ConsciousCafe Singapore hosted a joyous and meaningful discussion recently on the topic of "The Good Life". We love how international our group is, with people hailing from all over the world - it gives us all such an opportunity to learn new things from different viewpoints. This meet-up in particular was a great example of both Western and Eastern perspectives enriching the conversation.
There were so many different aspects to discuss within our theme. Preparedness and acceptance of life's uncertainties was a big one, and one we have delved into before here at ConsciousCafe Singapore. It certainly hits home with a lot of people, how unpredictable and often hard life can be - how to we deal with things beyond our control, and the emotions that come along with that?
But on a more positive note, the list of attributes that make "The Good Life" grew with each turn of the conversation. Love & relationships, health & happiness, curiosity & purpose, a sprinkle of humour & a pint of beer - so many examples, and a whole host of differing priorities. It was such a mindful moment, to be able to sit and talk about what we are grateful for in life, and how many wondrous things can build us all a good life.
And now we want to pass the question on. What do you think makes "The Good Life", and what are you grateful for in yours?
HK
ConsciousCafe Singapore Leader
The ConsciousCafe Skipton community at our first event in June
I really enjoy attending ConsciousCafe events in London, often held in founder Judy Piatkus’ lovely north London home. Of course it’s just not possible to attend the full programme of events as I no longer live in London. And I’m sure I’m not the only who loves the Conscious Cafe experience of meaningful conversation and heartfelt connection. There are an increasing number of us who want to bring a taste of it to our home towns around the UK. It’s selfish really ….. We don’t now have to travel to London to get our uplifting fix!
And so it was in June this year that ConsciousCafe Skipton was born. Another selfish reason behind me starting it was to find and connect with a tribe of local people who are interested in what I am passionate about … like-minded souls who enjoy thoughtful conversations about how we want to live life, what our values are and what we can do to help create a better world for everyone.
The first meeting of the new ConsciousCafe community in Skipton was held in June 19th at our adopted home of Hettie’s Cafe at the top of the High Street. We opened the evening with a circle where everyone shared who they were and what had inspire them to attend.
Why we all came together for ConsciousCafe here is a summary expressed by the group:
CONNECTION CURIOSITY COMMUNITY COMPANIONSHIP
As this first event was called “Can we afford to care about people and be kind?”, Gina Lazenby opened up the evening with a short slide presentation about Caring Economics, based on the book by lawyer and activist Dr Riane Eisler. Riane has been listed as one of twenty of the world’s great peacemakers (along with Luther King and Ghandi) and her book ‘Caring Economics: The Real Wealth of Nations’ has been an inspiration to Gina and her work in writing about healthy living and also feminine values and leadership. Gina said Riane’s work brought together her two passions of caring for well-being through our homes and the contribution to society by women. Gina says, “The key premise of Riane’s work is that society measures and values the wrong things. It is time for us to put Caring and Care-giving into the spotlight as it underpins everything else in society.”
Riane points out that GDP measures everything except the contribution made by community work and volunteering; stewardship of nature and the natural world; and the daily work of home-making and bringing up children. Without these free, unpaid, undocumented and undervalued activities the world would simply cease functioning. There is such a warped bias in our economic system that GDP actually increases when bad things happen … clearing up after an oil tanker disaster might decimate wildlife which has no economic value on a country’s balance sheet but it creates extra wealth through clean-up costs and legal action. We are simply measuring the wrong things. Anything that is not counted and measured is then not valued.
One of the key premises of Caring Economics is understanding how societies are shaped in one of two ways … either as Hierarchies with each level of an ascending pyramid held in place by fear and control. In this system, patriarchy rules and there is always one gender, ethnicity, nation, sexuality that has priority over another. In this worldview, any contribution provided by a lower value gender … women … is seen as being of less value. That means the caring and care-giving work, undertaken by both men and women, which is seen as being feminine, has a lower economic value and less impact. At the other end of a continuum, collaboration thrives under the Partnership way where power is used to empower and support each other and not to hold people back by having power over someone else. Riane says that organisations, countries and societies are all, in some way, moving along the continuum towards partnership and away from hierarchical control. The whole planet is a work in progress on this score!
So, from this, with the understanding that caring and care-giving are not seen by society as having economic value, we can understand why jobs in this field attract such low pay and low prestige. Our ConsciousCafe community broke out into discussion groups and covered questions around humanity’s self-interest, what younger people are looking for, what’s in the process of changing, who is responsible for change, rewarding kindness in business life, the degree to which people work hard, educating children to think differently ….. in fact a list of questions we could have spent a weekend debating. We created much food for thought!
The subject of the evening ‘caring and valuing care-giving’ attracted quite a few people to attend who actually work in the health and caring industries. We heard about the needs of patients & clients becoming ever greater and more complex in an ageing population. Although it was difficult to find resolutions and come up with answers, many people felt comforted just by being able to share their experience of the caring system and hearing each other’s stories meant that they felt validated. There was a consensus that important conversations needed to be had. By sharing different perspectives and opinions we all wake up and recognise that change will happen through a process and not by one single decision or action.
Summary: Even though the subject is overwhelmingly complex and there was no greater clarity we did feel we had a greater understanding about the future and there was still a sense of hope that things will change, either because we are heading for breakdown and out of that total chaos, radical change will have to emerge … or because, the younger millennial generations prioritise much more compassionate values and so demonstrate that they could be behind the much-needed shift that their older superiors are not able to grasp. This is a summary of some of the points that emerged in a topic that we all agreed was endless and stimulating when the community reconvened for a group sharing.
Some individual feedback about the first ConsciousCafe evening in Skipton:
“Great night, I really enjoyed myself.”
“The conversation flowed quickly and even though we did not know each other, it felt easy.”
“I have been suffering from career fatigue but I am feeling invigorated by tonight’s sharing and insights.”
“Really nice to have the opportunity to step back, get away from the detail and get a sense of the big picture.”
“I have been feeling angry but I recognise this can be good if I use it. I want to keep the fight going!”
“These conversations have confirmed that my life changes are putting me on the right path. I am inspired.”
“I feel really nourished by tonight.”
“A great place to have an honest conversation.”
Gina Lazenby
ConsciousCafe Skipton Leader
ConsciousCafe founder Judy Piatkus was quoted in a recent piece published in The Guardian. Sales of mind, body and spirit books are booming this year. Judy thinks this is a reflection of how society is changing. She believes that people are questioning how we live, what is working and what is not working. Younger people are growing up with a different set of values and this is reflected in the growth of sales in this area of the book market.
This is all good news for people who come to ConsciousCafe and want to explore all these new ideas with one another, helping each other to raise consciousness and awareness of change as we journey forward together.
ConsciousCafe is here to stay. Its our 6th Anniversary year and we have had amazing expansion in the last 12 months. New groups have opened in Canterbury, Dorchester, Geneva, Skipton and Bristol to add to the ones we already had in Oundle, New Forest, Bath and London. Now we are poised for more launches this autumn in Plymouth, Liverpool and SW London.
There was a lot to celebrate and our party was held in the main room with bar at The Lib-rary, a social club in St Martins Lane, near Charing Cross. There was a great atmosphere as people arrived and greeted old friends and were introduced to new people who they hadn’t met before.
True to ConsciousCafe style, we wanted to spend part of the evening in reflection. Thought-leader, author and international speaker Jude Jennison, who works with executive boards and leadership teams, is writing a book on coping with uncertainty and she presented us with several themes to reflect on in groups. What are the challenges of living and working with uncertainty? How do you remain grounded when you live with uncertainty? What strategies can you use to help?
Jude gave examples from her own life. It is important to be open to uncertainty as we never know what the future will hold for us. Six years ago she was afraid of horses. Now she partners with them daily and coaches teams of leaders to learn new skills. Horses give clear feedback and have no agenda and can therefore help people to gain more self-awareness and understanding as they see their own behaviour mirrored by the horses.
There was fantastic energy in the room as we shared our fears and our hopes. Uncertainly has always formed part of the human journey. It will always be with us. But it does seem magnified at the moment. Some people cope by enhancing their deep connections with the people they love; others want to spend more time in nature; some people turn to their spiritual practice. Gratitude also featured for when we appreciate all that we have been given, it can be easier to live in uncertain times.
The evening ended with more food and drink – we had an open bar which was included in the ticket price – so the drink kept flowing until the end of the evening when the tab ran out and it was time to leave the party. It gave us all a lovely feeling of abundance as we enjoyed the deep sense of connection with one another that ConsciousCafe offers.
Here’s to another year of success for ConsciousCafe as we all work together to raise awareness of the human need for love, connection and understanding both for ourselves and for our beautiful planet.
Judy Piatkus with grateful help from Dr Phyllis SantaMaria’s notes
3 July 2017
One of the saddest things about being human is that it takes the most painful events to awaken us to our humanity.
We can't appreciate our most joyful moments without having had great sadness to contrast them with.
On a global level there are times when the whole world suffers together and when everyone on the planet shares joy together. The consequences of climactic disasters, the sadness and pain of events such as 9/11 and 3/11, the Japanese Tsunami, and the horrendous unnecessary wars, started by those who are greedy for power and money, contrasts with the admiration we feel when we see remarkable feats of heroic endurance, explorers conquering new frontiers, tech inventors creating products which make our lives easier and scientists developing new cures which will enable us to live longer.
We experience this duality on a national level too. Remember the highs so many of us felt during the 2012 Olympics when the whole nation came together to celebrate our great sporting heroes and show London off to its best. Contrast that with the pain and sorrow of the last few days when only the hardest of hearts could fail to be unmoved by the recent unfolding tragic events.
In the past few days, arising from the Grenfell tragedy, we have witnessed the very best of human nature responding to greed, negligence and the most selfish, unheeding and uncaring human characteristics.
I understand that this is emotional duality which we are here to experience and which gives us the opportunity to learn our greatest lessons.
Unfolding events are bringing people together to fight for and demand a better, fairer world and technology makes it easier for us to join with others and respond as one in times of great crisis.
This week we are united in sadness as each one of us in our own personal way, honours the souls of those who died so the rest of us might learn from what they have gone through and do our best to try to be better human beings.
It was a beautiful English summer day when our eclectic ConsciousCafe group set off from Hampstead tube station for our first ‘Walk and Talk’ event on Hampstead Heath.
The Heath terrain is steep in parts and passes through ancient woodland areas with natural paths and wide green open spaces. Only a few of us had met before and we chatted with each other as we experienced the diverse natural pleasures of the Heath. We were on our way to Kenwood House, an elegant former stately home surrounded by a large estate with landscaped gardens. Its a great favourite with local people as well as with tourists.There’s something especially relaxing about meeting new people when you are out for a walk. Thoughtful enjoyable conversations were taking place between all of us and it didn’t feel as though we had only met each other just a short while before.
We wandered round the Kenwood grounds, admiring the lake and the views, before relaxing with a drink at the open-air café. It was such a fabulous day that most of us were not in the mood for exploring inside the house, preferring to save that pleasure for a second visit in a colder season.
Our route home took us past The Creamery, a small white building on a little hill near the main House which used to be the dairy for the estate. You can still see the equipment that was used at the time. The views from The Creamery of the fields, trees and estate are as natural now as they would have been two hundred years ago. No wonder it is such a popular location for film-makers of dramas, both historical and contemporary. Notting Hill had a scene shot here as did Belle and the new film, Hampstead, coming out soon, has some fantastic shots of the heath, Kenwood and surrounding area as it is based on a true story set in Hampstead.
We ended our visit with a look at Whitestone Pond, which some say is the highest point in London, before wending our way back down the hill towards Hampstead village. All of us agreed it had been an ideal day for the walk and we will have a lovely shared memory of the first ConsciousCafe event in nature.
Judy
ConsciousCafe FounderA lively group of people gathered to enjoy a wide-ranging and thoughtful discussion on the topic of ‘What is Truth’?
While ConsciousCafe isn’t a physical space, this time we were meeting in a café/bar and so it was a fun ambience for a serious topic.
Our expert facilitator Caroline Shola Arewa led us in a meditation and then posed some questions to set us thinking. Everyone had some ideas to share and it soon became clear that ‘truth’ means many different things both to different people and at different times of our lives.
Strong themes that came through were the importance of recognising that people can experience the same event but their personal truth about the event will be different. Communication is very important in order to understand each others' different point of view of what their truth actually means to them.
Truth can also change with time. Many years later, with more age, wisdom and understanding what appeared to be true in the past can sometimes be seen in a different light. We realised also that much of what each one of us might regard as personal truth is sometimes more perception than actual truth.
The prime quality of truth is that it resonates inside, connects with your heart, feels good. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find the truth as it is buried under the clutter.
Some people are so sure of the rightness of their views that they become convinced they are true in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Others twist the facts to suit their own agenda. While these are much discussed topics at the present moment, we recognised that throughout history there have always been some human beings who have behaved in that way.
After exploring personal truths, Shola shared ideas about the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism and what truth meant for her personally. We explored some of the ancient wisdoms about Truth.
Finally we came to some conclusions. Several of us felt that as we have become older, we feel ‘we know nothing’. Others had recognised that as soon as they let go of having to be right and having a need to defend their opinions, life had become much easier, for, in truth, we all hold different opinions and ideas about the world which we regard as true. As soon as we can let go of our need to be right and tolerate and respect different points of view, the world will become a much more peaceful place.
There were cheers and applause at the ConsciousCafe Geneva launch last night when I announced that the evening marked the first International ConsciousCafe. What followed was a great night in the spirit of ConsciousCafe’s everywhere in the UK … twenty-two likeminded people coming together to enjoy thoughtful discussion; deep connection with other people; and, from the happy atmosphere and immediate feedback, leaving energized and positive.
We took as our theme ConsciousCafe’s aim to raise global consciousness one conversation at a time asking the question “what does this mean and how can conversation achieve it?” It was apparently a good starter question and from the beginning everyone engaged in animated discussions. We talked and shared at tables of four or five with people moving around after 20 minutes to make new connections and conversations. We have a beautiful collection of illustrated table mats which reveal how broad and deep the discussions roamed.
This was an uplifting start to ConsciousCafe Geneva, proving that one can have profound discussions with new acquaintances in a very enjoyable and heartening way. I particularly relished the fact that we were from a wide range of age groups and life experience.
The next ConsciousCafe Geneva will be Wednesday 26th April and personally, I can’t wait.
Debbie King, Geneva Organiser.
ConsciousCafe’s London group were treated to a very inspiring evening at the end of January when Deborah Henley demonstrated how we can inspire ourselves and others by using our emotional intelligence and a variety of other techniques.
In a concise two hour presentation and interactive session Deborah offered so many inspiring ideas that soon all of us were firing on different cylinders. Each of us was invited to share a time when we had unexpectedly been inspired. Our combined experiences showed that a challenging event could often become the catalyst for a change in our lives that could inspire us to make our best decisions. I especially liked Margaret’s story of how she was inspired to change direction in her career when she found herself driving the wrong way round a one-way system.
Our emotional intelligence skills come into play when we consider ourselves in relation to others. We need to have an awareness of our own emotions and how we respond to different situations and we need the skills of self-managing our emotional state.
At the same time we need to be aware of other people’s emotions and to be able to tune into to how they are feeling or to what the atmosphere is in the culture we are working in e.g. if there are a lot of politics in a particular organisation. In relation to others our skills can be seen in the way we communicate our message, manage conflict and above all, in how we show up to inspire others with our presence.
Deborah shared a wide range of ideas and the group contributed thoughts and experiences. My favourite exercise was when we had the opportunity to imagine a future hypothetical personal dream had taken place. (Apparently this exercise is often used by hypnotherapists). I was inspired by a vision of the opening of a building, dedicated solely to ConsciousCafe where we could all meet up. I had a clear vision of what it would look like, how it would feel and how it would be used and I was able to communicate my enthusiasm and inspiration very easily to my partner. Now we just have to make it happen!
Many thanks once again to Deborah Henley for giving so generously of her time to present this event for us at ConsciousCafe. Deborah’s new website is under construction but you can find and follow her on @Deborahhenley
As I listen to news from around the world constantly filled with reports about people attacking others physically as well as verbally, it often seems surreal; even unbelievable. Open prejudice and violence, which causes injury and often death, are painful to witness for those of us who choose love over hate.
The majority of us – like myself - look on, horrified, from the sidelines, as events beyond our control make us feel powerless.
As a professional problem solver until recently, I found the powerlessness beyond frustrating because I couldn’t see a way for good to triumph over evil. I experienced huge relief when a feeling like a light went on in my head as I considered how different life on earth would be if we focus on that which is within our control. We should concentrate on mindfully loving more, hating less and doing random acts of kindness for each other because we can. Whilst that may seem a naïve concept, my attention remains with it. It made me wonder if the conscious ones amongst us could band together with love on the agenda, no matter what religion, and turn the tide on hate and fear.
I decided to discuss it with Judy Piatkus who several years ago set up a network, ConsciousCafe, which gives people the opportunity to engage in conscious conversations with likeminded others, to raise awareness of all that is meaningful in our lives.
Synchronistically, the very next day I received an invitation to a conference ConsciousCafe were holding in London on 27 November on the topic of Raising the Vibration of Love. It brought together leading-edge thinkers, opinion-makers, authors, therapists and respected senior executives to explore ways of reducing fear and increasing the expression of love in our lives with a common goal of making the world a better place. I bought a ticket in a heartbeat as it felt like a group I wanted to be part of.
The conference was opened by Elif Shafak, author of several non-fiction works and ‘mystical realism’ novels, whose bestseller Forty Rules of Love has sold a million copies and blew me away with joy when I first read it a few years ago. Elif highlighted the fact that knowledge and information are different from wisdom, which requires emotional intelligence. She emphasised that we should allow ourselves to be changed by love and that empathy is the key to positive change, promoting less violence.
On personal love Elif played with the idea that we may have unrealistic expectations that one person can fulfil all of our needs. Maybe validating our loved one for what he or she does bring to the relationship, and choosing wise friends to fulfil our other needs is the way forward for a successful loving relationship. Not surprisingly there were many questions after that which Elif responded to with great wisdom.
Elif’s thought-provoking words were followed by a panel discussion which focused on love in the workplace. Leading experts Oonagh Harpur, Norman Pickavance and Francis Briers, chaired by Judith Clegg reflected on how individuated many have become through technology. Yet through re-connectivity we can raise our consciousness and by doing so open ourselves up to empathy and learn more about meeting each other’s needs. The panel shared stories of initiatives connecting people worldwide and giving them a voice to generate ideas and collaborative action.
After a networking lunch I took part in a workshop facilitated by Dr Dina Glouberman on intimate relationships. Other people chose sessions about embodying love in everyday life or expressing love through art. These were followed by a World Café session where we moved from table to table, engaging with others at a very deep level as we considered how we could each and collectively raise the vibration of love in our own lives as well as in the world.
The day ended with a guided meditation from Tom Fortes Mayer accompanied by singing and music from Virginia Thorn who sounded like an angel.
I had arrived at the conference tired from a punishing week. I came away feeling energised and clear. I felt increased certainty about my own abilities and mindful of the positive outcomes resulting from likeminded group initiatives. I felt significantly increased optimism about the chance, if together we step up in the name of love, that we could ensure good will triumph over evil, enabling us to thrive together on our beautiful planet.
The power of the day was palpable. Apart from examining the power of raising the vibration of love, I made a number of connections with people I hope to collaborate with and learn from. I am already looking forward to my next encounter with ConsciousCafe.
Videos of Elif Shafak speaking at the ConsciousCafe Conference and of the business panel will be posted on Youtube and on the ConsciousCafe website shortly. Raising the Vibration of Love was ConsciousCafe’s first conference. www.consciouscafe.org
ConsciousCafe is a not-for-profit organisation, a friendly and welcoming community, a place to live life consciously.