ConsciousCafe Singapore hosted a joyous and meaningful discussion recently on the topic of "The Good Life". We love how international our group is, with people hailing from all over the world - it gives us all such an opportunity to learn new things from different viewpoints. This meet-up in particular was a great example of both Western and Eastern perspectives enriching the conversation.

There were so many different aspects to discuss within our theme. Preparedness and acceptance of life's uncertainties was a big one, and one we have delved into before here at ConsciousCafe Singapore. It certainly hits home with a lot of people, how unpredictable and often hard life can be - how to we deal with things beyond our control, and the emotions that come along with that?

But on a more positive note, the list of attributes that make "The Good Life" grew with each turn of the conversation. Love & relationships, health & happiness, curiosity & purpose, a sprinkle of humour & a pint of beer - so many examples, and a whole host of differing priorities. It was such a mindful moment, to be able to sit and talk about what we are grateful for in life, and how many wondrous things can build us all a good life.

And now we want to pass the question on. What do you think makes "The Good Life", and what are you grateful for in yours?

HK

ConsciousCafe Singapore Leader

Uncertainty is everywhere and we cannot escape from it. We crave certainty. However, life with certainty will be predictable and maybe even ... boring?

We know some things to be true. Others we know to be false. In between there remain many things of which we are uncertain. We do not have full information about the present moment, the past is shrouded and we do not know the future.

Uncertainty involves evoking many emotional states: fear of the unknown, anxiety, surprise, anger, depression, the desire to control, to name just a few. The lack of certainty can also create a response on a physiological level. The brain is wired to react to threats; the limbic system triggers an instinctual survival response of flight, fight or freeze, if the threat is too overwhelming. That is an instinctive mechanism that has followed us since primitive times.

At some point in our growing human civilisation - rife with language, the written word, buildings! - our society “exploded” in a new direction, and we humans shifted from instincts into awareness.

These days, our lives are so much more certain than they were even 100 years ago, yet they are ever more complex. We often mix the uncertainty with complexity, applying knowledge or attempting to make quasi-rational decisions to try and overcome or deal with uncertainty. We follow set rules of our intuition. Or sometimes we simply wait ...

We had an excellent time exploring this theme at ConsciousCafe Singapore. We explored and shared personal experiences on how might we deal with uncertainty when it arises. Is the desire to control uncertain situations or circumstances born out of habit or fear?

There were a few artists amongst us and we had an interesting exchange on how the uncertainty affects creative processes, and how curiosity can help to overcame discomforts of the unknown. We expanded the topic, too - shifting into ideas of probability, chance and uncertainty theories in physics, all adding a brand new dimension to the topic.

And now we'd love to pass the question off to you: are you comfortable in uncertainty?

HK

ConsciousCafe Singapore Leader

ConsciousCafe founder Judy Piatkis with Singapore group leader Hanna Krasnodebska, earlier this year.

Conscious Café Singapore met recently for another interesting discussion, this time on the theme of Compassion, with special speaker Anita Kapoor who introduced the topic and led the discussion.

Compassion is at the root of human contacts and relationships, but is it really evident in the way we are currently interacting with each other, or with nature? What are our personal experiences of compassion? Is compassion a clearly defined state of being or does it have a spectrum? Is compassion a dominant modus operandi currently? What can we do to bring back the compassion into our interactions and stop being a cutthroat?

Compassion is a virtue of our humanness. It is wired into our biology via the vagus nerve that transmits information to and from lungs, heart and organs of digestion and additionally serves the parasympathetic nervous system that is calming in opposition to the fight-flight response. It is our “nerve of compassion” that promotes altruism, gratitude according to Professor Porges’ Polyvagal Theory. There is also the “love hormone” oxytocin that is responsible for the social bonding.

The dominating concept of “survival of the fittest” that originated from Darwin’s evolutionary theory have been influencing societies and cultures for the past 150 years.  There is a need in the contemporary chaotic, fragmented, competition-dominated world to shift into a kind and compassionate co-existence. Participants shared their experiences of how the education system ingrains and reinforces competitiveness, how workplaces value and reward it, and how at the level of individual interactions this can be a dominant characteristic. In the presence and pressure of constant comparison we either strive to fit in or isolate ourselves into our own personal world - a private reality, we get depressed, feel anxious. If we do not get that top prize we are no longer “unfortunate” - that term has at least a smudge of compassion. No, we become "losers".

That disconnection has been spreading. The rise of individualism, the emancipation of the individual in modernity from many societal structures has been, on one hand, a positive development, but on the other it's increasingly producing its own antithesis – tribalism, conformism. Yet so many of us are craving a true community to belong to.

Our group discussed the aspects of compassion as a spectrum of engagement. Often a compassion is mistaken with pity, the feeling of sharing the suffering of another human being, while compassion is the feeling of empathy and a desire to help, to alleviate the suffering. It is very powerful to hear a personal story and participants were generously sharing.

We touched on the importance of the self-compassion: that special kindness towards oneself that is interlinked with forgiveness towards our own errors, mistakes and failures. Various examples from personal practices on how to cultivate it were shared: looking after oneself, seeking physical comfort, letting go of perfectionism, practising mindfulness, being aware of emotions and shame arising, allowing oneself to seek help.

We concluded that there is rising awareness of the importance of cultivating compassion in children as well as in adults, and that we all as individuals can contribute by being aware of our daily interactions and response choices. Compassion in action.

This blog post is written by Hanna Krasnodebska, leader of ConsciousCafe Singapore. Follow the Singapore group page to keep up to date with upcoming meetings!