The backdrop of heightened anxiety and uncertainty due to the pandemic has caused each one of us to react in different ways. Many people we live and work with have become less flexible, reverting to their biases and wanting to continue to do things the way they have always done even though the evidence may strongly indicate that we all need to change our ways of thinking.

This lack of flexibility impacts on all our relationships with other people. How does our internal anxiety and tension manifest itself when we speak to others? Do they feel safe to share their own fears and concerns with us? Do they feel included in the conversation, part of what is going on, able to contribute and experiment? How do we continue to work collaboratively without feeling the need to take control?

In this interactive online event you will have the opportunity to think deeply about how you engage in conversation with others. Using material from leading-edge thinkers, Sylvana Caloni will show you how to enhance your conversational skills.

You will learn techniques for:

• Increasing your own self-awareness
• Recognising how people are responding to you
• Understanding how to create trust in your relationships
• Collaborating more creatively to bring out the best in yourself and the others around you

Drawing on the work of leading-edge thinkers about intelligence and brain development, together with ancient wisdom and practices, you will have the opportunity to learn to become more competent in your communication during these times of high stress and daily uncertainty.

This is an online event. Please buy your tickets for this event on Eventbrite and we will send you the Zoom link the day before the event.

About Sylvana Caloni

Sylvana Caloni established her coaching business in London in 2004, following a 15-year career in global investment banking. She partners with high potential executives on a promotion track, with recently promoted executives and with established leaders to enable them to become more successful and to deliver improved results. Many of her clients are accomplished managers or experts who acknowledge that the transition to leadership creates additional challenges.

In her former role as Executive Vice President responsible for global equity research teams she probed C-Suite executives across a range of international industries and geographies. From these insights and perspectives, she distilled the essence of business management and market out-performance. Together with this she weaves an understanding of neuroscience, Conversational Intelligence®, adult development theory, systemic and ontological coaching and neuro linguistic programming to best suit her clients’ needs.

Sylvana partners with her clients to make the invisible visible; to develop their self knowledge and to become aware of how their presence, behaviours, values and attitudes impact others. She assists them to appreciate the nuances of the different working and communication styles of their culturally diverse teams. Her clients become more flexible leaders, able to listen more deeply and to have conversations that create greater understanding and collaboration.

Sylvana has held several leadership roles including; Founding Chair of the UK Chapter of Advance, a global network for Australian Professionals and former President of Women in Banking and Finance. She is currently a Board Director of the UK Chapter of the International Women’s Forum.

Sylvana cares about creating opportunities for disadvantaged children. She is a Trustee of the Friends of the Rose Bowl, a charity that helps to fund a youth club. She supports emerging leaders as a coach on the UpRising youth leadership programme and as a mentor at Regent’s University London.

Conscious Cafe Canterbury is meeting to look at the power of the mind and explore the magic of placebos and affirmations.

Philip Tucker will act as a catalyst for this subject – he is a coordinator of Brighton Health Freaks and has had a life time interest in all areas of health and well being.

£7.00 in advance (ticket purchase at the bottom of this page), £10 on the door

Refreshments provided. 

Venue: Highfield House Yoga studio, Summer Hill, Harbledown, CT2 8NH

www.canterburyyoga.co.uk for directions

Further info: Cora Kemball-Cook – corakc@hotmail.com / 07711 830275

Having a sense of belonging is part of being human. It’s one of our most important basic needs. Where is your strongest sense of belonging? To a church, an organisation, a tribe on social media, extended family? Where is it that you feel most valued and recognised? Sometimes we can feel strongly connected to many people and many groups or ideas. Then again, we might move through periods of our lives when we feel disconnected, separated, perhaps lonely. Are there times when you have drifted away from an idea or a group and lost your sense of belonging? What was it that took you away, and what brought you back?

Feeling a strong sense of belonging to a greater community, a cause or even a circle of friends, not only stops us feeling alone, it brings happiness, motivation and wellbeing. What type of effort and practice does it take to build and sustain this connection?

This was the conversation that Conscious Cafe Skipton had when 18 of our community gathered in Avalon Centre for Wellbeing, near Skipton at the end of February. Here are the insights from the three questions we discussed.

Not Fitting in

• Perhaps our sense of not belonging comes from feeling that we no longer fit in to a particular group or even a way of life. Something might have changed in us and we have outgrown a situation. The period of time when we recognise the need to separate or disconnect can be very lonely. Even getting older can make us feel this distancing from a way of being that has felt natural to us before, but now we are shifting.
• It’s a big decision to acknowledge that we no longer fit somewhere and decide to remove ourselves from where we previously felt we belonged -whether that was in a church, a career or a geographic place. Even though a voice deep down within tells us to leave, it can still be painful. These shifts and changes in our lives can be viewed as exciting, but we can also feel alone, caught between a past we have known and left behind and a future that has yet to emerge or present itself to us. Maybe we lose our sense of belonging until we begin to recognise our new self and seek out other people and places where we feel a better fit.
• These transit points in our lives can be both powerful and painful .. walking away requires courage and strength but can give us a sense of liberation even if initially we might feel the loss of the familiar reference points that gave us comfort or that we were attached to.

Negative Thinking

• Comparing ourselves to others is a negative way to think. Doing so can cause us to judge ourselves harshly and is a surefire way to make us feel separate. Having a sense of feeling inferior, less than or not equal to can really damage our right to feel that we belong.

Feeling the Difference

• People from mixed race heritage can feel different as they grow up between the two different cultures of their parents. Being exposed to two different worlds and not feeling like they fit in to either. People can feel at odds with a family or community’s cultural expectations placed on them that are not in sync with a local culture that they are also growing up in.
• For a variety of reasons, people have described feeling like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that is in the wrong box.

Where, when and how is the Strongest sense of Belonging felt?

Our discussions led us to express six key ways that help us connect and make us feel that we belong.

• Family: the close bonds of connection with blood family are strong for most people but for some there can be one key relationship in their family that is their strongest anchor point. A pivotal and close relationship with a parent, sibling or child can provide deep nourishment and a feeling of safety where anything can be shared. Not everyone has this blessing.
• Place has power: wanting to move to a different town or area, somewhere that calls to us at a certain time in our lives. Here we can make a fresh start, be inspired by the landscape, enjoy more activities and community perhaps in a more populated place, or simply feel like we are coming home, whether there is family there or not.
• People: longstanding friendships that take us through the years, these provide deep nourishment if we are lucky to have them. New friendships are valuable too, particularly if we find friends with whom we can be our authentic selves. Being with others is important and many express a preference for the one-to-one contact rather than group gatherings where they can have an increased sense of isolation. As much as people can feel lonely or disconnected when they are in the company of others - perhaps at a social party with many strangers - if the gathering is mindful or purposeful, then we can actually feel deeply connected to a large group of strangers. Odd as it may seem, the reason that people gather, and the degree to which people are willing to open their hearts, seems to be more important than the quantity of people present.
• Ritual & Ceremony: we feel the power of this and mourn the loss in our modern life. We recognise how this can unite us. The right kind of facilitation can change a group of strangers into a connected community in a very short time by providing an open forum for sharing. When we have the opportunity to see and understand our shared meaning, a community can be brought together quite easily. Grayson Perry did four programmes on Channel 4 about rituals for Death, Birth, Marriage and Coming of Age. These are still available for viewing online.
• Spiritual Power: aside from what is happening in our lives, where we live and who we have the opportunity to meet (or not) we can always develop our own inner world of connection through our spiritual practice of choice. This can be done in a group, a church or an organisation that values mindfulness and meditation practice. Even then, there is no need to belong to a particular group when a personal practice of meditation and reflection can make us feel connected to a higher power that we can reach anytime. It gives us a transcendent ability for us to feel connected to everyone and everything, and continued practice can help us to sustain these feelings.
• Purpose: we can feel a deep sense of belonging when we can engage in work that aligns with our values and which feeds our life purpose. Through work, we can find connection with others who share our values, our vision in the world and our role in it. If we are lucky enough to do what we feel we are here to do, that can give a strong sense of fitting in to the world in the right place and at the right time. That is powerful belonging, particularly when we are able to to set aside our differences and look forward to a greater cause alongside others who feel the same.

What helps us to shift, feel more connection and increase our Sense of Belonging - how to feel less lost?

• Acceptance: accepting yourself and what is, is a big first step to belonging. We can’t ask others to do what we are not able to do for ourselves.
• Self-Awareness: instead of us focusing on any difference we see in ourselves, turn that around so that we recognise and accept our own uniqueness.
• Growth: understanding that we are always growing and evolving. Yes, that can sometimes present us with difficulties but that is what makes us grow.
• Values: aligning with a strong cause can re-enforce our sense of belonging. Attaching our professional and work identity to something important that makes a difference that aligns with our values.
• A new Third Age: later in life after retirement where our sense of purpose was totally wrapped up in our work, it is good to discover new ways to express ourselves and create a sense of belonging from other areas of our lives.
• Open up: be more curious. Be willing to express our vulnerability. Allow new people and experiences into our lives.
• Join in: deciding to say ‘yes’, make an effort. Sharing experiences with others.
• Decide: making a decision to move forward, setting the intention, meeting the universe half way so we can attract in what we need. Step out of your comfort zone – push yourself.
• Deeper connection: listen deeply to others. Concentrate on what we have in common instead of what might us apart.
• Widen your circles: find a group that shares your interests or passions. Be open to connecting with people outside of your normal like-minded circle.
• Follow the Love: open your heart - you get what you give. Be more loving and feel the love come back to you.

Our Conscious Cafe Circle: what were people taking away from the evening?

People thought the discussion was thought-provoking, enjoyed the different ideas expressed and liked having the opportunity to contribute and be heard.

More about Conscious Cafe Skipton events on our Facebook page.

Conscious Cafe Canterbury is meeting on the fascinating topic of 'The Power of the Subconscious Mind'.

Our subconscious mind creates beliefs which can be baffling as they dictate patterns of behaviour that appear to be unwanted, unhealthy, negative and ultimately out of our control. Why do we do the things we do when we know they are not helpful, productive or sane?
Jo Price will lead us in this topic as we explore the workings of the subconscious mind. Jo from Reframing Minds is a powerhouse of interesting thoughts, questions and fabulous ideas around the workings of the subconscious.

Time: Monday March 11th 6.00 - 8.00pm
Venue: The Charles Dickens Room, The Anne Robertson Centre, 55, London road, CT2 8HQ
The conversation will continue afterwards in the bar of the Victoria Hotel nearby.
Cost: £7.00 if paid before March 10th or £10 on the door (Refreshments provided)

New Forest's 2018 Conscious Cafe came to a festive close with our annual Christmas party, featuring a lush Christmas Dinner from Tessie. Secret Santa gifts were merrily shared, and some of us were keen to share favourite recitals; “Albert the Lion” by Janet and “Fading Fast” by Anne were great hits! As ever, the evening was filled with great conversation, much laughter (and even some dancing!)

A lot of great insights were taken away with us this evening. One choice affirmation is from Diana:

“I am strengthening my resolve to say ‘no’ to those things I do not wish to participate in. Self Process: in any given relationship try to discern the level of love present within it. Stand up for yourself and know your own self worth."

Another favourite insight was from Marcos:

“We can learn not to keep situations or events alive in our minds, but to return our attention consciously to the pristine, timeless present moment rather than be caught up in mental movie-making. Our very Presence then becomes our identity rather than our thoughts and emotions."

The Conscious Cafe New Forest group had a fabulous end to their 2018 and would like to pass an end-of-year question on to you: what have you learned this year that has had an impact on your life?

Wishing you a great Christmas and a fruitful & fulfilling 2019!

Anne x
New Forest Group Leader