The backdrop of heightened anxiety and uncertainty due to the pandemic has caused each one of us to react in different ways. Many people we live and work with have become less flexible, reverting to their biases and wanting to continue to do things the way they have always done even though the evidence may strongly indicate that we all need to change our ways of thinking.
This lack of flexibility impacts on all our relationships with other people. How does our internal anxiety and tension manifest itself when we speak to others? Do they feel safe to share their own fears and concerns with us? Do they feel included in the conversation, part of what is going on, able to contribute and experiment? How do we continue to work collaboratively without feeling the need to take control?
In this interactive online event you will have the opportunity to think deeply about how you engage in conversation with others. Using material from leading-edge thinkers, Sylvana Caloni will show you how to enhance your conversational skills.
You will learn techniques for:
Drawing on the work of leading-edge thinkers about intelligence and brain development, together with ancient wisdom and practices, you will have the opportunity to learn to become more competent in your communication during these times of high stress and daily uncertainty.
This is an online event. Please buy your tickets for this event on Eventbrite and we will send you the Zoom link the day before the event.
About Sylvana Caloni
Sylvana Caloni established her coaching business in London in 2004, following a 15-year career in global investment banking. She partners with high potential executives on a promotion track, with recently promoted executives and with established leaders to enable them to become more successful and to deliver improved results. Many of her clients are accomplished managers or experts who acknowledge that the transition to leadership creates additional challenges.
In her former role as Executive Vice President responsible for global equity research teams she probed C-Suite executives across a range of international industries and geographies. From these insights and perspectives, she distilled the essence of business management and market out-performance. Together with this she weaves an understanding of neuroscience, Conversational Intelligence®, adult development theory, systemic and ontological coaching and neuro linguistic programming to best suit her clients’ needs.
Sylvana partners with her clients to make the invisible visible; to develop their self knowledge and to become aware of how their presence, behaviours, values and attitudes impact others. She assists them to appreciate the nuances of the different working and communication styles of their culturally diverse teams. Her clients become more flexible leaders, able to listen more deeply and to have conversations that create greater understanding and collaboration.
Sylvana has held several leadership roles including; Founding Chair of the UK Chapter of Advance, a global network for Australian Professionals and former President of Women in Banking and Finance. She is currently a Board Director of the UK Chapter of the International Women’s Forum.
Sylvana cares about creating opportunities for disadvantaged children. She is a Trustee of the Friends of the Rose Bowl, a charity that helps to fund a youth club. She supports emerging leaders as a coach on the UpRising youth leadership programme and as a mentor at Regent’s University London.
Little did I know that an invitation to learn about re-wiring your brain and giving your flagging willpower a boost would resonate with so many people. Almost 60 of us attended our Conscious Cafe Skipton gathering in November to listen to local Psychotherapist John Taylor talk us through how our brains actually work. That’s the largest gathering we have ever had and shows the increasing desire people have, not only to connect and share in community, which is the core idea of Conscious Cafe, but also to learn more about what makes us tick (or stops us from ticking the way we want to!)
When I asked folks to share what had called them to this particular conversation, these were the issues named that people commonly live with and would like to resolve:
Our event was held on the first day of International Stress Awareness Week – a perfect opportunity to examine what it is that causes us stress .. and what to do about it. In addition to the anxiety list, people also expressed a desire simply to express themselves to others; gain further clarity on what they could do to support their own wellbeing; learn some more self-help tools and satisfy their curiosity on the understanding their brain.
Here are ten insights from our Conscious Cafe evening exploration:
John shared something we have all experience with: we say YES to something, like agreeing to speak at a public event, then immediately afterwards we are filled with dread because we are now overwhelmed with fear ... and yet we know, deep-down, that we do actually want to do that thing!
That was a conundrum that troubled John Taylor and his curiosity and desire to overcome said fear, led him to train in hypnotherapy and psychotherapy. He was particularly drawn to BWRT, BrainWorking Recursive Therapy, a new form of psychotherapy that uses the latest findings in neuroscience and is proving very helpful for changing behaviours and habits. successfully resolving many cases of PTSD, panic and anxiety as well as anxiety and phobias. We can be amazed at what makes us fearful but what is even more amazing is that we can actually overcome this.
What underpins so many of the issues that we have as humans is the trio called Needs, Belief and Conflict. And the conflict usually arises when a need comes up against a belief. Our needs start with a sensation. The absence of something or the desire to get rid of something is experienced as a feeling. When we don’t have what we need (e.g. drinking water when thirsty) the body will get stressed. Equally, we can feel stressed if we have an unwanted experience (like anxiety) so we are triggered to get rid of the unwanted feeling, and relieve it. But sometimes, something stops us from taking care of our needs.
Problems start when our needs are not fulfilled. There can be many reasons for this. Environmental factors play a part and these can mean we are not able to access the resources we need or perhaps we have a lack of knowledge for what might be available. One key aspect is that we don’t always recognise what our needs are, particularly our emotional ones may not be so obvious. We have never been taught to think of ourselves as having a range of needs and how to truly recognise when they show up. Finally our own brain software, made up of our beliefs, can get in the way of us getting that we want.
These come from an accumulation of our learned behaviour. Listen in to the voice in your head – that is a clue to what you believe. “I don’t believe I am worth it." That thought is going to create a major conflict with one of your needs. Losing touch with our needs can go back to childhood when we heard family instructions like “You should be seen and not heard” or “Eat everything on your plate." Maybe you simply do things where there is no rational and obvious reason but they are traditions passed down through your ancestry when you learn how to do things … the way your family always does things. Superstitions can be passed down through generations and simply become part of our core beliefs, beliefs that others may not share. Other than our parents, beliefs can be instilled in us from school education, our peer group and the powerful influence of advertising.
Belief has nothing to do with fact. Because whatever you believe is based on your own imagination. We can believe something will happen tomorrow, because that’s the way it’s always been before. It is not just a belief in an outcome of something, it’s our self-belief as well that has power over us. Our self-belief of who we are, what we’re capable of (or incapable of) and what we can/can’t do, what would happen if we did try to do something or not try to do something. Our beliefs can be rigid and they fundamentally shape who we are. If we feel we have to suppress part of ourselves through some kind of external pressure, and that then means we are not able to meet our needs, our body can react to this suppression with anger, anxiety, chronic illness.
The thinking, rational conscious brain that pays attention, helps us makes decisions and is responsible for willpower … this gives us a feeling of control. But in fact, it is not in control. There is another part of the brain, the subconscious. This is the part that never sleeps. When a threat happens the subconscious brain will cause us to very quickly take action ... to protect us. That happens before our conscious part is even aware. And working to support us, it always tries to act on our beliefs, as well as our needs. Sometimes there is conflict between what you really want to do and what you feel your should do. This is the nub of it! When a belief and a need are at opposite ends of a spectrum, you can’t act on both. So this is where you end up doing nothing .. good old procrastination! It can also lead to perfectionism. This does not make us perfect, it simply stops us from doing something in case we are embarrassed. It saves face!
“Cells that fire together wire together” is a key function in the brain and a foundation of the research and work of BWRT. Like a Pavlov dog, that has become wired to salivate for food ... we can continue to respond in a certain way after a strong initial reaction becomes wired into the brain. We form these neural pathways inside our brains which are links between the nerve cells inside our brains that fire off at the same time. And in just a third of a second, our brain starts to take action before we are consciously aware of what is going on. Research has shown that before a decision is made to take action, there is already neural activity inside the brain. All this can be good for us unless it causes a negative emotional response.
Failure of willpower is where we are working with the conscious brain, unaware of the role that the unconscious has over us. It’s hard to make a decision NOT to do something when your system is activated to move forward programmed by your subconscious, which is simply acting in your interest, driven by your beliefs. Sometimes you are fighting against your survival instincts.
So telling your brain to do something else instead is going to meet with resistance. Of course, you can make change because the more you do anything differently, the more successful you’ll be and the easier it will be. The best approach in BWRT is to stop the trigger in the first place rather than working on trying to resist.
Getting rid of anxiety is not done by trying to think of something else, it involves activating the anxiety because that in itself has energy as it is a neural pathway. Once activated it is immediately frozen to stop progressing. At this moment you can’t do two things at once ... you can’t stop anxiety and have it grow at the same time. By freezing it, your brain is called into a “wait state” and it is waiting for the next bit of information. This is when you break your automatic response pattern, it’s called a pattern interrupt. Strangely, your brain is highly likely to accept whatever new instruction we give it next. You decide the new action you want to replace the old habit reaction. With repetition (this is the recursive element in BWRT) this new action actually sticks.
This therapy overcomes the need for forcing change through willpower, it does not require long discussions about what is going on .. you simply want to know what new behaviour you would like instead. These techniques come from the newest brain science and neuro plasticity which means that all things can change with every second of every single day. Previously we thought that the brain at age 30 was pretty much shaped for life. Now we know that’s not true. This is a new area of research and overturns a lot of what we previously understood about the fixed nature of the brain.
John Taylor handed out a sheet of tools and tips with a Human Needs exercise. He is also very generously offered all attendees a personal and individual follow-up conversation during the next couple of months. He can be contacted on email and phone 01756 761604. Check out his website.
The bottom line is: our brain has an unlimited capacity to rewire and reorganise itself so all those old annoying destructive habits that we have got used to and suffer … they can all be changed. It sounds like a good idea to get specialist help with some of this but real breakthroughs are possible. It is helpful to study further and understand more about the enormous hidden powers that our brains have. The idea that our head is full of grey matter does not accurately reflect the powerful engine that controls every decision we make. Seemingly, anything is possible.
Gina
ConsciousCafe Skipton Host
Join us for a discussion on how to understand ourselves and other people. Marina Barrett is an Inner Freedom Mastery Mentor, specialising in Spiritual Psychology, Energy Alignment and Healing of the Subconscious Mind. She will lead a discussion about the essence of opposing life perspectives, presenting The Archetypal Coping Mechanism Circle, which we tend to adopt in order to navigate our way through relationships with self and others. Understanding these principles helps us identify our current strategies which may run unconsciously and this will enable us to understand ourselves better and make better life decisions.
Booking recommended as places limited.
Venue: Geoffrey Chaucer Room, Anne Robertson Centre, 55 London Road, Canterbury CT2 8HQ.
Cost: £7.00 if paid in advance (book below) or £10 on the door.
Refreshments provided.
We are delighted to invite you to an interactive evening with Jan Cisek, one of the first, government-approved Spiritual Health Mentors in the UK. He will explore with us the key aspects of Spiritual Health such as connection, peace of mind and care and compassion. Jan will also cover what to do to connect and maintain your spiritual and conscious life; how to manage yourself to find peace of mind; and how to be of service in the world.
You will learn how to:
• develop further your spiritual intelligence/spirituality/consciousness
• boost your emotional wellbeing
• improve your physical and mental health
• enhance your meditation/mindfulness
• and, connect more to the good things in life
The mini-workshop will touch on:
• Multiple intelligences
• Research on spirituality
• What is spirituality?
• Spiritual development vs personal development
• States of consciousness and stages of personal development
• The function of spiritual development
• Experience / a taste of spiritual health programme
• How to create a sacred space in your home/workplace
• What next? Consciousness studies…
IMPORTANT Please book early as everyone will receive a copy of the Spiritual Health Programme workbook.
Jan Cisek (MSc) is a spiritual health mentor, spiritual companion and meditation instructor with over 30 years of experience in spirituality and wellness and works in London and remotely. Jan has a diploma in Practical Spirituality & Wellness, the first UK, Ofqual accredited vocational diploma course in this evidence-based discipline. Jan is also an environmental psychologist (MSc) specialising in creating sacred spaces for working and living. He is an author and has a background in interior design, design and branding.
We are enhancing this event with a networking opportunity in a café nearby. We will meet at 4.30 pm and you will have the chance for a networking conversation with Conscious Cafe people. We will also go out together after the event for a drink or a snack so that we can continue the conversation afterwards. Please email judy@consciouscafe.org if you would like to come to the early networking event and/or the supper afterwards, and we will let you know where we are meeting.
Join ConsciousCafe Canterbury for a discussion and exploration of different states of consciousness and how we might discover them. We will look at aspects of Shamanism, dreams, visions and other altered states.
£7.00 in advance (ticket purchase at the bottom of this page), £10 on the door
Refreshments provided.
Venue: Highfield House Yoga Studio, Summer Hill, Harbledown, CT 2 8NH
Further info: Cora Kemball-Cook – corakc@hotmail.com Tel 07711 830275
Catherine Hill will lead the discussion on In Sickness and In Health, Making adversity work for you. In 1986 Catherine was badly injured in the Pam Am hijacking in Pakistan and since then has endured over 40 operations and constant pain. She wrote a book about her horrific experience and life after the hijacking, this was described as “inspirational and optimistic…convinces us of the unquenchable force of the human spirit”.
Catherine says she has learnt a huge amount from dealing with the challenges in her life and she will share some of her wisdom.
Cost: £7.00 if paid in advance or £10 on the door.
Refreshments provided.
Venue: The Conservatory, The Anne Robertson Centre, 55 London Road, Canterbury CT2 8HQ (parking available on site)
Relationships have changed dramatically over the decades. Back in the day most people simply got married. Few of us got any skills training, roles were more clearly defined, divorce was rare and expectations were radically different. Where did you learn from, did you just model your parents’ behaviour? Were you influenced by the movies we watched and Hollywood’s idea of romance?
Today authentic communication is what is needed, but are we fully prepared for that? Mutual understanding seems to be a rare gift in a modern relationship. Over 20 years ago, Psychotherapist Malcolm Stern realised the deep need people have for learning how to be together. Since then, he wrote his book Falling In Love/Staying in Love and his experience working with groups and individuals led him to be the co-presenter of Channel 4’s prime time relationship series Made For Each Other in 2003-2004. We invited London-based Malcolm to join us at Conscious Cafe Skipton in March to talk about how we can develop the necessary skills to transform our relationships.
Relationships are where we learn about ourselves
Malcolm opened the evening with a sharing about his own personal relationships journey and how he came to specialise in this area. He said that being in a relationship is one of the greatest tools we have in our lives because you can’t hide in a relationship. This is where we are most exposed -there really is nowhere to hide. You have to be willing to grow, whatever age you are, because life is always about learning who we are and how we are being. If you want to develop yourself then you need to be in a relationship.
It’s all about LOVE
A relationship is really an opportunity to practice the skills of loving. We only have one task in life that is to learn to love. As much as we need to look after ourselves, we can’t really do this in isolation. Few of us ever fly alone in this world. In quoting from ‘The Prophet’ (Kahlil Gibran) Malcolm said “Relationships will strip us to the bone, they will show us where the shadow is in play”.
The skills that we need to survive relationships, and for life in general, are kindness, thoughtfulness, listening and companionability.
Relationships are rarely problem-free
To create learning for our evening, Malcolm offered the opportunity for an attendee to step forward into the centre of our circle and present their relationship problems for insights. Malcolm pointed out that the group dynamic has enormous power in creating a safe space for opening up and sharing our wisdom, and the most powerful thing that can be offered is our presence and our ability for intentional listening. This depth of sharing would educate us all beyond anything that Malcolm alone could offer. If we can find out what the learning is in the relationship challenges we have, or have had, that is a true gift for all.
Conscious Cafe Canterbury is meeting to look at the power of the mind and explore the magic of placebos and affirmations.
Philip Tucker will act as a catalyst for this subject – he is a coordinator of Brighton Health Freaks and has had a life time interest in all areas of health and well being.
£7.00 in advance (ticket purchase at the bottom of this page), £10 on the door
Refreshments provided.
Venue: Highfield House Yoga studio, Summer Hill, Harbledown, CT2 8NH
www.canterburyyoga.co.uk for directions
Further info: Cora Kemball-Cook – corakc@hotmail.com / 07711 830275
We invite you to join us in a very special evening. Come and ask a question, any question, and Judith will provide answers. This may sound absurdly simplistic yet using this format, Judith's ability to offer hugely valuable and sage answers to questioners has time and time again shifted perspective, altering familiar landscapes and revealing hidden wisdom and much greater depth of understanding in answer to the question.
Judy Piatkus says "I was privileged to share a similar experience with Judith. It felt so special and so profound that I asked Judith if she would come and offer it to ConsciousCafe members. I was so thrilled when she said yes! "
Date: Wednesday 22 May 2019
Time: 6.30 pm – 8.30 pm
Location: Steiner House, 35 Park Road, London NW1 6XT (1 minute from Baker Street station)
We are enhancing this event with a networking opportunity in a café nearby. We will meet at 4.30 pm and you will have the chance for a networking conversation with Conscious Cafe people. We will also go out together after the event for a drink or a snack so that we can continue the conversation afterwards. Please email judy@consciouscafe.org if you would like to come to the early networking event and/or the supper afterwards, and we will let you know where we are meeting.
About Judith Seelig
Thirty years ago Judith’s career as a journalist, editor and travel writer halted after a series of unexpected consciousness-altering events. She now teaches self-realisation on retreat, in private sessions and in small yoga classes, the body being fundamental to complete transformation. Judith enjoys surfing, sailing, laughing, climbing and running. She regularly retreats into solitude in the wilds of Cornwall.
Cancellation Policy Full refund minus 10% up to 7 days beforehand (Wednesday 15th May) after which we apologise, but cannot offer any refund due to room hire and administration costs.
Conscious Cafe Canterbury is meeting on the fascinating topic of 'The Power of the Subconscious Mind'.
Our subconscious mind creates beliefs which can be baffling as they dictate patterns of behaviour that appear to be unwanted, unhealthy, negative and ultimately out of our control. Why do we do the things we do when we know they are not helpful, productive or sane?
Jo Price will lead us in this topic as we explore the workings of the subconscious mind. Jo from Reframing Minds is a powerhouse of interesting thoughts, questions and fabulous ideas around the workings of the subconscious.
Time: Monday March 11th 6.00 - 8.00pm
Venue: The Charles Dickens Room, The Anne Robertson Centre, 55, London road, CT2 8HQ
The conversation will continue afterwards in the bar of the Victoria Hotel nearby.
Cost: £7.00 if paid before March 10th or £10 on the door (Refreshments provided)
Thank you to all those who braved the snow to come to ConsciousCafe Geneva last night. We broke a record – one person had to get the train home to Bern afterwards! Our discussions on “2019 and Beyond – How can I be my best self?” were all about our values. It was fascinating that people prioritised very different values, and it helped with my life lessons on judgement to realise why people might not act according to MY expectations sometimes! Why are our values so important, we asked? Because they are our life guide and compass. They show us the way. They make us who we are. They are so important than when we live or work in conflict with them we can become ill, physically and mentally. Do we all live to our values? Even when challenged? We wondered, if asked, would your family and closest friends be able to say what your main values are? After very engaging discussions we ended by examining just ONE value we would like to strengthen in ourselves and a brief closing meditation focused on feeling, being and exuding that value as we went out into the world. Conversation at ConsciousCafe Geneva takes place at small tables, which we mix up several times, so the conversations constantly change and you meet new, like-minded people. For many reasons there always seems to be a very warm atmosphere and we all leave uplifted. It’s about the people contact I think, connecting on a deeper level than usual. And it’s really very beautiful! Join us sometime.
ConsciousCafe London met for their first 2019 gathering to enjoy a discussion on the topic of Expectations versus Reality.As soon as we began to explore the subject, it became obvious that expectations versus reality touches every aspect of our lives several times throughout each day.
We have expectations of others and expectations of ourselves. Sometimes we are much harder on ourselves if we fail to achieve our own expectations than we are on others who we feel have let us down.
We have expectations of how people will treat us - at home and at work - and few people are able to live up to our ideals. We have expectations of organisations, expectations of systems and expectations of technology. In our Western society we expect things to work. When systems fail us - as happens frequently - we often struggle with disappointment and frustration.
In Western society we have little tolerance for systems not working. If we lived in a more fragile society, we would not know what to expect on a daily basis. We also don't know what our expectations of the future of the planet might or should be. Our expectations are infinite and our knowledge very limited.
Our solutions to the problem of expectations versus reality included expressing gratitude for everything we have, focusing on what we receive from others that makes us happy rather than what makes us unhappy and doing our best to live in the present moment so that we are not constantly focusing on our expectations of what will happen in the future.
The topic was very enriching and people shared generously of their feelings - both expectations, disappointments and positive outcomes.
Thank you Gita Shri Kumari for a beautiful and inspiring meditation to start the event. Thank you everyone who took part. I hope I have expressed your experience of the event but do please add comments if I missed anything out.
We look forward to seeing you again soon.
** If you haven't been to a ConsciousCafe discussion before, come and join us. Everyone present took part in the above discussion. We explored the topic in small groups and then came together to share. Our combined exploration resulted in much personal discovery. It was a great afternoon.
Dear Friend,
ConsciousCafe has experienced a lovely 2018, full of expansion and innovation. We started the year with thriving groups in London, Bath, Bristol, Canterbury, SW Dorset (Dorchester), New Forest, Oundle, Skipton, Plymouth and Geneva. In March Nicola Foster facilitated her first discussion for ConsciousCafe in St Albans and in September John Sackett and Joy Sackett launched their new Bournemouth group. We have had several requests from people who would also like to launch groups. Viv Garbe will launch East Herts (Stevenage) in 2019 and Hanna Krasnodevska will create our second international group in Singapore early next year too.
Another first was receiving the special Editor’s Pick Award for 2018 from Kindred Spirit. For seven years now we have created the space for people to come together and explore a wide range of topics in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and non-judgment. During that time we have shared many deep and intimate conversations and have seen beautiful friendships being formed. We are all proud of what we have created and so it was a lovely gift to have our work recognised by Kindred Spirit who really ‘get’ what we offer.
Every group has a varied range of activities. Some groups have monthly discussions while other groups offer keynote speakers and events.
In London we have had a range of experiences. Isabel Losada’s talk about Sensational Sex in March was hugely popular and has also been very warmly received at our ConsciousCafe Plymouth and Canterbury groups.
Jane Bailey Bain talked about How to Create Your Future Story to packed houses in both Geneva and London. Christa Mackinnon’s talk to our group in Plymouth was sold out and she will be sharing her presentation with Q&A in London early next year. Our groups in Skipton and New Forest also offer a wide range of activities as well as discussions.
Meanwhile ConsciousCafe conversations have taken place on a huge variety of subjects. There is so much innovation and creativity among all our members and our Group Leaders have been taking full advantage of that.
In London we have explored Self-Love, Overload Anxiety, Courage (an idea which originated from our St Albans group), Creativity, and Self-Care. Mikkel Juel Iversen facilitated a truly memorable conversation about Homelessness and Dina Glouberman, known to many of you as the co-founder of Skyros, spoke about the themes of her newly published memoir. In the autumn patisserie chain Konditor and Cook offered us gorgeous space for Colin Smith who gave us an excellent workshop on Improving our Listening Skills. This turned out to be a particularly fun evening as we held a networking event beforehand followed by supper at Pizza Express afterwards. We have also enjoyed a Summer Tea and a Winter Festive Tea, having the opportunity to spend time together in a relaxed atmosphere on a Saturday afternoon with no one needing to rush to catch their train home.
When we first launched ConsciousCafe the world was not in so much turmoil as it is now. But as we approach 2019, after a challenging and difficult year for so many people globally, it is becoming increasingly important that we make the time to talk to one another about the things that really matter to each one of us. It is often only by speaking about them that we can truly explore what our thoughts and feelings and ideas are. And it is only by listening to one another in an atmosphere of trust and mutual respect, that we can hope to be able to understand each other’s differences. ConsciousCafe offers that space and the opportunity to connect with likeminded conscious people who we might not otherwise meet.
We thank you for joining the conversation during 2018 and hope to see you in 2019. Please feel free to invite your friends to ConsciousCafe. So many people tell us that their lives have been deeply enriched by having the opportunity to join this community.
Every ConsciousCafe leader gives their time generously and freely. Huge thanks go out from all of us to Britt, Jo, Peter, Anne, Charlie, Cora, Helena, Gina, Nicola, Debbie, Grace, Alan, John, Joy, Viv, Hanna and all of you who are supporting them. All our leaders come from their hearts.
We offer a huge thank you to everyone who has helped us financially this year and especially our generous supporters. I work 2 – 3 days a week for ConsciousCafe and everything we do is funded by all of you who support our vision and our events. We always try to keep the price as low as we can so that everyone can take part.
As always, we are very grateful to Joyce Deen for her care in admin and book-keeping and to Kate Cowan who is responsible and thoughtful about all our marketing. We welcome Tess Burton who has just joined us to develop our social media profile.
If ConsciousCafe has nurtured your soul this year and if you would like to help us launch more groups next year so that more people can benefit from what we offer, please become a ConsciousCafe supporter for 2019 (£50 or £40 (concessions)).
You can find out more here.
Or if you simply feel moved to honour what we do in aiming to raise consciousness in the world through conversation and connection, please donate on our ‘From the Heart’ button on our website supporters page. Every small amount you are able to give us helps us to continue the work we are here to do which is to raise consciousness through conversation and connection so that, by developing mutual understanding, we help to make the world a better place to live in for each one of us.
We wish you all a very restful holiday and hope that 2019 will be a happy, healthy and abundant year for all of you and your loved ones.
With love,
Judy and the ConsciousCafe team
Living in this day and age I’m finding myself increasingly interested in ways of becoming more self aware and of experiencing life in greater technicolour. In Conscious Cafe I have found a community with similar interests and get to reap the benefits of learning and growing with likeminded people from all walks of life. It’s quite insightful to learn how the qualities of a mindful approach can play out in publishing, luxury hotels, supermarkets, branding, coaching…The list is endless.
John Danias
May we thank John for permission to share his recent article, posted on LinkedIn here.
Over the last 7 years, through ups, down, fears and joys, through the rollercoaster called "Life", I’ve been really drawn to mindfulness.
"Mindfulness", "meditation", "self-awareness": these are relatively unusual terms and consequently can have different meanings and associations for each person.
For me mindfulness simply means intentionally bringing some curiosity to the experience in hand. This can be a work meeting, family banter, a boxing fight or a walk in the park. By attending more clearly to what is happening, bringing some awareness to the thoughts, emotions and body sensations playing out moment by moment, it is possible to gain a better understanding of how this "John Danias" experiences life and consequently take wiser actions.
So, it’s about improving my confidence at work, interaction with my kid, reflexes when sparring, in fact anything that I am working on.
At work
During meetings I notice the acute desire to get my point across generates some anxiety and clouds the mind. And I have no doubt that my nervousness, however subtle, gets communicated to some degree. Using some specific observation-based techniques I can notice the process playing about (‘metacognition’ in scientific terms): mild tension on my shoulders just by the neck, slight straining in the eyes, shallow breathing and a charged internal dialogue questioning if it’s the right time to interject. Recognising these signs, I initiate a subtle breathing exercise whilst continuing to attend to the meeting. And gradually the possibility opens up for the tension to dissipate, the meeting being experienced with greater clarity, the point being put across with greater refinement and when not speaking, to just sit back and watch the show.
Clear, assertive communication, free from overthinking and second-guessing, is something I need to cultivate. The science of neuroplasticity adheres to the ability of training the mind through repetition. Consequently, every skilful communication, irrespective of the context, can improve my communication at work. Then why not practice at the grocer’s too? Why not with my family?
With family
I’m going back home feeling a bit down. When I tell my wife how I feel my instinctive reaction will be to highlight that it’s not a problem and reassure her. This time I will try an experiment. I will put aside my overthinking and will simply state it clearly and with presence. I will not quantify the ‘low’, and I will not add the habitual “but it will be okay”. Let’s see.
“I’m feeling low”.
The response is amazing: acceptance and support. So nice to feel supported, so reassuring. We’ve empowered each other through vulnerability – I will remember this lesson.
Why am I writing this article?
There is an incredible wealth of interesting techniques to cultivate a more mindful state. Whilst I have explored a multitude, I have only touched the surface. They are becoming increasingly sophisticated and can be tailored to our aims, lifestyle and personalities. Surgically precise meditation exercises can improve our faculty of attention and response. A technique called 'Wim Hof Method*' can enable us to voluntarily activate the autonomic nervous system.
Each one of us will embrace 'mind training**' at some point. Now, in a year, in ten? I wonder...
I love talking about mindfulness. I love communicating what I’m learning from this practice and exchanging ideas. Every communication is my nourishment. When you’re interested, when you’re ready, please get in touch. Let’s help each other to grow.
* Link to scientific article here.
** Mind is defined as ‘the faculty of consciousness and thought’.
Survival is the most basic of human needs. Mikkel Juel Iversen is a film producer who runs a remarkable charity project, UnderOneSky which aims to support the homeless. He facilitated a very moving discussion at ConsciousCafe in London which was not just about being homeless but also about being human.
There are an estimated 8,000 people sleeping rough in London annually and many more who have no home but sleep as and where a friend or family can offer a bed. 85% of rough sleepers are men. And, in 2016, 270,000 people had a homelessness related case processed by their local council. For many of us, losing our home might be just one month and one pay-packet away.
90% of people who are sleeping rough have some form of mental health issue – including disorders which many of us will be familiar with such as depression, bi-polar or addiction. Aside from that, the message of the evening which came through loud and clear is that all of us are human beings. Homeless people are not ‘the other’. They are no different from any of us and are in that situation because of many different reasons which our society has been unable to help them with.
One of the group shared how she always carries some food – often fruit – to offer a homeless person when she is out and about. She likes to engage with people and will often speak with them. She might start the conversation by asking how they are, and then if they feel inclined to talk she will explore how they found themselves on the street and how they feel about that. One time she suggested a woman make contact with her father whom she had not seen for many years. Passing by a few weeks later, the woman told her she had been in touch with him and they were going to meet.
Sometimes a remark or a smile, nod or wink from a passing stranger can make all the different to a homeless person’s day.
Mikkel reminded us that everyone is an individual. Some days we want to talk to people and other days we don’t and so it is with all of us. If we walk with love, compassion and empathy, that is what we are bringing to the situation. If what we offer is not welcome, it is not about us.
Another group member shared that she had been homeless in her life. ‘It’s important for people who are homeless to know that they are not invisible’ she said.
Some of the people living on the streets have struggled with living in ‘chaotic’ households since they were very young. Some of them feel safer on the streets than in the homes they come from or in hostels where there can be no privacy and much drug-taking, drunkenness and abuse. It can be very hard for them to develop resilience and as soon as their lives improve a little, sometimes they self-destruct. Some people have had so much trauma in their lives, they simply can’t function.
Mikkel said that once a person becomes accustomed to sleeping rough, they develop a completely different set of survival skills to protect themselves. It is important not to measure people in that situation by the same yardstick that we might make judgments about our neighbours.
The most important thing to remember when engaging with people on the streets is to only do what feels right to us. We too need to be in touch with our gut instincts.
People who are homeless are on their own life journey in the same way that the rest of us are. When we meet them, we hold up a mirror very close to ourselves. This is an opportunity for each of us to reflect on how we are feeling when we engage or do not engage with strangers on the streets. We can question why we feel this way and what do we need to deal with in ourselves?
Living on the streets changes a person and all of us have to learn to let go of judgment.
This was such a powerful discussion with everyone contributing and listening. There was so much to reflect on and we continued talking over drinks afterwards. Each one of us left the evening feeling much more thoughtful and those of us who had not done so before resolved to take the first steps towards beginning to engage with people on the streets ‘when it feels right’.
Huge thanks to Mikkel for giving so generously of his time and for facilitating the discussion so gently. He started UnderOneSky six years ago as an initiative to offer support to homeless people sleeping rough particularly in winter when it is cold. His teams go out on the streets in groups with parcels containing a number of items including a small gift voucher which enables people to purchase everyday things which they might be acutely in need of.
If you would like to learn more and donate, please go to https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/2017-18-winter-support-for-london-s-homeless#/
If you would like to take part in the work of UnderOneSky or observe what is going on, you are welcome to join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/432122693577153/
JP
26.04.2018
Tamara Alferoff facilitated a memorable discussion at ConsciousCafe on the topic of Self-Love, on a freezing cold snowy night in London, at the end of February.
She started by telling us that when she googled the words ‘self-love’, there were 54 million results for it. Such a huge number.
Why are so many people wanting to explore the meaning of self-love at this time?
Tamara posed a number of ideas which we explored together.
She suggested that society’s obsession with the topic reflects back to us what is happening in our Western world today. Many people no longer experience the loving stability of their family as in previous times. The women’s movement has raised womens’ self-esteem but men now feel destabilised. Elderly people no longer feel part of the family unit while too many children are in care. Western society has lost its respect for mothering and for the importance of nurturing. Even people in solid relationships feel unworthy, not good enough in some way.
In addition we have few leaders and role-models in all walks of life who we respect. We live in a time of great change and upheaval and comfort ourselves with shallow gossip from the media. Positive politics does not seem to exist.
The topic of self-love in magazines focuses on pampering ourselves in spas with wine and selfies. But is that what we mean by self-love? Is it what we really want or need?
Where is the mirror that mirrors back to us that we are worthy, good human beings?
The group were fascinated by the deep connection of the ideas around self-love and its alignment with the changing social values in our contemporary Western society. It left us all with many important questions to reflect on.
After this powerful introduction, the group began to share their ideas and their wisdom. There were divergent viewpoints about the meaning of self-love. Does a lack of self-love illuminate our shadow? How do we love people and their shadows? Perhaps the real challenge with self-love is to find our own shadow, meet it and integrate it?
Is our lack of self-love also caused by a lack of meaning in our lives? Does too much material wealth cause people to lose their humanity and compassion and respect for themselves? Do we struggle with self-love when we do not have a powerful purpose in our lives to get us out of bed in the morning?
Perhaps the key to self-love is being totally present with ourselves on all occasions even though that is not always possible to achieve.
After much more discussion and exploration, we ended the evening with one of the participants sharing Elizabeth Jennings’ poem Delay and a gorgeous song which Tamara had downloaded for us: I Love Myself the Way I Am (Jai, Alice Altink)
Tamara’s parting gift was this lovely quote from a friend:
Self-love is the acceptance of who I am in the given moments. This means both times I see things I like about myself and those times when I am not a big fan.
Huge thanks to Tamara for her deep reflection and sharing on this powerful topic and to everyone who contributed to this memorable evening.
 |  |
| My indoor conservatory - the ornament shelf from London repurposed and now holding my collection of plants that I've grown from scratch. Very good feng shui - I have been growing like my plants !! |
For the last two years, since leaving my beloved London house, I have been setting up new foundations for myself. I am not even crystal-clear about what happens next but as Kevin Costner famously said "if you build it they will come".
Now that this new container is done, I am currently focusing on the details of creating order, one of life's essential support systems. Finding a place for everything and everything in its place. Oh the joy of being efficient and finding everything!
My diary is quite spacious at the moment and I am relishing having a long breather away from the fray .... but I can feel momentum gathering in the ether (like the faint rumble of stampeding hooves in the far distance). Let's see how this coming year unfolds.
I will be in San Francisco in February for Wisdom 2.0, again, a place where I truly find my tribe. It is my sixth time attending and I'm taking colleagues with me from London, Iceland, Germany and Sydney. Four of us have been working on a program leveraging the power and potency of reinvention. It is called "From Warrior to Warrior - How to Reinvent Yourself at Any Age and Take on the World". We are looking to arrange events and opportunities to speak while we are in San Francisco and California in February 20-28th. I am also hoping to have a chance to host a Women's Gathering there too. Do get in touch if you have suggestions. Thank you. Keep in touch via the Worrier to Warrior Facebook page.
Much of my life force in 2016 (just before the building mayhem took over my life) went into producing a series of The Rise of the Feminine radio programmes. A new series will be back this year .... so many of the conversations that I had 18 months ago are just now gathering real interest.
|  |
Finally, I want to share the news of my mentor, spiritual grandmother and friend Dadi Janki. She is 102 this month. Unbelievable, especially as she is still working (Head of the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University). Apparently she's just been to Southern India to open a new retreat centre and has been speaking to 500 people. We are expecting her in London in April...... so that is exciting. And the community of women who we recognised in the 100 Women of Spirit initiative to honour Dadi's 100 years, continues to gather pace. We are creating an event on June 16th to support young women and share the wisdom of older women with Millennials and vice versa! Let me know if you want an invite or know a young woman.
 |
What are they all waiting for??! |
ConsciousCafe has had a brilliant 2017.
In a year which has been fraught with unsettling challenges globally, it is clear that you want to come together and explore what is happening on the planet and in your own lives, with likeminded souls who are willing and happy to share different perspectives, personal experience and much wisdom.
During the year we launched several new groups and we now have 11 groups in total, 10 in different towns in the UK and 1 in Geneva. We will be launching more groups in 2018.
Our lovely conscious group leaders have given generously of their time and their energy to hold the space for all of you to meet. Huge thank you to Anne, Charlie, Britt, Simon, Cora, Debbie, Grace, Alan, Karen, Gina and Judy for coming from your hearts and giving so much of yourselves. Huge thanks also to Kate Cowan of FoxbrandMarketing and to Joyce Deen for their help with marketing and admin. ConsciousCafe would not exist without the generosity and commitment of all of you to the idea of raising consciousness all around us through conversation and deep connection.
We have heard so many stories of how the impact of our meeting together at ConsciousCafe ripples out and affects many many others in ways we often cannot imagine.
We send a huge thank you to all of you who have come to our events and taken part in our conversations this year. Truly ConsciousCafe is a magical space for so many of us and we feel very grateful that it exists in our lives.
Can you help?
We are looking for a lovely capable person to come from their heart and work alongside Judy in a voluntary capacity next year. Judy will continue to work with group leaders and would like to find someone to organise events in London. It’s a wonderful opportunity to help grow an organisation which is hugely valued by everyone who has the opportunity to connect with it.
If you are interested please write to info@consciouscafe.org enclosing your cv, listing your skills and telling us why you would be interested in working with ConsciousCafe.
We wish you all a fabulous break and much love in all your lives. We look forward to continuing our work of raising consciousness and connectedness on the planet with you in 2018.
Judy
ConsciousCafe Founder
The ConsciousCafe Skipton community at our first event in June
I really enjoy attending ConsciousCafe events in London, often held in founder Judy Piatkus’ lovely north London home. Of course it’s just not possible to attend the full programme of events as I no longer live in London. And I’m sure I’m not the only who loves the Conscious Cafe experience of meaningful conversation and heartfelt connection. There are an increasing number of us who want to bring a taste of it to our home towns around the UK. It’s selfish really ….. We don’t now have to travel to London to get our uplifting fix!
And so it was in June this year that ConsciousCafe Skipton was born. Another selfish reason behind me starting it was to find and connect with a tribe of local people who are interested in what I am passionate about … like-minded souls who enjoy thoughtful conversations about how we want to live life, what our values are and what we can do to help create a better world for everyone.
The first meeting of the new ConsciousCafe community in Skipton was held in June 19th at our adopted home of Hettie’s Cafe at the top of the High Street. We opened the evening with a circle where everyone shared who they were and what had inspire them to attend.
Why we all came together for ConsciousCafe here is a summary expressed by the group:
CONNECTION CURIOSITY COMMUNITY COMPANIONSHIP
As this first event was called “Can we afford to care about people and be kind?”, Gina Lazenby opened up the evening with a short slide presentation about Caring Economics, based on the book by lawyer and activist Dr Riane Eisler. Riane has been listed as one of twenty of the world’s great peacemakers (along with Luther King and Ghandi) and her book ‘Caring Economics: The Real Wealth of Nations’ has been an inspiration to Gina and her work in writing about healthy living and also feminine values and leadership. Gina said Riane’s work brought together her two passions of caring for well-being through our homes and the contribution to society by women. Gina says, “The key premise of Riane’s work is that society measures and values the wrong things. It is time for us to put Caring and Care-giving into the spotlight as it underpins everything else in society.”
Riane points out that GDP measures everything except the contribution made by community work and volunteering; stewardship of nature and the natural world; and the daily work of home-making and bringing up children. Without these free, unpaid, undocumented and undervalued activities the world would simply cease functioning. There is such a warped bias in our economic system that GDP actually increases when bad things happen … clearing up after an oil tanker disaster might decimate wildlife which has no economic value on a country’s balance sheet but it creates extra wealth through clean-up costs and legal action. We are simply measuring the wrong things. Anything that is not counted and measured is then not valued.
One of the key premises of Caring Economics is understanding how societies are shaped in one of two ways … either as Hierarchies with each level of an ascending pyramid held in place by fear and control. In this system, patriarchy rules and there is always one gender, ethnicity, nation, sexuality that has priority over another. In this worldview, any contribution provided by a lower value gender … women … is seen as being of less value. That means the caring and care-giving work, undertaken by both men and women, which is seen as being feminine, has a lower economic value and less impact. At the other end of a continuum, collaboration thrives under the Partnership way where power is used to empower and support each other and not to hold people back by having power over someone else. Riane says that organisations, countries and societies are all, in some way, moving along the continuum towards partnership and away from hierarchical control. The whole planet is a work in progress on this score!
So, from this, with the understanding that caring and care-giving are not seen by society as having economic value, we can understand why jobs in this field attract such low pay and low prestige. Our ConsciousCafe community broke out into discussion groups and covered questions around humanity’s self-interest, what younger people are looking for, what’s in the process of changing, who is responsible for change, rewarding kindness in business life, the degree to which people work hard, educating children to think differently ….. in fact a list of questions we could have spent a weekend debating. We created much food for thought!
The subject of the evening ‘caring and valuing care-giving’ attracted quite a few people to attend who actually work in the health and caring industries. We heard about the needs of patients & clients becoming ever greater and more complex in an ageing population. Although it was difficult to find resolutions and come up with answers, many people felt comforted just by being able to share their experience of the caring system and hearing each other’s stories meant that they felt validated. There was a consensus that important conversations needed to be had. By sharing different perspectives and opinions we all wake up and recognise that change will happen through a process and not by one single decision or action.
Summary: Even though the subject is overwhelmingly complex and there was no greater clarity we did feel we had a greater understanding about the future and there was still a sense of hope that things will change, either because we are heading for breakdown and out of that total chaos, radical change will have to emerge … or because, the younger millennial generations prioritise much more compassionate values and so demonstrate that they could be behind the much-needed shift that their older superiors are not able to grasp. This is a summary of some of the points that emerged in a topic that we all agreed was endless and stimulating when the community reconvened for a group sharing.
Some individual feedback about the first ConsciousCafe evening in Skipton:
“Great night, I really enjoyed myself.”
“The conversation flowed quickly and even though we did not know each other, it felt easy.”
“I have been suffering from career fatigue but I am feeling invigorated by tonight’s sharing and insights.”
“Really nice to have the opportunity to step back, get away from the detail and get a sense of the big picture.”
“I have been feeling angry but I recognise this can be good if I use it. I want to keep the fight going!”
“These conversations have confirmed that my life changes are putting me on the right path. I am inspired.”
“I feel really nourished by tonight.”
“A great place to have an honest conversation.”
Gina Lazenby
ConsciousCafe Skipton Leader
ConsciousCafe founder Judy Piatkus was quoted in a recent piece published in The Guardian. Sales of mind, body and spirit books are booming this year. Judy thinks this is a reflection of how society is changing. She believes that people are questioning how we live, what is working and what is not working. Younger people are growing up with a different set of values and this is reflected in the growth of sales in this area of the book market.
This is all good news for people who come to ConsciousCafe and want to explore all these new ideas with one another, helping each other to raise consciousness and awareness of change as we journey forward together.
ConsciousCafe is here to stay. Its our 6th Anniversary year and we have had amazing expansion in the last 12 months. New groups have opened in Canterbury, Dorchester, Geneva, Skipton and Bristol to add to the ones we already had in Oundle, New Forest, Bath and London. Now we are poised for more launches this autumn in Plymouth, Liverpool and SW London.
There was a lot to celebrate and our party was held in the main room with bar at The Lib-rary, a social club in St Martins Lane, near Charing Cross. There was a great atmosphere as people arrived and greeted old friends and were introduced to new people who they hadn’t met before.
True to ConsciousCafe style, we wanted to spend part of the evening in reflection. Thought-leader, author and international speaker Jude Jennison, who works with executive boards and leadership teams, is writing a book on coping with uncertainty and she presented us with several themes to reflect on in groups. What are the challenges of living and working with uncertainty? How do you remain grounded when you live with uncertainty? What strategies can you use to help?
Jude gave examples from her own life. It is important to be open to uncertainty as we never know what the future will hold for us. Six years ago she was afraid of horses. Now she partners with them daily and coaches teams of leaders to learn new skills. Horses give clear feedback and have no agenda and can therefore help people to gain more self-awareness and understanding as they see their own behaviour mirrored by the horses.
There was fantastic energy in the room as we shared our fears and our hopes. Uncertainly has always formed part of the human journey. It will always be with us. But it does seem magnified at the moment. Some people cope by enhancing their deep connections with the people they love; others want to spend more time in nature; some people turn to their spiritual practice. Gratitude also featured for when we appreciate all that we have been given, it can be easier to live in uncertain times.
The evening ended with more food and drink – we had an open bar which was included in the ticket price – so the drink kept flowing until the end of the evening when the tab ran out and it was time to leave the party. It gave us all a lovely feeling of abundance as we enjoyed the deep sense of connection with one another that ConsciousCafe offers.
Here’s to another year of success for ConsciousCafe as we all work together to raise awareness of the human need for love, connection and understanding both for ourselves and for our beautiful planet.
Judy Piatkus with grateful help from Dr Phyllis SantaMaria’s notes
3 July 2017
One of the saddest things about being human is that it takes the most painful events to awaken us to our humanity.
We can't appreciate our most joyful moments without having had great sadness to contrast them with.
On a global level there are times when the whole world suffers together and when everyone on the planet shares joy together. The consequences of climactic disasters, the sadness and pain of events such as 9/11 and 3/11, the Japanese Tsunami, and the horrendous unnecessary wars, started by those who are greedy for power and money, contrasts with the admiration we feel when we see remarkable feats of heroic endurance, explorers conquering new frontiers, tech inventors creating products which make our lives easier and scientists developing new cures which will enable us to live longer.
We experience this duality on a national level too. Remember the highs so many of us felt during the 2012 Olympics when the whole nation came together to celebrate our great sporting heroes and show London off to its best. Contrast that with the pain and sorrow of the last few days when only the hardest of hearts could fail to be unmoved by the recent unfolding tragic events.
In the past few days, arising from the Grenfell tragedy, we have witnessed the very best of human nature responding to greed, negligence and the most selfish, unheeding and uncaring human characteristics.
I understand that this is emotional duality which we are here to experience and which gives us the opportunity to learn our greatest lessons.
Unfolding events are bringing people together to fight for and demand a better, fairer world and technology makes it easier for us to join with others and respond as one in times of great crisis.
This week we are united in sadness as each one of us in our own personal way, honours the souls of those who died so the rest of us might learn from what they have gone through and do our best to try to be better human beings.
It was a beautiful English summer day when our eclectic ConsciousCafe group set off from Hampstead tube station for our first ‘Walk and Talk’ event on Hampstead Heath.
The Heath terrain is steep in parts and passes through ancient woodland areas with natural paths and wide green open spaces. Only a few of us had met before and we chatted with each other as we experienced the diverse natural pleasures of the Heath. We were on our way to Kenwood House, an elegant former stately home surrounded by a large estate with landscaped gardens. Its a great favourite with local people as well as with tourists.There’s something especially relaxing about meeting new people when you are out for a walk. Thoughtful enjoyable conversations were taking place between all of us and it didn’t feel as though we had only met each other just a short while before.
We wandered round the Kenwood grounds, admiring the lake and the views, before relaxing with a drink at the open-air café. It was such a fabulous day that most of us were not in the mood for exploring inside the house, preferring to save that pleasure for a second visit in a colder season.
Our route home took us past The Creamery, a small white building on a little hill near the main House which used to be the dairy for the estate. You can still see the equipment that was used at the time. The views from The Creamery of the fields, trees and estate are as natural now as they would have been two hundred years ago. No wonder it is such a popular location for film-makers of dramas, both historical and contemporary. Notting Hill had a scene shot here as did Belle and the new film, Hampstead, coming out soon, has some fantastic shots of the heath, Kenwood and surrounding area as it is based on a true story set in Hampstead.
We ended our visit with a look at Whitestone Pond, which some say is the highest point in London, before wending our way back down the hill towards Hampstead village. All of us agreed it had been an ideal day for the walk and we will have a lovely shared memory of the first ConsciousCafe event in nature.
Judy
ConsciousCafe FounderA lively group of people gathered to enjoy a wide-ranging and thoughtful discussion on the topic of ‘What is Truth’?
While ConsciousCafe isn’t a physical space, this time we were meeting in a café/bar and so it was a fun ambience for a serious topic.
Our expert facilitator Caroline Shola Arewa led us in a meditation and then posed some questions to set us thinking. Everyone had some ideas to share and it soon became clear that ‘truth’ means many different things both to different people and at different times of our lives.
Strong themes that came through were the importance of recognising that people can experience the same event but their personal truth about the event will be different. Communication is very important in order to understand each others' different point of view of what their truth actually means to them.
Truth can also change with time. Many years later, with more age, wisdom and understanding what appeared to be true in the past can sometimes be seen in a different light. We realised also that much of what each one of us might regard as personal truth is sometimes more perception than actual truth.
The prime quality of truth is that it resonates inside, connects with your heart, feels good. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find the truth as it is buried under the clutter.
Some people are so sure of the rightness of their views that they become convinced they are true in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Others twist the facts to suit their own agenda. While these are much discussed topics at the present moment, we recognised that throughout history there have always been some human beings who have behaved in that way.
After exploring personal truths, Shola shared ideas about the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism and what truth meant for her personally. We explored some of the ancient wisdoms about Truth.
Finally we came to some conclusions. Several of us felt that as we have become older, we feel ‘we know nothing’. Others had recognised that as soon as they let go of having to be right and having a need to defend their opinions, life had become much easier, for, in truth, we all hold different opinions and ideas about the world which we regard as true. As soon as we can let go of our need to be right and tolerate and respect different points of view, the world will become a much more peaceful place.
There were cheers and applause at the ConsciousCafe Geneva launch last night when I announced that the evening marked the first International ConsciousCafe. What followed was a great night in the spirit of ConsciousCafe’s everywhere in the UK … twenty-two likeminded people coming together to enjoy thoughtful discussion; deep connection with other people; and, from the happy atmosphere and immediate feedback, leaving energized and positive.
We took as our theme ConsciousCafe’s aim to raise global consciousness one conversation at a time asking the question “what does this mean and how can conversation achieve it?” It was apparently a good starter question and from the beginning everyone engaged in animated discussions. We talked and shared at tables of four or five with people moving around after 20 minutes to make new connections and conversations. We have a beautiful collection of illustrated table mats which reveal how broad and deep the discussions roamed.
This was an uplifting start to ConsciousCafe Geneva, proving that one can have profound discussions with new acquaintances in a very enjoyable and heartening way. I particularly relished the fact that we were from a wide range of age groups and life experience.
The next ConsciousCafe Geneva will be Wednesday 26th April and personally, I can’t wait.
Debbie King, Geneva Organiser.
ConsciousCafe’s London group were treated to a very inspiring evening at the end of January when Deborah Henley demonstrated how we can inspire ourselves and others by using our emotional intelligence and a variety of other techniques.
In a concise two hour presentation and interactive session Deborah offered so many inspiring ideas that soon all of us were firing on different cylinders. Each of us was invited to share a time when we had unexpectedly been inspired. Our combined experiences showed that a challenging event could often become the catalyst for a change in our lives that could inspire us to make our best decisions. I especially liked Margaret’s story of how she was inspired to change direction in her career when she found herself driving the wrong way round a one-way system.
Our emotional intelligence skills come into play when we consider ourselves in relation to others. We need to have an awareness of our own emotions and how we respond to different situations and we need the skills of self-managing our emotional state.
At the same time we need to be aware of other people’s emotions and to be able to tune into to how they are feeling or to what the atmosphere is in the culture we are working in e.g. if there are a lot of politics in a particular organisation. In relation to others our skills can be seen in the way we communicate our message, manage conflict and above all, in how we show up to inspire others with our presence.
Deborah shared a wide range of ideas and the group contributed thoughts and experiences. My favourite exercise was when we had the opportunity to imagine a future hypothetical personal dream had taken place. (Apparently this exercise is often used by hypnotherapists). I was inspired by a vision of the opening of a building, dedicated solely to ConsciousCafe where we could all meet up. I had a clear vision of what it would look like, how it would feel and how it would be used and I was able to communicate my enthusiasm and inspiration very easily to my partner. Now we just have to make it happen!
Many thanks once again to Deborah Henley for giving so generously of her time to present this event for us at ConsciousCafe. Deborah’s new website is under construction but you can find and follow her on @Deborahhenley
As I listen to news from around the world constantly filled with reports about people attacking others physically as well as verbally, it often seems surreal; even unbelievable. Open prejudice and violence, which causes injury and often death, are painful to witness for those of us who choose love over hate.
The majority of us – like myself - look on, horrified, from the sidelines, as events beyond our control make us feel powerless.
As a professional problem solver until recently, I found the powerlessness beyond frustrating because I couldn’t see a way for good to triumph over evil. I experienced huge relief when a feeling like a light went on in my head as I considered how different life on earth would be if we focus on that which is within our control. We should concentrate on mindfully loving more, hating less and doing random acts of kindness for each other because we can. Whilst that may seem a naïve concept, my attention remains with it. It made me wonder if the conscious ones amongst us could band together with love on the agenda, no matter what religion, and turn the tide on hate and fear.
I decided to discuss it with Judy Piatkus who several years ago set up a network, ConsciousCafe, which gives people the opportunity to engage in conscious conversations with likeminded others, to raise awareness of all that is meaningful in our lives.
Synchronistically, the very next day I received an invitation to a conference ConsciousCafe were holding in London on 27 November on the topic of Raising the Vibration of Love. It brought together leading-edge thinkers, opinion-makers, authors, therapists and respected senior executives to explore ways of reducing fear and increasing the expression of love in our lives with a common goal of making the world a better place. I bought a ticket in a heartbeat as it felt like a group I wanted to be part of.
The conference was opened by Elif Shafak, author of several non-fiction works and ‘mystical realism’ novels, whose bestseller Forty Rules of Love has sold a million copies and blew me away with joy when I first read it a few years ago. Elif highlighted the fact that knowledge and information are different from wisdom, which requires emotional intelligence. She emphasised that we should allow ourselves to be changed by love and that empathy is the key to positive change, promoting less violence.
On personal love Elif played with the idea that we may have unrealistic expectations that one person can fulfil all of our needs. Maybe validating our loved one for what he or she does bring to the relationship, and choosing wise friends to fulfil our other needs is the way forward for a successful loving relationship. Not surprisingly there were many questions after that which Elif responded to with great wisdom.
Elif’s thought-provoking words were followed by a panel discussion which focused on love in the workplace. Leading experts Oonagh Harpur, Norman Pickavance and Francis Briers, chaired by Judith Clegg reflected on how individuated many have become through technology. Yet through re-connectivity we can raise our consciousness and by doing so open ourselves up to empathy and learn more about meeting each other’s needs. The panel shared stories of initiatives connecting people worldwide and giving them a voice to generate ideas and collaborative action.
After a networking lunch I took part in a workshop facilitated by Dr Dina Glouberman on intimate relationships. Other people chose sessions about embodying love in everyday life or expressing love through art. These were followed by a World Café session where we moved from table to table, engaging with others at a very deep level as we considered how we could each and collectively raise the vibration of love in our own lives as well as in the world.
The day ended with a guided meditation from Tom Fortes Mayer accompanied by singing and music from Virginia Thorn who sounded like an angel.
I had arrived at the conference tired from a punishing week. I came away feeling energised and clear. I felt increased certainty about my own abilities and mindful of the positive outcomes resulting from likeminded group initiatives. I felt significantly increased optimism about the chance, if together we step up in the name of love, that we could ensure good will triumph over evil, enabling us to thrive together on our beautiful planet.
The power of the day was palpable. Apart from examining the power of raising the vibration of love, I made a number of connections with people I hope to collaborate with and learn from. I am already looking forward to my next encounter with ConsciousCafe.
Videos of Elif Shafak speaking at the ConsciousCafe Conference and of the business panel will be posted on Youtube and on the ConsciousCafe website shortly. Raising the Vibration of Love was ConsciousCafe’s first conference. www.consciouscafe.org
Following our very powerful September event facilitated by Claudia Roth of Soul Luxury, when we explored the new way of doing business which is learning to ‘allow’, Claudia has shared this blog with us:
My reality was shaken when I was in Auroville in the south of India last November! For many years (even decades) I created this special self-image called Claudia Roth, a successful global business leader who much enjoyed a career in luxury hospitality. I was very proud of my self-image which I curated with passion and careful attention.
Something profound happened!
No doubt you’ve heard people saying, ‘This is who I am and I won’t change!’ Leaders who maintain this position are unconsciously admitting they can’t see beyond their self-image.
To be fixated by self-image means to be non-creative and, in essence, limited to a defined set of often rigid thought processes and beliefs; this has consequences for all aspects of life.
Without realising it, many of us have created identities – or self-images – of ourselves.
Perhaps you have an image of yourself as important, as a successful businessperson, as ambitious and competent, or as someone who has all the answers. This sort of identity, built up over years, governs your view of the world more than you realise.
Jim Morrison – lead singer of The Doors – said: “We're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains.”
Holding onto this adopted identity is like wearing a professional mask; with it in place, either in business or in life, you are not allowing yourself to be truly authentic and importantly, you are limiting yourself to new awareness so as to evolve as a business leader and individual.
Is it possible to maintain a professional identity or self-image for years and not even be aware of it? Trust me, I speak from experience – I only realised that ‘the other’ persons were there (yes ... you read correctly .... we have not only one self image but several!) when I began to question why I thought and reacted in the ways that I did.
Indeed, it is only when we start exploring our genuine thoughts, reactions, emotions and ways of living that we can begin to live in the truest sense of ourselves. And if you have reaffirmed and energised a mask successfully for many years, it can be a painstaking process to dismantle it to discover who you really are!
So, why would you want to move beyond this learned identity – your cherished self-image – especially if it has been serving you well for many years as in my instance?
The more authentic you become, the more you step into your ‘space of greatness’. You no longer pretend to be somebody else, running on ‘patterns’ or be guided to uphold your self-images. Instead you connect to your inner wisdom, which then guides you throughout your life.
As you explore your self-image, you will start challenging certain beliefs and removing others that may be limiting you. You will find yourself wanting to know the world for what it actually is, rather than what you believe it to be. You will become curious again. Creativity and inspiration will flourish as a result, becoming assets both in your life and your business. Unimaginable opportunities are unfolding!
Embarking on this process isn’t easy. It won’t provide a quick fix to all of life’s challenges. But it is a powerful experience that will connect you to your truth and inner wisdom, where you will find contentment, joy and guidance, and your next level of personal and business success.
I will be returning to Auroville soon again .... The story continues.
1. Start off by naming the labels you give to yourself. For example, “I am a successful, highly in demand, creative and outspoken manager.” Write down your labels.
2. Identify the labels you wish to dissolve and make a commitment to move closer to your ideal life situation.
3. Create some time for reflection, to explore what lies behind the labels you identify.
4. Pay attention to the story you create when you look in the mirror: do you create a negative or a positive self-image, or an over-inflated self-image guided by ego?
5. Observe your opinions: what you say, how you say it, the likes and dislikes you use to reinforce your self-image. Do you judge fairly or based on pre-conceived ideas?
6. Explore how tied you are to your memories: whether good or bad, acting in response to memories can lead to inauthentic results, from irrational fears to rose-tinted actions.
7. Take time to assess how your story, opinions, actions and reactions would be if you created them anew based on what you actually see, think and feel.
Enjoy discovering yourself! Awareness creates choice.
A little about me: I am grateful to look back at a successful, global and hugely rewarding international career in the luxury hospitality & travel industry. I have learned what luxury is and what it is not. I understand service excellence, and I know what it is not! I have travelled the world in style and had many enjoyable moments of living a corporate career.
Having now moved on from corporate life, my network describes me as a global pioneer in luxury and consciousness. People are seeking increased meaning and connection – in their lives and the brands they align with. But whether an individual or a company, true connection can only come from within: from an exploration of awareness and an unwavering commitment to authenticity and integrity.
I am the founder and Managing Director of Soul Luxury, a company operating globally that helps businesses understand these evolutionary shifts and create their own new currency of connection within themselves and with their clients.
I write articles from time to time. There is no right or wrong, it is only a view. Up to now largely my silent view.
Claudia Roth
Copyright © 2016 Soul Luxury.
The US election is nearing its conclusion. Whatever happens now, November 2016 will be a landmark date in history. For the ugliness of this election has exposed the failure of the US democratic process in that two highly unsuitable and unpopular candidates have polarised views and torn the American nation apart.
During the next week many unprecedented events may happen and each time the whole world will be shaken up. The leadership of the American nation affects every single one of us.
It has taken me a while to realise that while I do not endorse either candidate, Donald Trump's significant role in this election and in the future of humanity has been to awaken millions of people all over the world to the failure of the democratic system. If he were not an outsider and the kind of person he has shown himself to be, he would never have had the thick skin to stand up to the vitriol directed at him (most of it of course, rightly) and would not have become this year's presidential candidate. Hillary has been supported throughout by the mainstream media. But it is Donald who pulls in the crowds because he is expressing what so many Americans feel - that their country and their media and their governmental structures are not working for them. For that reason millions of people are able to forgive his many character flaws because they have recognised that America needs to change and they only see Donald as offering that hopeful possibility to them.
We do not know what will happen during the next fortnight. Whatever the news may bring, it is important to stay centred and calm and not to give our energy over to fear or to anxiety. Instead we can choose to focus on a vision of love, kindness, tolerance, peace, joy and all the good things that every human being wants to have in their lives. We can focus on those things not just for ourselves but for everyone all over the world and especially all those who are struggling to survive and those who are living in war-torn nations.
Each time you find yourself giving way to a darker thoughts, remind yourself to focus on positive energy, rather than negative. Raise your energy as high as you can for that is the only way to create a better world for all of us. Whatever may happen during the next fortnight we need to focus on whatever comes to pass being in the best interests of all of humanity (even though we may not recognise it at the time) and we must set our intention and our hopes for that to be achieved.
I have been re-visiting my ideas about mindfulness in the last few days in preparation for an event which I am facilitating.
I first came across the term ‘mindfulness’ many years ago when I was sent an early copy of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book, Wherever You go, There You Are, with a view to my being the UK publisher for it. Jon Kabat-Zinn had taken ideas from ancient Buddhist practices and explored how to make them accessible to the mainstream. He believed that Western society had lost touch with the universal human qualities of paying attention and living with awareness.
This was 1994 and the thinking behind the book was all completely new to us at Piatkus. We had published books on meditation but this was so much more.
In the introduction the author explains that ‘wherever you go, there you are. Whatever you are thinking right now, that’s what’s on your mind.’ It looks at first like a simple observation but in fact it requires much practice and self-awareness to observe your thoughts in this way. The important question we must each ask ourselves is how best to respond to any given situation in which we find ourselves and the answer to that question lies in responding with your full awareness to whatever is going on for you right there in that moment.
Whatever has happened has already happened. The future is unknown. When we can truly learn to live in the present, to ‘be in touch with where we already are’, then we are in a situation where we have the most to gain for we can understand more of ‘the truth’ of what we are really experiencing and ideally respond with wisdom and heartfelt understanding.
I took the book to the editorial meeting and we were all keen to go ahead. But the ideas were so new at the time, that we thought we would need to change the title of the book or we would have difficulty in selling it into the bookshops (this was long before the days of amazon). Accordingly we retitled it Mindfulness Meditation for Everyday Life. We printed an initial edition of 3000 copies. The Daily Mail wrote a piece about it which resonated so profoundly that the book sold out within a week. It nevertheless took many years before it was taken up by psychotherapists as a tool to help their patients and subsequently the concept of mindfulness found its way into the NHS and after that became mainstream.
Now mindfulness has become an industry. People know that practising mindfulness is good for them but they are not sure why. It takes time to become mindful of who we are as individuals, how we respond to different situations in the way that we do, whether we are truly living our lives the way we want to, whether we are living from our hearts.
Mindfulness has been an extraordinary gift to the world. and the gifts it offers are available to each and every one one of us every day of our lives – as long as we are aware when we are truly ‘there’.
For those interested you can click here to purchase or review Jon Kabat - Zinn's book: Wherever You Go, There You Are.
ConsciousCafe celebrated its 5th birthday at the beginning of July with a lively party for 50 people. 6 of them had been at the original ConsciousCafe group launch in 2011.
Kenny and Judy jointly compered and introduced Viv Garbe who opened the party with a beautifully delivered meditation to bring peace to the world.
We then took 2 minutes to introduce ourselves to someone in the room whom we had never met before to ask the question ‘How did you become spiritual?’ This led to some beautiful stories and sharing moments.
In typical ConsciousCafe style everyone was then offered discussion options. Choices included ‘Where does Happiness come from?’ or ‘Who are you?’ and for those who felt like something more lighthearted, you could choose a miscellaneous card with a provocative question on it and explore that in groups.
It was a bright summers evening and light seemed to stream through the windows and fill the room. We shared another short meditation and a moving closing circle, taking time to celebrate everyone connecting for this lovely anniversary. The moment was captured with a group photo and we all sang 'Happy Birthday'.
By then we were all starving and enjoyed supper, more conversation and birthday cake.
It was truly a special evening, beautifully captured with many excellent photos by Jon, which you can find on our Facebook page, here.
Illuminating the ShadowDavid Furlong’s latest book, Illuminating the Shadow, is a wonderful, erudite account of the human psyche, particularly in its wounded and hidden aspects. First we are introduced to the concept of the Shadow in films, literature, myth, metaphor and Fairy Tales, before learning how it manifests at a personal, public and collective level. Finally, we are taught how to learn from and integrate this aspect of ourselves, and of the human condition.Illuminating the Shadowis full of practical insights drawn from Furlong’s work as a therapist, with exercises to help the reader explore and make peace with him or herself. It is the sort of book that deserves more than one reading; that asks to be borrowed and lent so that the wisdom contained within can be shared as widely as possible.
Dr Fiona Bowie, King’s College London & the Afterlife Research Centre
author of the best selling Anthropology of Religion (Blackwell)
****
Illuminating the Shadow explores a rich breadth of academic knowledge and everyday life experience with great depth and wisdom. Scholarly exposition of shadow through history, the arts and sciences provides far-reaching insights for human nature and global society. Story, myth and metaphor show how we express and try to understand our own complexity, divine mystery and the struggle between good and evil at personal and collective levels. And bringing dark psyche into the light shows shadow in relief, not to be eliminated but illuminated since, in its vital integrative function, it is both teacher and healer. Therapeutic examples and exercises in shadow work demonstrate the journey into light and compassionate love, with free will continuously informed by evolving consciousness, that points us towards full relationship with the living human God, and with our selves and each other. For the advancement of mental and spiritual health, this eminently practical book deserves a wide readership.
Dr David McDonald, Consultant Psychiatrist and Advisor in the Church of England’s Healing Ministry
To purchase from Amazon, click below:
The indoors Wormwood Scrubs Pony Centre was built as part of Anneka Rice’s Challenge programme in the ‘80s and does incredibly important work to improve the lives of disabled people. 40 of us arrived there on a warm light summer evening, excited as to what we might learn and some of us a little apprehensive having never worked alongside horses before.
How do we Lead in a time of Uncertainty
Jude explained that we can learn a lot about leadership from horses because they have no agenda. Working with horses is working with uncertainty and as all leaders must work with uncertainty, the horses mirror how each of us leads in situations and times of uncertainty.
Four volunteers chose to work with two beautiful horses and each of them took a turn leading one of the horses around the arena while the audience observed closely their leadership style. Leading a horse can be difficult for no one knows how the horses will respond. Each volunteer revealed how the experience had felt for them and what they had learned.
What Part do We Play in the Team?
Jude and Emma then invited all the participants into the arena with the horses and gave each of us the opportunity to explore how we lead – from the front, from the side or from behind. They presented new ways of thinking about our position in the team and gave us the opportunity to experience how this felt as we all took part in a simple group exercise.
In a final task, all those who particularly wanted to work with the horses stayed in the arena and completed an activity which involved working in teams and leading the horses through an obstacle course. As I watched this final exercise from the audience stand, I felt a lump come into my throat. People who had never met before had worked beautifully as a team with two very wise animals to move in seamless flow and harmony. I thought that the exercise also reflected the energy of people who come to ConsciousCafe, trusting, present, intuitive, thoughtful, caring.
At the end of the session everyone had the opportunity to be with the horses in the arena and to share in groups what they had experienced and what they had learned about their own leadership style and capabilities. Everyone departed the event with new knowledge about themselves, learned in the most memorable and unique way.
Huge thanks to Jude and Emma for giving their time and for sharing their expertise. If you want to learn more, you can read Jude’s book Leadership Beyond Measure, details of which are on the books page at ConsciousCafe. Emma told us the remarkable story of the Pony centre and if you would like to volunteer there, you can learn more here.
Judy
ConsciousCafe Founder
Since then ConsciousCafe has run more than 75 discussion groups and workshops and a retreat as well. A few hundred people have attended our events – all of them hearing about what ConsciousCafe offers by word-of-mouth as we have only begun to advertise our events publicly in the last few months.
Our passion is for community, connection and exploration – all in an atmosphere of lightheartedness. We have never taken ourselves too seriously. As a result, many wonderful friendships have been formed and fabulous connections made.
As one member has said ‘its so good to walk into a room and meet so many people who immediately understand where you are coming from and what you are saying’.
Now we are spreading our wings. We invite you to join us on this journey as all of us contribute what we can to creating a better world by raising consciousness about who we are and how we live, one conversation at a time.
We have some fabulous events lined up for the next few months and more will be added very soon. Book now and take advantage of our Earlybird discounts. Last year we had three events which sold out completely and while we usually have space at the last moment, some of the venues we use are strict about numbers.
Thank you to everyone who has been on the journey so far and especially to all our Supporters who come to our events and who have contributed financially to help us build this site and to the ConsciousCafe volunteer group who offer so much of their time to helping build the network. Last but not least massive thanks are due to Gary of Studio74 Creative Design for being so easy to work with, Kate Cowan of Fox Brand Marketing for her constant inspiration and to Joyce Deen who works tirelessly behind the scenes keeping the show on the road. We love all of you and we look forward to seeing you at ConsciousCafe soon.
Judy
ConsciousCafe Founder
Sara Troy of Positive Living interviews our own Judy Piatkus about ConsciousCafe, how it started and where it's going, Judy's worldview and also a segment on self-publishing versus traditional publishing towards the end. (more…)
Does the word conscious make you switch on or turn off?
Last night I went to an interactive discussion around Conscious Leadership with a group of 30 other people who were invited through ConsciousCafe, a select group run by entrepreneur, motivational speaker and founder of publishing company Piatkus Books, Judy Piatkus. For some time now, Judy has been keen to explore the group's thoughts, feelings and bias towards the use of the term 'conscious leader'.
What I particularly liked about the evening was that the facilitator Judy had (well) chosen, Charlie Efford, didn’t at any point seek to influence or tell us what he thought conscious leadership actually meant, which to me was a good example of conscious leadership in action. (more…)
By Joseph Jaworski, with an introduction by Peter Senge.
This is a book that has been mentioned to me, on many occasions, by close friends and colleagues. And for years, I believed that “I didn’t need to read it”. I was so wrong. A copy of it happened to be on one of my friend’s shelves during a brief visit to Holland this summer. I picked it up and browsed through it. A number of words immediately caught my eye – one of those was “dialogue”, as Jaworski had the immense privilege of meeting and chatting with the physicist, David Bohm, one afternoon in London and I am particularly interested in ‘dialogue’. Almost immediately I found myself reading large sections of it. I bought a copy on my return home and now consider it to be one of the best books I have ever read about surrendering to life and learning to respond to what it needs from us, rather than egoistically believing that we can plan, control and manipulate it to our advantage.
The charm of Jaworski’s story is that it is his own, personal story. He was a successful North American lawyer from a famous family of lawyers, and the promise of a successful life ahead of him - until the day his wife suddenly asked him for a divorce. He was in his early 40’s. His world crashed around him and he was faced with having to construct a new one. Within that process, he found himself again, and re-discovered ways to connect with his intuition and the natural flow of life.
Many good things happened to him personally and professionally from then on.
His life is particularly interesting if you are interested in the subject of leadership. As a result of a series of very interesting events and encounters – what some might describe as “coincidences” - , Jaworski found himself “called” to fund the American Leadership Forum. He was then headhunted to lead the now very famous scenario building team at Shell headquarters in the UK.
This book offers some great tips on how to be, learn, intuit and change, and work in partnership with life – not against it, or in spite of it... One tip that will remain with me is to nurture the courage to act on what we sense. In particular, to reach out to people we meet and immediately “know” from the moment we first see them – without knowing why or how. That is how Jaworski met his second wife – in an airport, of all places - and many other key figures on his journey. We often allow our mind to hold us back, out of fear, or out of respect to social norms. Jaworski’s life story shows that life can be more rewarding when we trust and follow our inner knowing and allow ourselves to connect with others, only because we sense we need to – not because we need something specific from them - ; thus, we are able to allow life to unfold according to its natural, benevolent flow.
The moral of the story? Good things happen when we listen to our inner voice or follow our intuition – when we are connected to it...
Review by Caroline Pakel, from to the heart, a creative problem solving agency facilitating understanding and change for groups and individuals. www.totheheart.com
Do you remember learning to ride a bike?
I do. Mark Rogers from no. 25 taught me in our street, in front of all the neighbours. I remember the moment of panic as I suddenly realised that I was riding on my own, without stabilisers or Mark holding on to the back of my seat. I wobbled and nearly fell, not because I didn’t have the balance or skill, but because every thought in my panicked head began: ‘am I?’
The moment I became secure was the moment I learned to say “I am!”
Do you remember when you first learned to swim without water wings in the deep end of the swimming pool? Alan, my ex-flatmate / ex-business partner taught me. I remember swimming beyond the shallow end, realizing that the water below me was far deeper than the length of my legs. I could have felt panic. I could have felt terror. When I disengaged from it and thought about it, I felt fear. But when I engaged with my stroke, breathing into the present moment, I allowed it to carry me. I felt myself float and I swam with the calm and joy of a Buddhist dolphin.
This article is about two states which I call ‘am I?’ and “I am”. The two perspectives on life that we can take in our every moment, either consciously or unconsciously. I hope it will help you to recognise which state you are in at any given moment. I’d like to share a few tricks on how to change state from ‘am I?’ into one of “I am”. Here’s a run-down:
‘Am I?’ is driven by an external sense of self. The feeling that who we are is determined by others, as we hand our power over to them. Often it arises from our dated doubts and fears, paranoia and projected fantasy expectations. It leaves us in a constant state of doing – reacting, spinning plates and putting on a good show, troubleshooting life as we attract trouble to shoot.
‘Am I?’ attracts repetitive unhelpful patterns and same old unsatisfactory outcomes. It’s a life lived in survival mode. It’s a life lived in fear and panic, dodging judgement and abandonment. ‘Am I?’ has us shallow breathing, power-thinking, panic-reacting, second-guessing, uptight, on our guard, ready to fight, flight or freeze.
This self-preservation instinct has, no doubt, helped billions of people survive life-threatening situations, but how do we let our inner protectors know that the war is over – that it’s safe now? Once we progress beyond living in survival mode, our old protective shields can turn into tight little cages that restrict our lives from growing. Such control leaves little, if any room for who I am to take root and flower.
In my 25 years of work in this arena, the most frequent concern I have heard from men is a lack of control. I have met men who would rather kill themselves than be out of control. Men come to me running from the two big male fears: humiliation and abandonment. They all come in wanting something, and rather than getting that thing, they make their hero’s journey from‘am I?’ to “I am”, and along the way, they make authentic space for themselves.
If ‘am I?’ is external, “I am” comes from an internal sense of self. It is conscious. It is authentic. It brings out the best of who we are in the present moment. It’s aware of our baggage, but it doesn’t let it run the show. It attracts calm, certainty, safety and the right people. It allows things to flow efficiently, where meeting our own needs comes first, enabling us to extend ourselves to others. It is a very comfortable and powerful place of being.
I am is awash with endorphins, the substance our bodies create that produces a feeling of wellbeing. Similar to how we feel after exercise, in love, at orgasm, or a relief from pain. Safe and able to take part in life, sharing, receiving and growing.
If you are anything like me, you have probably felt moments of terror when asked to take the spotlight, a platform, on a stage. By coming from I am, I have found a way to take these opportunities and enjoy giving them my best shot, rather than fearing every step. I have learned to focus on an outcome beyond my edge. Then the journey brings me alive. Am I? would take me back to the troubled child who fluffed his lines and had the school laughing. I am takes care of that frightened child and brings him on stage with me, showing him how wonderful the view is from here as we unlearn the past together in a breath.
My trusty shields protected me from public humiliation for all those years, but also kept me from realising my potential as I blocked life’s opportunities. That shield is no longer running the show. My long-suppressed inner showman now relishes the endless possibilities of authentic, playful presentations that bring praise, celebration, self-acceptance, self-nurture and invitations for more. Beyond this, he’s up for fun, risks and even trusting Channel 4’s ‘Cutting Edge’ as my shadow is paraded for all and sundry! This is now my norm and the fear of criticism, humiliation, rejection, abandonment and abuse – from myself or others – can be the fuel that drives me forward. What a relief!
As soon as I catch myself lost in my headspace, I move from Am I? to I am in just one breath. As I inhale I fill my lungs with air and I fill my heart with the contentment ofbe~ing, thinking ‘thank you for reminding me who I used to be’. As I exhale, I let go of the stressful demands that my inner am I? is trying to foist upon me and with a quiet mind I engage with what’s in front of me. I take part in life.
I often had inner dialogues with my thoughts and emotions running constantly in the background. Times and places that I had not quite let go of, that I survived, but that I still carried around. I put those things to paper and disassociated from them, so I can look at them from the outside rather than believing that this was who I am. I am who I am right here and right now.
If the ‘am I?’ to “I am” breath doesn’t cut it, there may be a depressed ‘pause button’ that keeps you stuck somewhere in the past. As you breathe into the feeling, let yourself follow it to its source. It is likely to take you back to a specific scene, incident, or time in your life that will likely reveal itself, ready for acceptance and reconsolidation info a life beyond old limitations. Clearing up what’s in the shadow makes space for more in the light of daily life.
My wife once said to me “all this talk of alcoholism, drug addiction, sex and love addiction, workaholism, I don’t buy it! I think it’s all addiction to thoughts and emotions!” Spot on! She reminded me that I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions. I am not my history. I am a free spirit, on an earthly adventure, creating my reality as I straddle my cycles of life, swimming high on the crest of a wave with quiet confidence, natural courage and on purpose. I am.
article first appeared here: http://www.kennydcruz.com/how-to-be-free/
Abundance is a very popular word right now. Sometimes it almost seems as though the word “abundance” is a socially acceptable way of saying "lots of money!" Although an increase in material wealth may be a goal for many, the true meaning of abundance goes beyond just simply having or acquiring more money. It's more all-encompassing and bigger than that. Abundance is a feeling. It's something that is already there that just needs to be tapped into. Abundance is gratitude and seeing the richness in every moment. Abundance is love. More and more, people are realizing that abundance is a choice. Take a look at some of these great quotes on abundance, to explore its true meaning and feel free to share what abundance means to you in the comments below.
original article appears here: http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/50-quotes-abundance
ConsciousCafe is a not-for-profit organisation, a friendly and welcoming community, a place to live life consciously.