Thank you to all those who braved the snow to come to ConsciousCafe Geneva last night. We broke a record – one person had to get the train home to Bern afterwards! Our discussions on “2019 and Beyond – How can I be my best self?” were all about our values. It was fascinating that people prioritised very different values, and it helped with my life lessons on judgement to realise why people might not act according to MY expectations sometimes! Why are our values so important, we asked? Because they are our life guide and compass. They show us the way. They make us who we are. They are so important than when we live or work in conflict with them we can become ill, physically and mentally. Do we all live to our values? Even when challenged? We wondered, if asked, would your family and closest friends be able to say what your main values are? After very engaging discussions we ended by examining just ONE value we would like to strengthen in ourselves and a brief closing meditation focused on feeling, being and exuding that value as we went out into the world. Conversation at ConsciousCafe Geneva takes place at small tables, which we mix up several times, so the conversations constantly change and you meet new, like-minded people. For many reasons there always seems to be a very warm atmosphere and we all leave uplifted. It’s about the people contact I think, connecting on a deeper level than usual. And it’s really very beautiful! Join us sometime.
What a fascinating evening we had at ConsciousCafe Canterbury - and it also generated a lot of discussion both immediately afterwards and in the proceeding days.
Our three speakers all came from very varied and interesting backgrounds. Louise Cox Chester came from a career in investment analysis and fund management but decided to leave this high flying world to set up Mindfulness at work ten years ago. Her organisation supports global corporations through designing and delivering mindfulness based training that brings focus, clarity and calm to people. Mindfulness at work has worked with over 250 organisations ranging from Cisco and Savills to Unilever and UBS. They also deliver mindful self compassion programmes in the NHS, teach in schools and run a not for profit organic retreat centre in Wingham.
Viv Moore is a Mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) teacher with a background in nursing and psychology, she has been a University lecturer with a PhD in Psychology. She runs 8 week MBSR courses and she has specialized particularly in helping clients with severe chronic pain. Emma Slade or Ani Pema Deki came from the banking world and the story of her transformation from high flying banker to Buddhist nun is told in her popular book Set Free which she sells in aid of the charity she set up Opening your Heart to Bhutan. As a practicing Tibetan Buddhist she says that in Tibetan there is no word for “Mindfulness” which seems curious as the practice has come out of Buddhism!
It was surprising to hear that it is not easy to even define exactly what mindfulness is despite the word being in such common parlance these days.
Louise felt that mindfulness could be defined as loving connected presence either towards self or others or towards an object; it is about being present. Viv felt that the practice dealt with the fact of life being suffering and is about addressing pain in our lives. Louise felt that mindfulness helped people make better choices in their lives, it would enable them to have a pause between stimulus and response, it would help them to communicate more effectively and to give their full attention to colleagues in meetings.
We discussed the fact that the practice may not be suitable for everyone, if someone was recently bereaved then a mindfulness meditation would make them more acutely aware of their grief, also people with mental health problems might find it painful or difficult to practice mindfulness. Everyone agreed that yoga practice can be extremely beneficial for everyone as it was mindful practice that made people aware of their bodies.
It was felt that some people got benefits similar to meditation from running or other sports or even from playing a musical instrument. We were able to experience two short meditations and in the feedback one person who had never meditated before and was surprised that in a guided short meditation they were able to clear their mind.
This is just an overview of what we talked about and I am sure that many of you found other nuggets of interest which I have failed to mention. Do let me know your thoughts on the evening.
Cora
ConsciousCafe Canterbury Leader
Living in this day and age I’m finding myself increasingly interested in ways of becoming more self aware and of experiencing life in greater technicolour. In Conscious Cafe I have found a community with similar interests and get to reap the benefits of learning and growing with likeminded people from all walks of life. It’s quite insightful to learn how the qualities of a mindful approach can play out in publishing, luxury hotels, supermarkets, branding, coaching…The list is endless.
John Danias
May we thank John for permission to share his recent article, posted on LinkedIn here.
Over the last 7 years, through ups, down, fears and joys, through the rollercoaster called "Life", I’ve been really drawn to mindfulness.
"Mindfulness", "meditation", "self-awareness": these are relatively unusual terms and consequently can have different meanings and associations for each person.
For me mindfulness simply means intentionally bringing some curiosity to the experience in hand. This can be a work meeting, family banter, a boxing fight or a walk in the park. By attending more clearly to what is happening, bringing some awareness to the thoughts, emotions and body sensations playing out moment by moment, it is possible to gain a better understanding of how this "John Danias" experiences life and consequently take wiser actions.
So, it’s about improving my confidence at work, interaction with my kid, reflexes when sparring, in fact anything that I am working on.
At work
During meetings I notice the acute desire to get my point across generates some anxiety and clouds the mind. And I have no doubt that my nervousness, however subtle, gets communicated to some degree. Using some specific observation-based techniques I can notice the process playing about (‘metacognition’ in scientific terms): mild tension on my shoulders just by the neck, slight straining in the eyes, shallow breathing and a charged internal dialogue questioning if it’s the right time to interject. Recognising these signs, I initiate a subtle breathing exercise whilst continuing to attend to the meeting. And gradually the possibility opens up for the tension to dissipate, the meeting being experienced with greater clarity, the point being put across with greater refinement and when not speaking, to just sit back and watch the show.
Clear, assertive communication, free from overthinking and second-guessing, is something I need to cultivate. The science of neuroplasticity adheres to the ability of training the mind through repetition. Consequently, every skilful communication, irrespective of the context, can improve my communication at work. Then why not practice at the grocer’s too? Why not with my family?
With family
I’m going back home feeling a bit down. When I tell my wife how I feel my instinctive reaction will be to highlight that it’s not a problem and reassure her. This time I will try an experiment. I will put aside my overthinking and will simply state it clearly and with presence. I will not quantify the ‘low’, and I will not add the habitual “but it will be okay”. Let’s see.
“I’m feeling low”.
The response is amazing: acceptance and support. So nice to feel supported, so reassuring. We’ve empowered each other through vulnerability – I will remember this lesson.
Why am I writing this article?
There is an incredible wealth of interesting techniques to cultivate a more mindful state. Whilst I have explored a multitude, I have only touched the surface. They are becoming increasingly sophisticated and can be tailored to our aims, lifestyle and personalities. Surgically precise meditation exercises can improve our faculty of attention and response. A technique called 'Wim Hof Method*' can enable us to voluntarily activate the autonomic nervous system.
Each one of us will embrace 'mind training**' at some point. Now, in a year, in ten? I wonder...
I love talking about mindfulness. I love communicating what I’m learning from this practice and exchanging ideas. Every communication is my nourishment. When you’re interested, when you’re ready, please get in touch. Let’s help each other to grow.
* Link to scientific article here.
** Mind is defined as ‘the faculty of consciousness and thought’.
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| My indoor conservatory - the ornament shelf from London repurposed and now holding my collection of plants that I've grown from scratch. Very good feng shui - I have been growing like my plants !! |
For the last two years, since leaving my beloved London house, I have been setting up new foundations for myself. I am not even crystal-clear about what happens next but as Kevin Costner famously said "if you build it they will come".
Now that this new container is done, I am currently focusing on the details of creating order, one of life's essential support systems. Finding a place for everything and everything in its place. Oh the joy of being efficient and finding everything!
My diary is quite spacious at the moment and I am relishing having a long breather away from the fray .... but I can feel momentum gathering in the ether (like the faint rumble of stampeding hooves in the far distance). Let's see how this coming year unfolds.
I will be in San Francisco in February for Wisdom 2.0, again, a place where I truly find my tribe. It is my sixth time attending and I'm taking colleagues with me from London, Iceland, Germany and Sydney. Four of us have been working on a program leveraging the power and potency of reinvention. It is called "From Warrior to Warrior - How to Reinvent Yourself at Any Age and Take on the World". We are looking to arrange events and opportunities to speak while we are in San Francisco and California in February 20-28th. I am also hoping to have a chance to host a Women's Gathering there too. Do get in touch if you have suggestions. Thank you. Keep in touch via the Worrier to Warrior Facebook page.
Much of my life force in 2016 (just before the building mayhem took over my life) went into producing a series of The Rise of the Feminine radio programmes. A new series will be back this year .... so many of the conversations that I had 18 months ago are just now gathering real interest.
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Finally, I want to share the news of my mentor, spiritual grandmother and friend Dadi Janki. She is 102 this month. Unbelievable, especially as she is still working (Head of the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University). Apparently she's just been to Southern India to open a new retreat centre and has been speaking to 500 people. We are expecting her in London in April...... so that is exciting. And the community of women who we recognised in the 100 Women of Spirit initiative to honour Dadi's 100 years, continues to gather pace. We are creating an event on June 16th to support young women and share the wisdom of older women with Millennials and vice versa! Let me know if you want an invite or know a young woman.
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What are they all waiting for??! |
ConsciousCafe founder Judy Piatkus was quoted in a recent piece published in The Guardian. Sales of mind, body and spirit books are booming this year. Judy thinks this is a reflection of how society is changing. She believes that people are questioning how we live, what is working and what is not working. Younger people are growing up with a different set of values and this is reflected in the growth of sales in this area of the book market.
This is all good news for people who come to ConsciousCafe and want to explore all these new ideas with one another, helping each other to raise consciousness and awareness of change as we journey forward together.
One of the saddest things about being human is that it takes the most painful events to awaken us to our humanity.
We can't appreciate our most joyful moments without having had great sadness to contrast them with.
On a global level there are times when the whole world suffers together and when everyone on the planet shares joy together. The consequences of climactic disasters, the sadness and pain of events such as 9/11 and 3/11, the Japanese Tsunami, and the horrendous unnecessary wars, started by those who are greedy for power and money, contrasts with the admiration we feel when we see remarkable feats of heroic endurance, explorers conquering new frontiers, tech inventors creating products which make our lives easier and scientists developing new cures which will enable us to live longer.
We experience this duality on a national level too. Remember the highs so many of us felt during the 2012 Olympics when the whole nation came together to celebrate our great sporting heroes and show London off to its best. Contrast that with the pain and sorrow of the last few days when only the hardest of hearts could fail to be unmoved by the recent unfolding tragic events.
In the past few days, arising from the Grenfell tragedy, we have witnessed the very best of human nature responding to greed, negligence and the most selfish, unheeding and uncaring human characteristics.
I understand that this is emotional duality which we are here to experience and which gives us the opportunity to learn our greatest lessons.
Unfolding events are bringing people together to fight for and demand a better, fairer world and technology makes it easier for us to join with others and respond as one in times of great crisis.
This week we are united in sadness as each one of us in our own personal way, honours the souls of those who died so the rest of us might learn from what they have gone through and do our best to try to be better human beings.
It was a beautiful English summer day when our eclectic ConsciousCafe group set off from Hampstead tube station for our first ‘Walk and Talk’ event on Hampstead Heath.
The Heath terrain is steep in parts and passes through ancient woodland areas with natural paths and wide green open spaces. Only a few of us had met before and we chatted with each other as we experienced the diverse natural pleasures of the Heath. We were on our way to Kenwood House, an elegant former stately home surrounded by a large estate with landscaped gardens. Its a great favourite with local people as well as with tourists.There’s something especially relaxing about meeting new people when you are out for a walk. Thoughtful enjoyable conversations were taking place between all of us and it didn’t feel as though we had only met each other just a short while before.
We wandered round the Kenwood grounds, admiring the lake and the views, before relaxing with a drink at the open-air café. It was such a fabulous day that most of us were not in the mood for exploring inside the house, preferring to save that pleasure for a second visit in a colder season.
Our route home took us past The Creamery, a small white building on a little hill near the main House which used to be the dairy for the estate. You can still see the equipment that was used at the time. The views from The Creamery of the fields, trees and estate are as natural now as they would have been two hundred years ago. No wonder it is such a popular location for film-makers of dramas, both historical and contemporary. Notting Hill had a scene shot here as did Belle and the new film, Hampstead, coming out soon, has some fantastic shots of the heath, Kenwood and surrounding area as it is based on a true story set in Hampstead.
We ended our visit with a look at Whitestone Pond, which some say is the highest point in London, before wending our way back down the hill towards Hampstead village. All of us agreed it had been an ideal day for the walk and we will have a lovely shared memory of the first ConsciousCafe event in nature.
Judy
ConsciousCafe Founder
I have been re-visiting my ideas about mindfulness in the last few days in preparation for an event which I am facilitating.
I first came across the term ‘mindfulness’ many years ago when I was sent an early copy of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book, Wherever You go, There You Are, with a view to my being the UK publisher for it. Jon Kabat-Zinn had taken ideas from ancient Buddhist practices and explored how to make them accessible to the mainstream. He believed that Western society had lost touch with the universal human qualities of paying attention and living with awareness.
This was 1994 and the thinking behind the book was all completely new to us at Piatkus. We had published books on meditation but this was so much more.
In the introduction the author explains that ‘wherever you go, there you are. Whatever you are thinking right now, that’s what’s on your mind.’ It looks at first like a simple observation but in fact it requires much practice and self-awareness to observe your thoughts in this way. The important question we must each ask ourselves is how best to respond to any given situation in which we find ourselves and the answer to that question lies in responding with your full awareness to whatever is going on for you right there in that moment.
Whatever has happened has already happened. The future is unknown. When we can truly learn to live in the present, to ‘be in touch with where we already are’, then we are in a situation where we have the most to gain for we can understand more of ‘the truth’ of what we are really experiencing and ideally respond with wisdom and heartfelt understanding.
I took the book to the editorial meeting and we were all keen to go ahead. But the ideas were so new at the time, that we thought we would need to change the title of the book or we would have difficulty in selling it into the bookshops (this was long before the days of amazon). Accordingly we retitled it Mindfulness Meditation for Everyday Life. We printed an initial edition of 3000 copies. The Daily Mail wrote a piece about it which resonated so profoundly that the book sold out within a week. It nevertheless took many years before it was taken up by psychotherapists as a tool to help their patients and subsequently the concept of mindfulness found its way into the NHS and after that became mainstream.
Now mindfulness has become an industry. People know that practising mindfulness is good for them but they are not sure why. It takes time to become mindful of who we are as individuals, how we respond to different situations in the way that we do, whether we are truly living our lives the way we want to, whether we are living from our hearts.
Mindfulness has been an extraordinary gift to the world. and the gifts it offers are available to each and every one one of us every day of our lives – as long as we are aware when we are truly ‘there’.
For those interested you can click here to purchase or review Jon Kabat - Zinn's book: Wherever You Go, There You Are.
Street Wisdom is the brainchild of David Pearl who believes that many of the answers to questions and problems that challenge us in our lives can be found in the streets around us, if we would only take the time to look.
We divided into three groups and each of us went to a different part of Camden Market. It was still fairly quiet, early in the morning and easy to absorb all the amazing sights and sounds as the many stallholders set out their wares and the food vendors prepared their meals. Each facilitator sent their group members on four ten-minute short walks with a specific issue to observe and think about during that time. These exercises put us in an altered state in that we all became very relaxed. Then we were left with time to wander round the market and observe what answers to our questions would come up for us.
After 50 minutes or so we all met in a nearby bar and again, in our groups, shared our experiences.
The answer to my own question had come very fast and kept being reinforced as I wandered round the market. One woman had a question regarding her relationship and she spotted a sign that made it very clear that the decision she wanted to make was the right one. Another participant was clarifying ideas about where to live and the Street Wisdom Experience opened her mind to new possibilities. Everyone in all the groups had gained from the wisdom of the streets.
Many years ago I read Living Magically by Gill Edwards, her first book, which introduced me to the concept of metaphysics and how helpful signs are all around us if we allow ourselves to be sufficiently aware to take the time to see. Street Wisdom also works in the same way reminding us that our knowingness operates on so many different levels. I like the idea that I could repeat my Street Wisdom experience any time I want to when I have another important question that needs an answer.
ConsciousCafe will be happy to offer another Street Wisdom experience in due course if anyone was unable to take part in this one. Just let us know at judy@consciouscafe.co.org and when we have enough people we will set it up.
Meanwhile, to find out more here is David Pearl, who founded Street Wisdom and was one of our facilitators, talking about it in a TED speech
JP
May 2016
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