during the next couple of months. He can be contacted on email and phone 01756 761604. Check out his website.
The bottom line is: our brain has an unlimited capacity to rewire and reorganise itself so all those old annoying destructive habits that we have got used to and suffer … they can all be changed. It sounds like a good idea to get specialist help with some of this but real breakthroughs are possible. It is helpful to study further and understand more about the enormous hidden powers that our brains have. The idea that our head is full of grey matter does not accurately reflect the powerful engine that controls every decision we make. Seemingly, anything is possible.
Gina
ConsciousCafe Skipton Host
Since then ConsciousCafe has run more than 75 discussion groups and workshops and a retreat as well. A few hundred people have attended our events – all of them hearing about what ConsciousCafe offers by word-of-mouth as we have only begun to advertise our events publicly in the last few months.
Our passion is for community, connection and exploration – all in an atmosphere of lightheartedness. We have never taken ourselves too seriously. As a result, many wonderful friendships have been formed and fabulous connections made.
As one member has said ‘its so good to walk into a room and meet so many people who immediately understand where you are coming from and what you are saying’.
Now we are spreading our wings. We invite you to join us on this journey as all of us contribute what we can to creating a better world by raising consciousness about who we are and how we live, one conversation at a time.
We have some fabulous events lined up for the next few months and more will be added very soon. Book now and take advantage of our Earlybird discounts. Last year we had three events which sold out completely and while we usually have space at the last moment, some of the venues we use are strict about numbers.
Thank you to everyone who has been on the journey so far and especially to all our Supporters who come to our events and who have contributed financially to help us build this site and to the ConsciousCafe volunteer group who offer so much of their time to helping build the network. Last but not least massive thanks are due to Gary of Studio74 Creative Design for being so easy to work with, Kate Cowan of Fox Brand Marketing for her constant inspiration and to Joyce Deen who works tirelessly behind the scenes keeping the show on the road. We love all of you and we look forward to seeing you at ConsciousCafe soon.
Judy
ConsciousCafe Founder
Sara Troy of Positive Living interviews our own Judy Piatkus about ConsciousCafe, how it started and where it's going, Judy's worldview and also a segment on self-publishing versus traditional publishing towards the end. (more…)
Does the word conscious make you switch on or turn off?
Last night I went to an interactive discussion around Conscious Leadership with a group of 30 other people who were invited through ConsciousCafe, a select group run by entrepreneur, motivational speaker and founder of publishing company Piatkus Books, Judy Piatkus. For some time now, Judy has been keen to explore the group's thoughts, feelings and bias towards the use of the term 'conscious leader'.
What I particularly liked about the evening was that the facilitator Judy had (well) chosen, Charlie Efford, didn’t at any point seek to influence or tell us what he thought conscious leadership actually meant, which to me was a good example of conscious leadership in action. (more…)
By Joseph Jaworski, with an introduction by Peter Senge.
This is a book that has been mentioned to me, on many occasions, by close friends and colleagues. And for years, I believed that “I didn’t need to read it”. I was so wrong. A copy of it happened to be on one of my friend’s shelves during a brief visit to Holland this summer. I picked it up and browsed through it. A number of words immediately caught my eye – one of those was “dialogue”, as Jaworski had the immense privilege of meeting and chatting with the physicist, David Bohm, one afternoon in London and I am particularly interested in ‘dialogue’. Almost immediately I found myself reading large sections of it. I bought a copy on my return home and now consider it to be one of the best books I have ever read about surrendering to life and learning to respond to what it needs from us, rather than egoistically believing that we can plan, control and manipulate it to our advantage.
The charm of Jaworski’s story is that it is his own, personal story. He was a successful North American lawyer from a famous family of lawyers, and the promise of a successful life ahead of him - until the day his wife suddenly asked him for a divorce. He was in his early 40’s. His world crashed around him and he was faced with having to construct a new one. Within that process, he found himself again, and re-discovered ways to connect with his intuition and the natural flow of life.
Many good things happened to him personally and professionally from then on.
His life is particularly interesting if you are interested in the subject of leadership. As a result of a series of very interesting events and encounters – what some might describe as “coincidences” - , Jaworski found himself “called” to fund the American Leadership Forum. He was then headhunted to lead the now very famous scenario building team at Shell headquarters in the UK.
This book offers some great tips on how to be, learn, intuit and change, and work in partnership with life – not against it, or in spite of it... One tip that will remain with me is to nurture the courage to act on what we sense. In particular, to reach out to people we meet and immediately “know” from the moment we first see them – without knowing why or how. That is how Jaworski met his second wife – in an airport, of all places - and many other key figures on his journey. We often allow our mind to hold us back, out of fear, or out of respect to social norms. Jaworski’s life story shows that life can be more rewarding when we trust and follow our inner knowing and allow ourselves to connect with others, only because we sense we need to – not because we need something specific from them - ; thus, we are able to allow life to unfold according to its natural, benevolent flow.
The moral of the story? Good things happen when we listen to our inner voice or follow our intuition – when we are connected to it...
Review by Caroline Pakel, from to the heart, a creative problem solving agency facilitating understanding and change for groups and individuals. www.totheheart.com
Do you remember learning to ride a bike?
I do. Mark Rogers from no. 25 taught me in our street, in front of all the neighbours. I remember the moment of panic as I suddenly realised that I was riding on my own, without stabilisers or Mark holding on to the back of my seat. I wobbled and nearly fell, not because I didn’t have the balance or skill, but because every thought in my panicked head began: ‘am I?’
The moment I became secure was the moment I learned to say “I am!”
Do you remember when you first learned to swim without water wings in the deep end of the swimming pool? Alan, my ex-flatmate / ex-business partner taught me. I remember swimming beyond the shallow end, realizing that the water below me was far deeper than the length of my legs. I could have felt panic. I could have felt terror. When I disengaged from it and thought about it, I felt fear. But when I engaged with my stroke, breathing into the present moment, I allowed it to carry me. I felt myself float and I swam with the calm and joy of a Buddhist dolphin.
This article is about two states which I call ‘am I?’ and “I am”. The two perspectives on life that we can take in our every moment, either consciously or unconsciously. I hope it will help you to recognise which state you are in at any given moment. I’d like to share a few tricks on how to change state from ‘am I?’ into one of “I am”. Here’s a run-down:
‘Am I?’ is driven by an external sense of self. The feeling that who we are is determined by others, as we hand our power over to them. Often it arises from our dated doubts and fears, paranoia and projected fantasy expectations. It leaves us in a constant state of doing – reacting, spinning plates and putting on a good show, troubleshooting life as we attract trouble to shoot.
‘Am I?’ attracts repetitive unhelpful patterns and same old unsatisfactory outcomes. It’s a life lived in survival mode. It’s a life lived in fear and panic, dodging judgement and abandonment. ‘Am I?’ has us shallow breathing, power-thinking, panic-reacting, second-guessing, uptight, on our guard, ready to fight, flight or freeze.
This self-preservation instinct has, no doubt, helped billions of people survive life-threatening situations, but how do we let our inner protectors know that the war is over – that it’s safe now? Once we progress beyond living in survival mode, our old protective shields can turn into tight little cages that restrict our lives from growing. Such control leaves little, if any room for who I am to take root and flower.
In my 25 years of work in this arena, the most frequent concern I have heard from men is a lack of control. I have met men who would rather kill themselves than be out of control. Men come to me running from the two big male fears: humiliation and abandonment. They all come in wanting something, and rather than getting that thing, they make their hero’s journey from‘am I?’ to “I am”, and along the way, they make authentic space for themselves.
If ‘am I?’ is external, “I am” comes from an internal sense of self. It is conscious. It is authentic. It brings out the best of who we are in the present moment. It’s aware of our baggage, but it doesn’t let it run the show. It attracts calm, certainty, safety and the right people. It allows things to flow efficiently, where meeting our own needs comes first, enabling us to extend ourselves to others. It is a very comfortable and powerful place of being.
I am is awash with endorphins, the substance our bodies create that produces a feeling of wellbeing. Similar to how we feel after exercise, in love, at orgasm, or a relief from pain. Safe and able to take part in life, sharing, receiving and growing.
If you are anything like me, you have probably felt moments of terror when asked to take the spotlight, a platform, on a stage. By coming from I am, I have found a way to take these opportunities and enjoy giving them my best shot, rather than fearing every step. I have learned to focus on an outcome beyond my edge. Then the journey brings me alive. Am I? would take me back to the troubled child who fluffed his lines and had the school laughing. I am takes care of that frightened child and brings him on stage with me, showing him how wonderful the view is from here as we unlearn the past together in a breath.
My trusty shields protected me from public humiliation for all those years, but also kept me from realising my potential as I blocked life’s opportunities. That shield is no longer running the show. My long-suppressed inner showman now relishes the endless possibilities of authentic, playful presentations that bring praise, celebration, self-acceptance, self-nurture and invitations for more. Beyond this, he’s up for fun, risks and even trusting Channel 4’s ‘Cutting Edge’ as my shadow is paraded for all and sundry! This is now my norm and the fear of criticism, humiliation, rejection, abandonment and abuse – from myself or others – can be the fuel that drives me forward. What a relief!
As soon as I catch myself lost in my headspace, I move from Am I? to I am in just one breath. As I inhale I fill my lungs with air and I fill my heart with the contentment ofbe~ing, thinking ‘thank you for reminding me who I used to be’. As I exhale, I let go of the stressful demands that my inner am I? is trying to foist upon me and with a quiet mind I engage with what’s in front of me. I take part in life.
I often had inner dialogues with my thoughts and emotions running constantly in the background. Times and places that I had not quite let go of, that I survived, but that I still carried around. I put those things to paper and disassociated from them, so I can look at them from the outside rather than believing that this was who I am. I am who I am right here and right now.
If the ‘am I?’ to “I am” breath doesn’t cut it, there may be a depressed ‘pause button’ that keeps you stuck somewhere in the past. As you breathe into the feeling, let yourself follow it to its source. It is likely to take you back to a specific scene, incident, or time in your life that will likely reveal itself, ready for acceptance and reconsolidation info a life beyond old limitations. Clearing up what’s in the shadow makes space for more in the light of daily life.
My wife once said to me “all this talk of alcoholism, drug addiction, sex and love addiction, workaholism, I don’t buy it! I think it’s all addiction to thoughts and emotions!” Spot on! She reminded me that I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions. I am not my history. I am a free spirit, on an earthly adventure, creating my reality as I straddle my cycles of life, swimming high on the crest of a wave with quiet confidence, natural courage and on purpose. I am.
article first appeared here: http://www.kennydcruz.com/how-to-be-free/
Abundance is a very popular word right now. Sometimes it almost seems as though the word “abundance” is a socially acceptable way of saying "lots of money!" Although an increase in material wealth may be a goal for many, the true meaning of abundance goes beyond just simply having or acquiring more money. It's more all-encompassing and bigger than that. Abundance is a feeling. It's something that is already there that just needs to be tapped into. Abundance is gratitude and seeing the richness in every moment. Abundance is love. More and more, people are realizing that abundance is a choice. Take a look at some of these great quotes on abundance, to explore its true meaning and feel free to share what abundance means to you in the comments below.
original article appears here: http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/50-quotes-abundance
ConsciousCafe is a not-for-profit organisation, a friendly and welcoming community, a place to live life consciously.